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Confronting This Fear

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intothelight

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Hello,

Its been a rough week, running from anxious, to desperate, to depressed, etc. I know that I am afraid; and everything, past, present and future is getting all rolled into one.

My ex was arrested in November after my youngest daughter disclosed. Between the two youngest girls he is looking at enough counts to put him away for 25 years to life. I was naive to think he would plea bargain and stay locked up.

I don't know what "idiot" posted his bond, but he got out in the beginning of June. He has used family members to attempt to intimidate me and my daughters. The problem with his threats, is that based on my past experience, they are not to be dismissed.

No wonder my anxiety is off the charts. I can't leave because there is a trial. I can't really withdraw as the girls need me. So, I don't go out at night, keep everything locked down, alter my route when I do go out and never go anywhere alone. I resent that I am "in jail" and he is out. What is more idiotic, he can't own his handgun, but the rifles with the infra-red scopes are O.K. Go figure.

My husband is having a hard time too. He adopted these girls two years ago, so they are his children (They ask him too). So I now have to be careful around him so he doesn't get angrier at my ex. That makes it hard since he is my source of grounding.

I helps to write. Thank you all for being there. Its not something I can just talk to anyone about. The girls have their right to privacy. I feel sooo guilty:stupid:

Intothelight
 
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