- Thread starter
- #13
PandaPower
Learning
@Friday thank you for your long and thoughtful reply. I am thinking about the cost/risk analysis you did and this is how it feels to me:
Telling her and leaving: risk of being invalidated and gaslit, risk of internalizing that, risk of carrying it forward until I can heal it .Possible gain of having it validated but very unlikely given my past experience with therapists and others in general.
Telling her and staying: risk of of being invalidated and gaslit, risk of abusive inner voice kicking me into submissive state so I can stay in therapy regardless of the invalidation, risk of that leading to depressed mood and low self esteem as is a pattern. Brain is not computing potential gain in this situation.
Not telling her and leaving: gain of getting it across that xyz behaviour is not okay with me, no risk of invalidation (safety yay!!) , risk of losing otherwise helpful resource.
This is pretty much my approach to life and relationships at the moment sadly.
Telling her and leaving: risk of being invalidated and gaslit, risk of internalizing that, risk of carrying it forward until I can heal it .Possible gain of having it validated but very unlikely given my past experience with therapists and others in general.
Telling her and staying: risk of of being invalidated and gaslit, risk of abusive inner voice kicking me into submissive state so I can stay in therapy regardless of the invalidation, risk of that leading to depressed mood and low self esteem as is a pattern. Brain is not computing potential gain in this situation.
Not telling her and leaving: gain of getting it across that xyz behaviour is not okay with me, no risk of invalidation (safety yay!!) , risk of losing otherwise helpful resource.
This is pretty much my approach to life and relationships at the moment sadly.