Controlling Reactions To Avoid Escalating Abuse

[Chava]

I have tried to do this but I don't have good feelings about my younger self and thinking about "her" can make me angry at her for not making it stop.

Any thoughts on trying to change this?

Not too long ago I had a dream about a young girl who was innocent and sweet but annoyed the sh*t out of me (young strange girls in dreams usually seem to represent my young self...I'm detached, so they are not "me" too clearly, but even my own parents have been hurting these girls). I just wanted this little girl gone or dead. I let a dog attack her. I turned away. When I turned back and realized she was not dead, I was relieved and annoyed simultaneously. Her hands were all chewed up. I took her to the ER. I didn't feel too caring, just responsible. I felt that dream was a metaphor for taking care of myself now. I don't have a lot of feelings toward my "little self" (doesn't work well for me to think this way), but I do my best to take care of myself now and give myself what I needed before but couldn't have. So I really am honoring that little girl. For me it will be in little steps like this, but first taking care of the person I am right now and honoring my truth and my needs the best I can (not always so great, but I've made a lot of progress I think).

 

[ghotiff]

Thanks @shimmerz I see how you approached it and I think it would work for me. The first step for me would to find a girl to "see" from that perspective. I realised thinking about your post that I shy away from girls. They scare me a bit and get frightened of (or for?) them.

@Chava it's interesting that you bring up dreams. In my dreams I am always male (unless is a romantic type dream). I've always associated being females with being vulnerable and it's a hard feeling to change. I'm not even convinced it's not fact. I feel that if I was a boy, it wouldn't have happened.

 

[Chava]

Interesting. Yes, I think dreams can create really good images of our deeper feelings sometimes where we can't articulate them, or they symbolically validate them so well.