Continuing Therapy After A Break

[Deleted member 34328]

@expectingbetter definitely.

I know I'll be ok once the session gets going. I have some big issues happening right now, so I'm sure the timing will be just right... but yes, it is hard to let down and let someone back in. Especially when that someone is so important. I do have a hard time with that. I don't want a catch up session - I need help and empathy. Hard to get that when you keep them at an arm's length. - that's my problem.

I'm really glad you had a good experience. It will definitely help to set the ground work for the next sessions.

 

[expectingbetter]

@stp2012 you hit the point.
Me too need help more than anything and I know I am the one who is hard to let anybody be close. And in this situation I am closed again due to such long time distance we had during the summer.
You and me have the same problem, I am feeling like I am waiting for her to break my shell to get to me, and she is not going to do that, and she shouldn't, I am the one who has to let her in. And it is impossible to get help if we keep the distance.
I hope you have a good person for you therapist too, and I wish we both managed to get back to the healing path as soon as possible!

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I'm not sure I agree completely with you in your analogy of breaking through the shell. I think she'll work with you and you'll just realize you have opened up. It's not strictly dependant on one or the other of you.

From what you've described in other posts, she sounds like a good match for you and a good chemistry. I really believe things are going to move forward for you. One of the biggest steps - in my opinion is your desire to get back to the healing path. I'm not convinced you ever left it. Felt alone and abandoned - for sure. But not off the path. You probably learned a lot over the summer that you may not be aware of. You seem to be a fighter. Also a winner - and you will win it!

I have my first appointment on Thursday evening. I certainly am not minimizing how hard it is. I know. I'll be there myself. I've been working with the same therapist now for 4 years. He knows how to work with me. I'm counting on that. We'll see.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

@expectingbetter just a quick update. Had my first appointment this evening. Went very well for what I needed right now. I had to do some SOS messaging with him yesterday, so he already knew what the situation was. He let me lead the session. Didn’t try to push in. I think I realized very quickly just what a safe place that office is for me and how badly I needed that today. I really needed an emotional outlet.

Really, his only real question was to ask what did I need out of the session for tonight. No agenda. So I was honest about needing a safe place to come to and a way to let down. No issues. He respected that. The empathy was there as well as the needed emotional validation and support.

So in the end, any arm's length that I would normally have kept disappeared in the needs of the moment. So thankful for that.

He's gone again for the next couple of weeks, so I'm glad it was a supportive session. Hopefully enough to help charge the batteries for the next couple of weeks.

Anyhow, you've kept me in your loop, so I wanted to share back how things turned out for me. I can't imagine being on any type of healing path. I guess that'll come, but for now it was being equipped to deal with survival mode. I got some helps.

Please let me know how you're doing. ;)

 

[expectingbetter]

@stp2012
thank you so much for providing me with information how your session went yesterday. I was thinking of you then as I remember you said it was on the 15th.
I am so glad it did you good especially after all that time! But I am sorry to hear you will again have to have a break of few weeks. I know if I were in such situation I doubt I could handle anymore without consistent counseling! I am already so much worse due to the long summer break. Your T seems to me like he is doing his therapeutic job like sort of hobby rather than a real job :confused:
I admire your ability to make the most out of the single session you had yesterday! Also I am glad he is a good listener and supporter at least when he is there.

I had my second session after a break yesterday, I can say I am again in sort of disappointment since we had an agreement last time to make a plan for continuing of my therapy in future, I was so much apprehensive about that making of plan only to find out that she didn't think seriously to do it at the exact session we had yesterday, she was very confused when I mentioned it to her and sounded like there was a misunderstanding among us.
I am used to her behavior which is really liberal and when she says something she very often neglects the same thing but still she again said yesterday we would make the plan the next time. Now I have no idea any more in what to believe.
All in all it isn't matter after all. As when hadn't had the plan since now we don't need it in the future either.

I don't like the fact I again tend to sink into what I say 'post therapy' mood and it is a very dark mood for which I usually need many days to get away from :(. It is based mostly on the fact that I am usually of the feeling like the therapy is not useful for me and that really scares me :cry:, I have had that feeling almost after every session. And so is the same now after we continued with sessions after the pause.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

All in all it isn't matter after all. As when hadn't had the plan since now we don't need it in the future either.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by not needing a plan now as in the past. Do you mean that in the past you've had a written schedule... sort of know ahead of time what the timetable or plan for each session would entail? What do you mean about not needing it now or that it doesn't really matter? Sounds to me as though it really does matter! Maybe you should bring it up rather bluntly that you aren't following her planning or lack of communication well. You need a more specific schedule. Repeat back to her to make sure that you've interpreted her words correctly. She needs to know what type of reaction these things have on you. There needs to be a strong connection and trust between the two of you.

