Cop With Ptsd And Struggling

[Hooah84]

As I write this, I am struggling on so many levels. In December 2016 I came forward in my career as a Deputy Sheriff, desperate for help. I have been in law enforcement for 11 years, and have experienced too many things that have crippled me mentally. I began having extreme attacks of anxiety and paranoia, coupled with a constant sense of unrest I can't put into words. I assumed it was just the stressors of the job until a few months ago I fell apart. I could seem to be capable of rational though, sleep, or continue on a "normal" path of life. I took it upon myself to get help from a psychiatrist and therapist, as I was desperate and tired of feeling "crazy". I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD. I was placed on various medications and into intensive therapy. I made a commitment to give my treatment 100% because I knew my heart and brain were aching from too many things I've seen and experienced over the years, and I wanted so bad to be "me" again. I've come so far, and the therapy and medication have helped me regain a sense of normalcy in my life. At this point I have been out of work for 14 weeks. I was not covered by Worman's Comp, because my state requires the mental injury to be caused by a physics injury. Two weeks ago I was cleared by my psychiatrist to return to work, under the limitations of a "routine" schedule and minimal stress to help me manage the highs and lows associated with PTSD and anxiety. My employer told me three days ago that I will not be allowed to return to work unless I am 100% full duty. I have never been so disappointed, as the Sheriff's Dept. I am employed by has always stressed how much they "take care of their own". The feedback I have been given has made me feel like I am just a liability to them, and unable to perform the numerous positions available that do not include those that are built on the tasks that contain the triggers that have been causing me my problems. I was told verbatim, "if you can't proceed as a deputy sheriff 100%, we have no place for you". I guess I'm so incredibly disappointed and felt like they would have had some compassion and respect that I sought help on my own. I have so much to offer them aside from being on the street. It just plain hurts. When will the law enforcement world realize how important mental health is. My struggles are very real to me, and not only did I make the choice to take care of myself, I did them a huge favor by doing so. I took a step to better myself, and in return, they get a better servant.

 

[Finding Maeve]

As I write this, I am struggling on so many levels. In December 2016 I came forward in my career as a D...

You could talk to a lawyer. Sounds like discrimination to me. I'm so sorry that happened.

 

[ladee]

What comes to mind...is the possibility this experience of being "disposable", can lead you on a new carreer path. Being an advocate for your brothers and sister's who, like you, sought help.
Maybe you will be part of a movement to educate and make people in positions to make life choices for others..what this is all about.
I'm sorry your years of service, that made you so ill is not being recognized. Don't know if you are going to fight their descion or find a different path.
Thank you for putting your life on the line for your community!
You are appreciated!
Hope something wonderful comes to you from this!

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Such a twisted world nowadays in so many ways. Glad you found this space. Sorry for the reasons it became necessary.

 

[Parley]

I think all police should be 100 percent. Any job that requires a gun needs to have standards and all policies should be enforced. No exceptions.

I'm sure it was hard asking for help and it is commendable. I wish you the best.

 

[Friday]

No exceptions

That's ridiculous. It's like saying a surgeon can no longer practice medicine at all unless they are performing surgery. No pediatrics & lollipops. No research. No teaching. Nothing unless you're cutting people open all day. There's infinitely more to practicing medicine than just surgery. Just as there is infinitely more to Law Enforcement than working the street.

As the OP said

the numerous positions available that do not include those that are built on the tasks that contain the triggers that have been causing me my problems.

He's being disallowed from returning in any capacity, unless he can return in his original capacity.

 

[shimmerz]

as the Sheriff's Dept. I am employed by has always stressed how much they "take care of their own"

PTSD seems to be one of those things that many people find easy to build an exception to 'take care of your own'. Family members desert those with PTSD, friends, work colleagues.... the list goes on and on.

It isn't just you my friend. It isn't just the police. It is so far reaching.... I liken it to having had leprosy when it was rampant.

Be well. Focus on you and your health and try to not take on the ignorance of society at large.

 

[Parley]

That's ridiculous. It's like saying a surgeon can no longer practice medicine at all unless they...

That's what their union is for. If there is a position to move into than I'm sure it would be done and in their contract. but you can't expect to be an exception. not saying that is what the OP was asking for but I stand by my statement.

 

[LoveMyNavyChief!]

Hello Hooah84

First of all let me say THANK YOU, thank you for being out there on the front lines and protecting us!!!

I too work for a state division. Mine is not law enforcement. We have an Equal Opportuniy Office, perhaps yours can help. Mine didn't though...

Because workers comp is such a jumble of bs, I have had success with my primary care doctor putting me on medical leave (for stress and panic) for three months. I was then able to draw disability for that time. In my state, and I think most states, HR and management do not need any information on why you are out on medical leave. Just a notation from your doctor stating that you are under his care and will be out for x amount of time. He will have to fill out reasoning codes for SDI/EDD but that is confidential. If your state has FMLA ( find out from HR or EOO) your job, tenure etc., is also protected while you are out. My state is the same as yours wherein I couldn't come back until I was 100%. So then your doctor just keeps you out until you're 100%.

During that time seek alternatives. Perhaps another line of work etc.

I agree with the other poster who suggested also seeking union assistance, you guys usually have strong unions. Also a good labor attorney could definitely be contacted for some direction.

My sufferer works full time as a videographer/cameraman for PD while dealing with combat related PTSD. It's making him worse by triggering him. He won't take time off. I see what's it's doing to him.

I wholly support your decision to deal with your trauma fully and I hope you find the support you need to get through this.

I hope this helps, again, thank you for being one of the brave!

Take good care of yourself Hooah! We are here!

Wishing you strength and care!

LMNC

 

[Hooah84]

While I fully acknowledged the reality that the position I've been in for years working the streets is no longer suitable for me and not a good environment for me to continue in, as someone said there's so many positions outside of the streets in my agency that don't require the potential danger/stress. Yes, I was told "Patrol or not at all". But it's not a question for me. I recognize the need for changes in my life and career so much that I'm not going to budge on the recommendations of my doctor. It is what it is... Currently, my Chaplain is advocating for me with the higher ups to attempt to accommodate me. So we'll see what happens, and I'll go from there. I've just seen the revolving door for so long with other people like me, that didn't get help and ended up in unhealthy behaviors. Thank you all for the encouragement, I VERY much appreciate it! I'm so glad I found this place!!

 

[ladee]

And we are glad you found us. Since there is more of "them" than there are of "us",we stick together.
No one knows us like we know each other.
Supporting you!

 

[Hooah84]

Thank you! I'm still new to "having a diagnosis", but not to my symptoms. So I'm learning as much as possible, and it helps to have other people that understand. Lord knows it's too easy to just isolate yourself...