Constant Victims?

[traped]

I think I was misdignosed with just depression years ago. The more I read on ptsd it makes me feel like its time to open up. I think I was 1st abused at age of 3 or 4 at auntys. I Know for a fact coz allways have that memory and my cousin was abused at same time. Then I got abused again at 14 by nextdoor neighbour when I was looking after there baby at time while his wife was out getting dinner. I have kept both of these things in my head for years.

10 years ago the major depresion started. Every year around winter I get the flashbacks. What if I think this and that every time I have an attack I have feeling of dread. What if I think this or that again? Do you guys have certain trigers like on media say a child abuser getting caught? What if I think of abusing this sort of person or that sort of person?

Recent attack was set off by a guy that really liked me. He asked whether I wanted to get married to have kids etc and I started to have visions of what if he is child abuser so I ended it. I'm scared I'll never trust a guy, that I'll keep on having flash backs that will ruin good times. I even think what if I think of hurting a cartoon or some one on a show? It scares me coz I know I wouldn't hurt a fly, but thoughts seem to intrude.

<Grammar and punctuation edited by Brucielucy>

 

[anthony]

People abused tend to gravitate towards more destructive persons, for many and various reasons. Environment and social circles also has a lot to do with it.

 

[Nicolette]

We attract what we think and believe - so if you are used to something be it sexual abuse then you will be attracted to it or gravitate towards that which is familiar (including people with that nature) even though it hurts you.

I broke the pattern and it's like walking out in the cold naked going against ever thought and reason you have ever had to do something different. As you change and have different experiences your thinking changes and the people who gravitate towards you and vice versa will shift.

When I made the final decision of "no more" I left almost a life time of family and friends and had to walk alone to re-build a new life. Slowly I made a new group of friends; all of whom care about me and won't treat me badly.

For more than 3/4's of my life to date I was a victim. No longer!!! :dance:

 

[Anna]

I have also noticed a pattern in my life as well. I still am unsure of why. I was sexually abused by a female friend when I was a child. I did not realise until one of my other friends confided in me and I realised this had happened to me as well. I was then sexually harrassed at school. One boy put his hand up my skirt once , another grabbed my breasts, followed by a violent sexual assault in my teens which nearly cost me my life. Then I got flashed at on a bus coming home from work in my early 20s. The man masturbated in front of me which was totally vile. I wonder to myself, how can one person have such bad luck?

I now try not to ever go out alone. Only with a friend or with my partner. If I go shopping I try and keep away from people. I do not look at them. I try to keep as distant as possible. I have noticed if you appear cold and distant people will leave you alone.

 

[ericaboo]

When I made the final decision of "no more" I left almost a life time of family and friends and had to walk alone to re-build a new life.

I think that is truly exceptional and inspirational. Making a decision like that goes against insecurities and emotions that are so strong and fierce and daunting. It's so hard to break the pattern no matter how much your logical mind and decent people try to counsel and warn you.

Right now it feels like a hope - but I see how it has to be a decision - a very huge leap of faith... :help:

 

[Nicolette]

My new T congratulated me on my decision. She said it demonstrated self care which was necessary and that we actually don't have any 'obligation' to stay in these relationships....if it was someone else treating you this way you would have a different view.

Parents do not have a greater entitlement to abuse or have rights once we are adults - it should then be a mutually rewarding relationship & healthy. There is nothing wrong with getting out if it is not.

 

[Ice_Fire]

It's dawned on me that I need to make this journey too. I've been abused over and over so far, by family, 'friends' and strangers.

I still let my parents manipulate me. It's all I've ever known and I just don't know how to stand up for myself.

Nicolette, your strength and determination to rebuild your life, is amazing and gives me hope that I can do the same too.

 

[Red Feather]

I went from 8 year abusive marriage to another relationship that was equally abusive in its way. It took me three years to finally say that I was much more willing to be single then to be in a relationship that did me harm. That was 2 years ago and I am still single and I am glad about it. .

 

[bearpaw]

I am also at the beginning of learning how to say NO and free myself from the feelings of helplessness. It is difficult for me because I am one of those who seem amazingly strong to others, but in reality I suffer from abuse and boundary issues. I would always protect others but not myself. Even sacrificing myself at times, for someone else. I am realizing how unnecessary and harmful this has been.​

​

I think I was in denial for a long time about the reality of things. Now, since being raped recently, I see things a little more clearly. Although now I have gone to the extreme and isolated myself and cut off most relationships, because I don't feel like I can trust myself. I am trying to ease back into the social world but it is difficult because of the lack of trust in myself. :banghead:​

It can be so frustrating to realize I was trained to be the victim, conditioned to become trapped by abusive people, but I will not be this anymore! Therapy is essential and is helping.​

 

[Nicolette]

It can be so frustrating to realize I was trained to be the victim, conditioned to become trapped by abusive people​

Bearpaw I look at it a little differently - you were trained to be accustomed to be abused and be around abusive people. Abusive people are 'known' and 'familiar' to you so you know how to act and be around them where someone nice, caring and kind could even frighten you.

I encourage you to not see yourself as the word 'victim' but a survivor willing to change their life as what you think and how you see yourself is sometimes what you attract. :thinking:

 

[Tarot]

I told my last therapist that I feel like I have a sign on my head that says "victim". His response was that I cause if because I'm not being assertive enough and giving off a "don't mess with me attitude" vibe which will keep the abusers away.

Needless to say I stopped seeing that therapist.

<edited by CB - corrected text speak>

 

[Nicolette]

Tarot that is pretty much the same as what I was saying - it's in the attitude and what you project.