DID Control Over Fronting

[AlishaK]

I was recently (February) diagnosed with DID. I am the second ANP, and my primary ANP has total amnesia when we are out. She is having a hard time and I'm trying to figure out how to convince my gatekeeper to let me choose when I need to come out and when I need to go in. Right now the gatekeeper is very controlling and doesn't want to let go and let me be responsible and helpful. Any ideas? What has worked for you?

 

[Cypress]

I have trouble with dissociation but I don't know the term ANP. What is that?

 

[AlishaK]

I have trouble with dissociation but I don't know the term ANP. What is that?

It's from the Structural Dissociation Theory, it stands for Apparently Normal Part, and in DID there are more than one, but the person who is out the most and any other adult who acts in society is considered an ANP. EPs are Emotional Parts are kids who hold trauma, there can also be adults holding trauma that are EPs. A good book to read is The Haunted Self.

 

[Muttly]

It's all about communication, cooperation and compromise. Talk inside. Find out what they are afraid of. Find out what would make them more comfortable with you being out. Come up with agreements. For me, the fear is often of regulation, so we've had to come up with a plan of how to handle that.

Also, my DID doesn't fit completely what you are describing as far as parts and I know others who don't. Books and models can be good references and sources of understanding but don't let it limit your understanding of yourself. If something doesn't fit, that's ok. You are going to be your unique self

 

[grit]

I want to add this book changed my life in more than any therapy. However, I do not have DID but I realize there are a lot of parts to each human even healthier ones and that not everybody is 100% integrated. This book is more integration than dissociation and parts. With all that said, I learned I had one ANP and many EPs but the beauty is too that it is not only the negative EPs that we exiled or forgot or disguise or oppress or suppress but also great positive sides. Think of it this way, if EP was created from fear and terror, your good side (many of them) also hid in order to survive. It is beautiful to see all your parts and appreciate the beauty of human mind to survive.

My advise to you is this, if you have more ANP, before you attempt to bring EP (of course you cannot stop them either but keep an open mind), is to make friend and develop compassion, deep appreciation for your body/mind' intelligence, and be grateful you have arrived a space to even explore all of you.
It is hard to know what works for everybody but for me, it was writing songs and singing for my childhood and the courage I had to promise, I will be out one day and be safe and knowing that day was today. I sang these songs every day as I walk the dog in the morning or anytime I am walking long distance. My body relax but also my mind opened.
Hope you find a way to make friends with all your beautiful and pained parts to come home and celebrate.

 

[Ronin]

Seconding Muttly, talk about it.

I go with, whoever is most qualified and with it at the moment to do the job, does the job.
Granted, I should also have some ... and the aftermath clause about it, there, but thats why Im in therapy & drinking on it, again. Aftermaths are tricky.

 

[Cypress]

I agree with everyone else - listen inside without fear or at least with acceptance or even love if you can manage it.

go with, whoever is most qualified and with it at the moment to do the job, does the job.

I don't have a gatekeeper, so this is pretty much how it is for me.

 

[Sideways]

Structural theory stuff does my head in sorry, so I can’t apply the ANP/EP labels to my parts. But when I was first diagnosed with DID, it wasn’t just one part that had amnesia for what another part was doing while fronting.

For me, the only part that ever had any memory of what had happened while they were fronting? Was that part. All of my other parts knew squat! So, if I wanted to know what I did at work, basically you’ve got to talk to the part that was fronting at work.

That reduced a lot (not completely, I’m having a bit of a hard time with my switching atm) with internal communication and learning how to work as a team. ‘Co-consciousness’ I think is what a lot of us refer to that as, when parts are starting to communicate well enough that they’re sharing information, and being present and aware of what’s happening (and even contributing) even when they’re not fronting.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Two years ago, I was not co-conscious with any of my parts-but I heard head-noises and when I started communicating inside they came to the surface and the noises made themselves known-that gave me information to help them feel better. I believe I am co-conscious today, but there is not total two way communication with all of them (but frankly a couple don't want to communicate and they don't cause trouble and prefer isolation-so I'm not pushing them right now)-but there is one way communication between all of them with the biggest part of me (self), and the strongest and most creative parts have two way communication and the most weigh in on really important decisions made in my life.

I do not fit with DID diagnosis-as I have only one ANP (that I know of-?) but I have a number of EP (child parts). When I reached out to my parts, and started acknowledging them, they were appreciative and became more comfortable and their feelings came closer to the surface. I do not use the term gatekeeper-instead I use protective parts I guess is the equivalent. Yeah, I bargain with those protective parts......as they can create physical pain and stop me in my tracks. Try if "you will allow X" then "I will do Y". I use please and thank you. I can usually get compliance or unstick my protective parts from their "duty" with a deal. But I have to know what motivates them to change their behavior.

A while back, I made a few mistakes doing this....I told my parts I could keep them safe in a situation....and then I was physically hurt in that situation.....yeah so very triggering....lots of head-noise for a week, and then there was trust-building all over again because I didn't keep my promise. That took me back in the communication dept....so follow through with compromises/deals is a must. Over time, I built trust with most parts through play, hobbies, and fun things-food-shopping for special items, then when I knew what was reinforcing to specific parts, I had something to bargain with (some type of play, fun, recreation,food or outside activity) So, I worked from a trust-building approach and found out what reinforces each part's behavior-my protectors do like fun-even if they aren't first in line. Once you have a bargaining tool & know what motivates them then you can work to bargain and have executive control when you need it. When my parts are regularly reinforced....they are happy parts! ?My external life now is so much more predictable after getting to know my parts ...and then trust has been built. Think about how you'd strike up a relationship with anyone else in your life.....you get to know them first, their likes and dislikes, then you think about them and give them something they'd like just to be kind, and the relationship over time is mutually satisfying when there's communication and respect.
Don't know if that helps.