I don't know if it's the same for you as it was for me, but the day after a session (usually a Friday) was always so hard. A lot of anxiety and depression. I don't if it was just the processing of whatever was discussed or what I had as "homework", but either way, Fridays were often very difficult. My husband used to comment on that regularly. I also found and still do sometimes that I experience anxiety before a session. Seems silly since I trust my therapist completely and when I have questions or frustrations that I know can be helped, you'd think I'd want to go. Doesn't always work that way. Still, I'm not surprised you're feeling down after a session. I had to work through that as well. It gets better. I really hope it does. Just doesn't happen overnight. 3 mos of therapy is not long - even if it feels that way. Also very needed and intense. Still building trust. Takes time. You're a fighter. A survivor. You can do this!!!

I know I said my T would be gone again for another couple of weeks, but that's because he has a second practice in Northern Ontario with First Nations communities. He's been working there for 15 years or so now. A certain number of weeks per year. There are 2 different areas that he goes to. Spends a week in each one then back to Montreal (where I am). So it's definitely not a hobby practice. He takes it very seriously. I guess that's one of the reasons I like him. He really does seem to have a heart for hurting people. Isn't pushy, but not afraid to go to fight for his clients either. Sometimes when you feel so alone in the world, it's nice to have someone fight for you. He's done that for me a couple of times. I would have a really hard time if I had to find someone new.... don't even want to go there.

Hang in there. My next visit isn't until Oct. 6. Feels like a very long time from now, but not as bad as the summer break. I can get in touch with him, email, text, messaging even a phone session if needed. So I'm not left without any support. Keep in mind that it's been 4 years now for me. I've learned a lot of coping tools to help get through. I'm on a small amount of an anti-depressant as well to help keep a platform. I'll manage. Really thankful for keeping up with you though. That really helps.

 

[expectingbetter]

@stp2012

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by not needing a plan now as in the past.

When I was writing this I was so disappointed that I only managed to be ironic, so I ironically said that we hadn't had any plan for the therapy progress in the past so I guessed we could have gone without the one in the future as well. That was bitterness speaking through myself :grumpy:

I know though of course that plan does matter! In October will actually be a year how I have started therapy with her but with three months of a pause in between.
The thing is I am sure I have found one of the best therapist I could find here, she is really skilled and she can't have more experience than she already have due to her age and also to everything she was doing during her career. And I am more than sure she is a really good person, and it is of great value for me.
So something else is a catch.

I think there is a lot about the fact I am still pretty much frightened every time I have to go to a session and I really do feel so low after it. Partly because I see it is not helping me. But I really can't figure out anything else but therapy in which I would put my hopes that will bring me healing eventually. And I am determinant to stick to her, I am same there like you - I don't want even to consider having to try to find the new therapist, I know I wouldn't be able to find a better one.
I glad we are both sure we are in good hands for the beginning. At least something.

I don't know if it's the same for you as it was for me, but the day after a session (usually a Friday) was always so hard. A lot of anxiety and Depression. I don't if it was just the processing of whatever was discussed or what I had as "homework", but either way, Fridays were often very difficult. My husband used to comment on that regularly. I also found and still do sometimes that I experience anxiety before a session. Seems silly since I trust my therapist completely and when I have questions or frustrations that I know can be helped, you'd think I'd want to go.

Exactly the same I could have written myself! With the same words! It makes me relieved I am not the only one who feels that way!!!

I was also making joke when said that yours seemed like he is having a practice as a hobby, again I said that as I am myself so hurt by being without therapy for long three months so I was shocked yours could leave again immediately, no matter it is for few weeks only.
I am aware that we can't find anybody who would be there for us all the year long, I get it and need to put up with it.

Mine had also given me the opportunity to text to her and to email her and I was using it until it was doing me more harm than good, simply this was the first time I had stayed off therapy since I have started the one two years ago with previous therapist and I simply wasn't ready for a such long break, I am still hurt and over vulnerable.
Unlike you who has learnt plenty coping skills I feel like I haven't learnt any. In my country the therapy is more focused on pure confessions and I have spent the most of the sessions making confessions of my past and presence to her. It is really strange but I am as said really apprehensive any time I am there so I don't even try to change anything.

Thank you so much for sharing a lot with me concerning this topic which is really painful right now for me and it makes it easier to me to see someone else is coping with the same thing. I am so glad you also find something good in talking together about it. If you ever feel like you would talk more to me, feel free to send me a message!