Childhood Confusion And Learning More About My Childhood

[Hushlittlecupcake]

So lately I've been a bit triggered and reading a lot of stories and other things written by other adults who were raised by narcissistic parents.

I read one person who talked about his mother being extremely obsessed with his sexuality, and constantly shaming him if he seemed to be thinking about sex, women, and other related things. A lot of commenters said that it constituted as sexual abuse.

So that makes me wonder about my own childhood. As soon as I hit puberty (I'm female by the way), my parents started targeting me verbally about sex. Calling me a whore and other names, always accusing me of having sex with peers, and installing a lot of shame and fear around sex. Sometimes making me strip so they could check for marks that would prove I was having sex (like hickies, and I never had to take of my bra or underwear thankfully) Does this constitute as sexual abuse? If it does, can you please link to things stating it that aren't just your own word? I've been trying to research it since reading the one forum post that backs up the idea, but only find information about the usual kind of sexual abuse.

I honestly hope it doesn't technically qualify. I've already had some "at least it wasn't X" broken down as time passes and I accept things, and I don't want to add this to the list. My parents were every other abusive type, but I've always gone "at least there was no sexual abuse.". But in the end, I just want to know for the progress of healing and moving on.

Thank you for reading.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I've heard of others enduring less, and I'd say they were definitely traumatized. But you don't want to take anyone else's word for it, and want us to do the hard work for you? Not to be rude, but go do your own research.... There's this thing called "google"....

And I don't know why you don't want it to qualify? It is what it is and regardless, it HAS affected you, or else you wouldn't be here. So screw what the professionals say and go get some therapy. Just because some random website tells you is not abuse doesn't mean its going to affect you any less.

In the end, labels are just labels. Its like telling someone who is missing ONE symptom of PTSD that since they don't have PTSD, they shouldn't bother to heal b/c they are "fine." Nope, doesn't work like that. Who gives a damn what the official term for anything is? Again, what matters is that it affected you and still does to this day.

But, if you rather live in a world of denial, I'm sure someone could dig up LOTS of religious type sites that say this stuff is normal. Or even go dig into pedo rings and they'll tell you its normal, too.

 

[RussH]

sexual abuse, I am not so sure, but absolutely emotional and verbal abuse.

 

[Hushlittlecupcake]

I've heard of others enduring less, and I'd say they were definitely traumatized. But you don't want t...

Seriously? Why so negative? If you read all of my post, you would see that I mentioned I'm doing active research on it, but having trouble finding what I'm looking for. Relax. It's normal human behavior to reach out to others for assistance, and if that bothers you why take the time to comment?

I do go to therapy, and actively work on my past and current problems. You are projecting way to much stuff on me and putting words into my mouth. I stated that I'm scared of adding yet another thing onto my list of issues, but I'm not sure where you got that I was in denial or wanting to deny anything. What exactly would be the point of this post if that was my view on it?

 

[Rumors]

I don't know if it was sexual abuse or not, but that is pretty awful. Shaming was a tool in my home as well. Guilt was the other useful tool used and as an adult it makes it hard to know what are normal responses and normal situations. I work really hard not to use those tools with my kid and if I catch myself doing that, I apologize and tell him it isn't ok to use guilt and shame in a conversation in order to get my desired result.
I wish you well. It sounds as if you are doing everything you can to explore all of the possibilities of the lasting effects of your parents behavior. That really sucks in and of itself. Hang in there!