Sufferer Coping But Not Living

[Serena 1975]

I'm 38, and terrible at breaking the ice.

I'd like to think I've always been able to survive the impossible and since I'm still breathing, that's still true. But finding this site came at just the right time.

I was raised in a cult, 3rd generation, and didn't get out until four years ago. I could give the laundry list of trauma I'm struggling with, but honestly I don't know if I can do it one more time. I escaped that cult and an abusive husband, with my two sons who are the reason I live each and every day.

But suddenly I find myself in circumstances that drag me back to all of that trauma and in the midst of trying to cope, new memories are surfacing, new pain is emerging, and I'm finding it hard to come up with a reason to continue fighting these people, these battles, when it still seems like they are going to win.

I know that's depression talking. But that doesn't make what I feel any less real.

So I really hope to get to know people here, find some support. I am very isolated, and have no biological family to support me, so it's a lonely hard road. My heart breaks for all of you when I read your stories and yet there is comfort in knowing that what I'm going through is not isolated or crazy.

Thanks for that.

 

[JustBe]

Welcome:)

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Serena and welcome. You are no longer isolated.

 

[arfie]

Hi, Serena. Personally, I don't find much benefit in rattling off that laundry list of trauma. I recognize the value of being ABLE to discuss it, but it will never be my favorite chit chat. I find far more benefit in talking about the residual effects that keep popping up in my life and how to keep them from running my life.

Welcome aboard, Serena. May you find healing company here.

 

[Nephthys]

Welcome, I'm new too. :)

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

I hope that you find the information and support on this site beneficial to your healing.

 

[Nephthys]

Thanks!

 

[radicalgratitude]

Welcome to the Forum! I hope you find the healing you need and deserve. I am glad that you escaped the cult. That took a great deal of courage and strength.

 

[presentjoy]

Welcome.
Glad you are here

pj

 

[Serena 1975]

Thanks for your replies and your warm welcome, everyone. I agree arfie, the laundry list just leaves me feeling empty. It's the day to day reality of what I'm left with that I want to get through. This site is a Godsend...a lot of things I thought were just me losing my mind finally...well..finding out it's okay and it's common for what I've been through.

Radical Gratitude, thanks for the compliment. Escaping is probably a relative term since the aftermath continues sometimes larger than life. But I'm grateful to be out. My ex husband is still in it and he has visitation with our sons. That creates a space where I don't quite feel like I'm free yet. Still I'm grateful.

Thanks again

 

[EverOnly358]

Welcome! It is a pretty great feeling, right? When you figure out you're not the only one?