Constant Sadness For My Child

[mama13]

I think a lot about what I could have done before a particular injury... it's very hard to let go of...

Thank you. The letting go is definitely a struggle for me and cannot imagine what it is/will be like for her. When I see her old photos, I just burst into tears. But then, she smiles at me or goofs around with her sister, and my heart couldn't be more full. She is back at school and is doing fine and tells me she wants to be a doctor. These are all great things until we have ugly moments when people ask me about gymnastics or say that the birthday party for their kid is at a rock climbing gym...it's like the wave of guilt just drowns me. Anyway, thank you...she will have new stories and she definitely will always have my support.

 

[Justmehere]

You are doing a great job helping her through this grief even as you work through your own. :hug:

Are there any adaptive sports leagues in your area? I'm not going to be one to say that there is a silver lining to every rain cloud, because I don't personally care much when I'm standing in the rain, drenched, about any sliver linings. The pain and loss is real. I've posted here about struggling through a new injury and not having much hope of a return to previous goals.

One thing that has helped me get through is finding folks who had serious physical limitations, but kept pulling through to achieve. Folks like Shelley Gautier - Para athletes with brain injury | Brain Injury Society of Toronto

Positive stories like that don't take away what has been lost... but sometimes in my worst moments, it helps me with the anxious part of the grief and pain. It helps me have a little bit of hope.

 

[mama13]

You are doing a great job helping her through this grief even as you work through your own. :hug:...

Awwww this is fantastic! Thank you! I looked up the blog and it led me to other blogs, stories, and more helpful resources. :-)

 

[gealach]

Have hope for her abilities.... I smashed all my lumbar vertebrae in an accident when I was about 8. I spent weeks in hospital, had to relearn to walk, etc. I had to give up dancing & gymnastics because I can't handle axial loading.... but I'm am emt, of all careers, and I literally carry 200+ pound people for a living with no issues. Your baby might just surprise herself with how much she can do :hug:

 

[mama13]

Have hope for her abilities.... I smashed all my lumbar vertebrae in an accident when I was about 8....

Thank you! This is very encouraging for me to read! When you were 8, what was encouraging for you to deal and cope with not being able to do gymnastics? I want my daughter to know that doesn't define her and that she can do like-minded things like yoga and tumble without making her feel like a failure. I am so happy for you!

 

[gealach]

Thank you! This is very encouraging for me to read! When you were 8, what was encouraging for you to dea...

Hi Mama, I wasn't super athletic, so losing gymnastics wasn't a huge deal for me (not the same for your girl I'm thinking). I didn't have to stop what I was doing, but I did have to modify a bit: I still did some dance, but jazz rather than highland. I could tumble a bit, but couldn't do trampoline (too much axial load). It was more about finding out what I liked about an activity, and finding other activities with the same or similar characteristics.

The wonderful thing about children's bodies & brains is that they heal and adapt so incredibly well. Much more than adults. If your daughter can learn to be patient with relearning the little stuff, stay positive, and believe in her own inner strength... she'll surprise herself, I'm sure. Remember, she had to learn to roll over, then crawl, then walk.... before she could run & dance. She's young, her body can adapt.

Also, children are very intelligent, and take their cues from the adults around them. Panicking adults = we should all be frightened, mournful adults = woe is me I should grieve all that has changed. When there are no adults to cue from, children are often very calm and practical (think pre-schoolers who call 911 & save a life). I knew when I had my accident that my body wouldn't be the same. My parents didn't make a production of it, and weren't mournful or grieving... it was just my new reality, and I took my cues from them. Now, if I put my pants on wrong I throw my back out, but I can go lift a 200 pound man on a 90 pound stretcher without a second thought ((shrug)). It's okay for your girl to be frustrated, angry, depressed, jealous, resentful, all the above... just within reason.

And if she wants to be a doctor, she absolutely will be :)

 

[mama13]

Hi Mama, I wasn't super athletic, so losing gymnastics wasn't a huge deal for me (not the same for...

These words are beautiful and I truly need to learn to master the calm. I really do. I believe your words so much. Thank you.