Conned

[anonymous]

I feel ashamed of myself. I should have known better, I have multiple pain conditions that mean I have a lot of body pain and discomfort and my mattresses aren't good. I "bought" a mattress through Ebay that I can now see had many red flags attached. I think I just convinced myself because I was a bit desperate. I can't afford something like this through normal avenues. I am hoping I will be covered via Paypal. There are one or two possible problems. The guy was very professional. I'm not normally stupid but I was here. Feel sick and it isn't helping my trust issues. There were little flags going off in my head and I didn't listen to them properly. I have a triggering medical procedure coming up and don't need the extra shame and stress in my cup.

 

[ladee]

We probably all have had times where we don't pay attention to the red flags. That's just us being human.
I hope this can be resolved and you get your money back. But please tell yourself there is nothing productive in shaming yourself for not being perfect. Being perfect would be boring and you wouldn't have this great story to tell about the mattress from hell.
Gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[anonymous]

Thank you @ladee . I appreciate that. I should know better by this time in my life. I know what it was that pushed my in that direction. Just wanted a new mattress. Very foolish. It doesn't take much to set off the toxic self hatred so I do need to contain this. I hate that this person is going around taking advantage of others. Have decided I will report it to the police.

 

[Silver.]

paypal is very good at refunding money when items are not as described or you don't receive them. I used to do a lot of business on ebay and had no problems with finding resolution. Don't beat yourself up, things happen, and all you need to do is open a case with paypal/ebay and they will resolve it for you

 

[anonymous]

Thanks @Silver. There is more to my stupidity unfortunately. I put an offer through and then was racing around with a lot on my plate that day and dealing with stuff to do with my dysfunctional family. I received an invoice and request for payment via Paypal and paid it. I realised afterwards that it didn't go through Ebay. *hangs head in shame and self disgust* The invoice looked fine and had all details on it and I assumed that Paypal would protect me but now I'm not so sure. It also wasn't a bid item on Ebay and I read something on Paypal that made it seem that some forms of sales aren't covered by them. I have now opened a case with the bank as well as I used my credit card. Hoping I will be covered somewhere at least. Just also hate that he is doing this and that I was conned so easily. Concerned about the money. I can't afford this. Hope you are right.

 

[Silver.]

Depending on when you payed, you might be able to stop payment through your bank.(?)
Have you saved the listing? If you haven't, save it (you can always take a screenshot if you need to).
What you have payed in paypal, even if you didn't go through ebay, should correlate with the ebay listing, and would be helpful to provide. If you were mailing him back and forth, either in ebay or through your own mail, those will be helpful as well, as it shows interest in the mattress. Sometimes we worry about things like this, especially because it's a lot of money, and if we don't have the product, well then we have to wait for it to be resolved, which is frustrating, especially if that is money that you need. So I understand why you are so upset.
Just try and be as proactive as you can, to have everything they might need x

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi,

I know that PayPal and eBay are very good at helping buyers out when something goes wrong with a sale. Was the item not as described? I encourage you to contact eBay and PayPal to see what your options are.

I know it's hard when we get duped, but it happens to everyone at some point. I am not trying to minimize your anguish as I know it really does hurt! Rather, I think as ladee said, we are all human and we make mistakes. It's ok-----I beat myself up, too----- :hug:

 

[anonymous]

Thank you @Silver. I have taken a screen shot of the listing and do have a record of long communication between us which correlates. I have also opened a case with my bank. If he is a pro which I suspect then I imagine he would have closed, withdrawn etc within the day that passed between payment and scheduled delivery. I hope the bank can still stop payment or stop him closing or accessing that money from his account. I searched online and found a mention of his number being linked to a case of fraud. The money is a big deal and I feel guilty for wanting this for myself and loosing money for us both if that happens. But the rest is toxic shame and a gut reaction that is about more than the money. Trusting myself to protect myself has been hard as I have a history of not doing so, The idea of this person gaining from others loss. My pride as well I guess.
xx

Thank you @EveHarrington . I hope all will be well. I didn't do things in the best way. If it was a normal transaction through Ebay I would feel a lot better. Thank you for the reminder of acceptance of our vulnerabilities. I am also reminding myself it is "just" money and pride, Noone is physically injured. Even though I am feeling it a little physically. Thanks.
xxx

 

[Ronin]

Anon,

Pain normally influences reasoning. It's just something pain does.

This lapse of judgment isn't on you, & that you're able to handle things as ordering yourself a tool while very pained, and then deal with that order going wrong -as well- is admirable, something to high five yourself for.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I dont know about pay pal & ebay and stuff but what i do know is pain and the inabilty to sleep in a bed. My king sized bed is currently and likely will always be a huge pet bed. I sleep in a recliner sitting at the foot of the bed. The recliner was overpriced and bought at walmart. I could have gotten a much better one that lacked the in arm storage but had the stuffy-ness needed as today i also sit on a memory foam pillow and have two pillows behind me.

Pain and decisions because if pain is very common to be hasty fast not thinking decisons. To sleep in a bed it would have to be a tempur pedic that raised and lowered in the form of a recliner as all of my weight needs to be on my butt and those things are very expensive which is why i dont own one and i can see myself finding one or one like it on ebay that i could afford and jumping without thinking. And i can see that and i hate ebay.

I have made lots of decisions that werent smart due to pain. A "i need this now, IM IN PAIN AND I NEED IT TO STOP!!!" sort of takes over. So stop beating yourself up! Try to do damage control the best you can but no beating yourself up while doing it! You are in pain and due to that werent thinking and we are all human and none perfect.

I also dont allow myself normal human error so i get that too. You and I are human and its ok to not think every now and then! :hug:

 

[Gadgie]

Yea! I bought a bran new reclining chair on EBay it was half the price of the ones in the Mobility Shop, and is just as comfortable, if not better.

I can lay back in it, and set the vibration motion to so many different options, the best one boing the one that sends the massage from my neck right down to my feet, then back up again.

When it's in sitting mode, I can rock in it, and that's so relaxing, in fact I'm well pleased with it, it's a lot better than my old one, I fall asleep quite often when laying back on it.

The best position is when I can lay back, and set the massage so it stays in the small of my back, that's so soothing, it's just as well it's got a timer, as I've often fell asleep in that position.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Anon,

Pain normally influences reasoning. It's just something pain does.

This lapse of judgment isn't o...

Have to agree, PTSD places a lot of limitations on us, very tough to also deal with the regular day to day financial troubles. Ever since I got PTSD I hate money, partly because predators in my life live for money.