Confrontation With Neighbors Causing Major Anxiety

[Iam]

Dang I hate confrontation. I'm sure most people do, but with PTSD it sends me over the edge.

Our neighbors dog had come onto our property and attacked our dogs. They promised to get rid of the dog, but refused to pay any of the $600 vet bill. My husband called to see if they got rid of the dog and they won't tell us. Then she called me and told me not to call them again, restating they will not pay any of the vet bill and still not answering if they got rid of the dog. We've decided to call animal control and take them to small claims court.

My heart is pounding and I am shaking so bad from the phone call. She wasn't mean, didn't yell, said they don't want problems with us. So why am I so upset?

 

[Reclusive]

Aw, Iam - I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your dogs with your neighbors. That's a lot to deal with! I'm not sure, but I'm guessing that you're upset because of the fear of confrontation and anticipation of the process you've started. I'm just guessing, though, and can be totally wrong. I would feel the same in your position, though.

 

[Iam]

Exactly Reclusive. I'm not sure if it is worth the stress. Yet this is the 2nd time their dog has attacked ours and we really feel they should get rid of it. What happens if it's a kid next? They should also pay the vet bill.

Would someone without PTSD react with the same panic I am feeling? I HATE this. :tdown:

 

[AmyO]

It isn't worth the stress, but with the perceptions we have, it can't be helped. I feel so bad that you even have to go through it though. I understand because mine is just a neighbor that complains constantly about my kids being noisy. They don't play in their bedroom because he bangs on the ceiling and starts talking to everyone about how bad they are very loudly. Just enough for me to hear and it stresses me. I get the same reactions.

It could be a lot of different things though. I look at him as he reminds me of an abusive ex, that's what triggers me. But believe me, stress can do more damage than anything else. I do yoga and play games with my kids outside to relax ( a little chocolate, and journaling don't hurt either). Just a suggestion (if you don't mind though), do you think it might help you if you wrote down all the things you want to say but don't feel like you can. Not just because of the PTSD, but because it seems like you are a more compassionate person and feel slighted because your neighbors seem like they aren't. They probably just figure it's not their problem, but it is. You did the right thing. It shows that it is not just about the bills but the principle. You are showing great courage fighting not just for your rights but for anyone else in their future.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Anytime I have a confrontation, especially with someone that has some authority over me, I get physically ill. I get hot all over, sometimes I have an anxiety attack. I can not exactly put my finger on it, but I know it has something to do with confrontations as a child with my family. For some reason it seems to bring out that scared little girl in me. Which is a little crazy considering I am 46 years old!

I wish you strength. I hope something can be done about the dog before he does more damage. At least you know without a doubt that you are in the right to try and do something about the dog because of the danger. You also have tried to reason with the person, and even though you are afraid of confrontation you still called and tried to work it out.

 

[Transformyself]

I"m so sorry you're triggered. I've been dealing with a similar problem with my neighbors. For me, it's a process that goes something (this is very un-scientific but works for me) like this:

I realize there is a boundary that's been crossed
I panic.
I work to get the anxiety down, sort out what my boundary is-this usually takes a great deal of processing so I can validate my own feelings, needs and boundaries
Then comes the stating the boundary and holding it-kindly usually works best for me.

Not sure about advice on this forum, but for me, dangerous dogs are a REAL trigger, because they actually pose a physical threat. My neighbors dog that was so insane it would get out and attack other dogs finally attacked their child and was put down. it was very sad, but taught me to trust my gut.

The threat is real, but how do we respond appropriately? Without reacting to the trigger?

Did you file a police report? Oftentimes, the dog has to actually attack someone before you can require they get rid of it. And folks are freaks about their dogs. They wont' get rid of dangerous ones, that's my experience at least. I dont' understand it.

I would call the police and start that process. I know it's scary, but keeping your family safe is important.

Hugs!

I hope you find a good way to create and hold your boundary. I validate your concerns!

 

[Transformyself]

Sorry, just saw that you are going to small claims court and have a plan. sounds to me like they just want you to leave them, and their dangerous dog, alone.

Keep breathing!

 

[Heather]

Lam, I think you are doing the right thing. Confrontation is never easy. However you are asserting yourself and standing up for what is right.

Your neighbor SHOULD pay for the vet. bills and unfortunately if the only way they will do this is by you 2 taking them to court, then do it! I know it's anxiety producing but in the end I think you'll feel empowered because you will have stood up for yourself. And you're right what if next time it is a child?

Good luck. And remember to breath. Hugs and love. Heather

You can do it!

 

[KP the nut]

(((Iam)))

I can totally understand why you are triggered over this. I like you hate and avoid confrontation. BUT in this case I think it is right that you do something. No-one is soppier about dogs than I am. This dog can escape its property, what if a child was in your yard, what if it got onto the road and attacked a child, or a dog being walked by a child.

I believe there are no bad dogs only bad owners and it is sad that this dog will pay the price for its owners incompetence but it is for the best.

I also agree they should pay vets bills. I would make a complaint to both the police and local council/municipality.

Have courage my friend
Love
KP

 

[NIKI]

I agree completely with everything that Heather and KP have written. Stand up for yourself, you are in the right! Stand strong!

 

[Jawn]

You are doing the right thing Iam. You will get through this, but it will be stressful for a while. Let animal control deal with the neighbors dog and the judge will make them pay the vet bill I'm sure. You hang in there!

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Iam))))))

You are doing the right thing! It is SO important these people be held to account. It's awful for your dog but OMG if that had been a child it had attacked...and as you know that stuff can and does happen.

Please call the police and give yourself permission to NOT feel bad about it! The number of children with permanent scars to their faces that come through emergency rooms due to dogs with 'a history' of attacking other pets first is MADDENING. :mad:

Irresponsible owners need educating and when that is not possible, for the public safety...enforcement.

Hope you give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for standing up to these people. They don't deserve 'friendliness' as they have shown NONE.

...and if they confront you at all, please consider calling the police right away and get it documented.