You'll need to know, both of us have PTSD, I have chronic depression as well, my husband suspects he is on the autism spectrum, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if he is Avoidant. He doesn't like conflict of any kind. That's for sure.
An issue comes up over and over again. The script is almost the same way every time, and we can't seem to move past it. Individually it's a series of small things, but small things add up, and I get to where I can't take it anymore. It doesn't matter if I lose my temper, or if I try to talk about it calmly before it builds to that. Regardless, any time I mention the ongoing problem, my husband gets bogged down in defending only the most recent incarnation of it. As if it's the only time it's ever happened. Then he'll wonder why I'm so bothered about that one little thing.... is it my depression acting up again? Do I need to call my doctor?
One of the most common scenarios is that I may give him some piece of information. He'll verbally acknowledge it, but then a few minutes later, he'll ask me a question that makes it obvious he didn't hear a word I said. It might go like this:
"I left a plate for you in the microwave."
"Thank you."
Less than five minutes pass. When he finishes the computer game he was playing, he notices he's hungry, and then he asks me:
"Have you already eaten, or should I just worry about cooking for myself?"
"I said I left a plate for you in the microwave."
Which cues either "Oh, yeah, that's right," or "I didn't hear you," even though he acknowledged it at the time.
This happens repeatedly. Yet when I bring it up, all he'll do is try to justify why he was distracted or didn't hear me that one time. Never mind that something similar also happened yesterday, and last week, etc., etc. That's in the past, and it doesn't matter anymore. All that counts is this one specific individual time that what I told him went in one ear and out the other, and I'm overreacting.
How can we break out of this cycle?
An issue comes up over and over again. The script is almost the same way every time, and we can't seem to move past it. Individually it's a series of small things, but small things add up, and I get to where I can't take it anymore. It doesn't matter if I lose my temper, or if I try to talk about it calmly before it builds to that. Regardless, any time I mention the ongoing problem, my husband gets bogged down in defending only the most recent incarnation of it. As if it's the only time it's ever happened. Then he'll wonder why I'm so bothered about that one little thing.... is it my depression acting up again? Do I need to call my doctor?
One of the most common scenarios is that I may give him some piece of information. He'll verbally acknowledge it, but then a few minutes later, he'll ask me a question that makes it obvious he didn't hear a word I said. It might go like this:
"I left a plate for you in the microwave."
"Thank you."
Less than five minutes pass. When he finishes the computer game he was playing, he notices he's hungry, and then he asks me:
"Have you already eaten, or should I just worry about cooking for myself?"
"I said I left a plate for you in the microwave."
Which cues either "Oh, yeah, that's right," or "I didn't hear you," even though he acknowledged it at the time.
This happens repeatedly. Yet when I bring it up, all he'll do is try to justify why he was distracted or didn't hear me that one time. Never mind that something similar also happened yesterday, and last week, etc., etc. That's in the past, and it doesn't matter anymore. All that counts is this one specific individual time that what I told him went in one ear and out the other, and I'm overreacting.
How can we break out of this cycle?
