Constant Victims?

[Tarot]

But see, there's something about that theory that rubs me the wrong way. It's almost as if to say, "You are being bullied constantly because it's something you are doing to deserve it."

It just doesn't sit right with me. I understand what you and my therapist mean about being more assertive and letting that shine through, but still... It's like saying, "Well, if you don't want to be raped, don't dress provocatively." It's the same line of thinking; change yourself to more socially acceptable standards and then you won't have a problem. If you don't, then obviously it must mean that you aren't following protocol and you will get what's coming to you.

For instance, let's take the gay community. Lots of bullying going on there. They are being bullied because of discrimination. It won't matter what "vibe" they give off; if some bigot hates someone for being gay, they will bully them one way or another. And what if they find an introverted, quiet, kind person to bully? Is it wrong for this person to be who they are and feel the way they feel? Maybe it's not in their makeup to be a fighter and they are then perceived as "weak". So does that mean they are acting wrong and they are attracting the bullying by just being themselves? No. They are being bullied because someone else harbors fear and hatred and mistakes the other person's kindness for weakness.

So why do the bullied have to "change?" How about we assign the blame where the blame is due and make the bullies stop acting this way? How about we invest energy in making them have an attitude adjustment and not those who are minding their own business, just trying to enjoy their life and be at peace?

 

[megnut]

I was about to start my own thread on this very subject when I stumbled across this one! The title of my thread was going to be "anyone else walking around with a target on their back?" This is how I have felt my whole life.

The sexual attacks just keep coming and coming! Now I am beginning to believe that something in my aura or whatever screamed 'vulnerable' and people picked up on it. Then, when the abuse was happening, I almost never defended myself because the earliest abuse taught me not to. To this day, when something triggers me, I think to myself, 'why am I constantly being targeted with this stuff?' But what triggers me is how the media treats women, how they are so often partially or completely undressed.

I cam to the conclusion last week that 'fate' is not throwing this in my face, it is throwing it in the face of everyone on the planet! It's just that I am super-sensitive to it, and feel like I am being targeted.

For most of my life I have put myself in less-than-safe situations. There is only one time that this has resulted in an attack. But I cannot decide if I am desperate to believe that people are inherently good, therefore I want to trust them, or if I have no self-worth and just put myself in poor situations because I deserve it. I just cannot decide which one.... I have taken to picking up hitch-hikers. I know this is stupid. It could be anyone getting into my car! Am I just fishing for trouble?

I must admit, I do have fantasies about getting attacked, just so I can finally stand up and defend myself as I have never been able to do my whole life. I just want the satisfaction of not being a victim for once. Of being the one who won the fight.

<Edited by CB - Added paragraph breaks.>

 

[Tarot]

Thanks for your honesty, megnut. It's funny because your post reminded me of an experience I had about three years ago.

I was riding the train to work and some man began masturbating across the way from me and wanted me to see it. It was scary yet humorous to me at the same time. I wasn't sure how to react. I got out my cell phone and tried to shame him by photographing him. He got up and ran off of the train at the next stop. A mini victory for me.

Logically I know I did not invite it into my life, but I couldn't help but think I was targeted because I had some weird "eff with me, I was SA as a child" aura or something.

A week later (or perhaps this was first-- I forget. All I know was that they happened within a week's time of one another) a man sat next to me on the train. Different man this time. He crossed his arms over his chest so that his right hand was under his armpit. I felt that he was trying to feel up my right breast and rub up against me on purpose (frotteurism). He kept sliding closer to me as he touched me. I was shocked. I didn't know what to do. If I stood up and screamed he would call me crazy and people would look. If I stayed he would continue to touch me and win.

And then I felt it.

I was getting aroused myself.

I don't know how or why that blatant molestation turned me on so much, but I found myself fantasizing about it later. It really disturbed me that this turned me on instead of infuriating and/or thoroughly disgusted me. I was really ashamed of feeling the way I did. I secretly wanted him to go further.

I got up out of the seat and got off of the train. I saw his face and he looked worried as if I was going to go report him. But I didn't. I just got off (at my stop coincidentally enough) and never looked back. I was upset for a few days after that, yet also excited at the same time.

When I got home I joked about it on Facebook just as I joked about the guy from the previous week. My friends thought I was making these stories up; that this was me just trying to feel desirable and get attention. Even the picture I took of the man masturbating was scoffed at and I was told that I was imaging things.

Anyway... I should just just accept the fact that I'm totally screwed up. This life is so confusing and hard.