Confessions...

[Turawa]

If I cut myself tonight, I'll end up back in the hospital with the rest of my arms but I don't know if they'll let me out again, that makes me relieved and scared all at the same time. If I don't cut myself tonight, I'll do something worse. Plus the last two times I've had to be patched up I've been able to say that it was for other reasons. No one knows the reason I saw the on call doctor and nurse two days ago was to be sewn up - they think it's because I was seeing a doctor and getting a 24 hour call back from the crisis team, which I was. No one knows that the reason I was in A&E for 5 hours yesterday was because I cut when the people from the emergency duty team assessment left the room and was taken to hospital by ambulance, that I was patched up with a hundred or so reinforced surgical steri-strips although they thought stitches might have been better, they think it was for an emergency psych consult which I did. No one's noticed the extra padding under my jumper. I'm not lying entirely, but I just haven't disclosed it all.

 

[Cumecu]

I'm so depressed it's crazy. Glug, glug, glug. I feel like I'm breathing water.

 

[Tove]

I feel like it is more torturous to stay alive.

 

[Dunofer]

I'm sick of living. I hate myself, I hate my family, I hate that I'm still here. It makes me angry when someone says I've got everything to live for- maybe so on the outside, but I can't live with myself. Can't even cry because I feel like I deserved all the abuse.

 

[Sucaw]

I'm getting a check up soon and I have a concerning symptom and I am torn finding myself hoping it's something serious and reminding myself dying in that manner might not be all it's cracked up to be.

 

[Uzap]

Me too. Avoiding the checkup because it is triggering too.