Coping strategies for Triggers

[CourageofSnow]

Hi,
I hope this is the right place to post this. Mods, please move this post if not ok.

I am struggling with the fact that church has become a trigger for me. I can’t seem to go unless I have taken a Valium.

I had years of abuse as a child and one place my stepfather abused me was church. While it is no longer the same building it seems to be the association of attending church is a trigger for me. I am part of a large church community and up until recently I was able to attend church like a normal person.

Now I’m not sure why I am feeling scared and anxious at the thought of going to church and my new therapist isn’t available until November so I am feeling a bit lost.

Should I face the trigger head on and hope that I am able to stay without a panic attack or do I cut my losses until November when I have had some therapy and have better insight and coping skills?

I currently use breathing techniques and grounding techniques to try and stay in the moment though sometimes they don’t work and I end up having flashbacks or panic attacks.

 

[Freida]

I'm not sure intentionally putting yourself in a place you know you will be triggered without any kind of help is a good idea. I guess you have to weigh the options. Is it beneficial to go, even if you get triggered? Or are you forcing yourself to go because you think you "should" ?

 

[CourageofSnow]

Thanks Freida. There was definitely an element of “should go”. I ended up staying home while my family went.

 

[8888]

Churches are also a trigger for me as I too was abused at a church. Why do you feel you need to go? If it's for religious reasons I would stop to consider maybe God understands what you are going through and it's okay to take a break. I'm Christian but don't attend church but pray on my own.

 

[CourageofSnow]

Churches are also a trigger for me as I too was abused at a church. Why do you feel you need to go? If it's for religious reasons I would stop to consider maybe God understands what you are going through and it's okay to take a break. I'm Christian but don't attend church but pray on my own.

Most of my support network are in the church that I attend. Those who are closest to me will understand but quite a lot of others may not. I have been attending church for over 20 years and it is not only a spiritual but social outlet for me. I pray and read daily but also don’t want to stop fellowshipping altogether. I have organised for one of our pastors to come around to give communion for the time being.

 

[LoLo Marie]

Hello! Just my thoughts on this is how I have recently handled this (like 3 weeks recently) and so far if I stick to this I hope it to last. For so long I have done things, gone to certain places, went to social events where I was uncomfortable to please everyone else. I have had to stop doing this and work on not feeling guilty or not fun or whatever negative feeling I get from saying no to certain things at certain times of my PTSD. I’m trying to listen to myself more and I say yes and attend events, places when I’m in a good space but I do not drink or if I do I only have one drink and this seems to have helped a lot! I was pushing myself to be who everyone on the outside persevered me to be and I’m just not that person all the time. I got myself in a sticky situation awhile back and it was a wake up call to listen to me. I guess bottom line is some days, periods of time are free from these negative thoughts and emotions so go do what you want and feel free and happy. On those dreary not so good days, periods of time listen and maybe just do other things that bring you close to your spiritual side outside of the building itself (nature for me it’s hiking) and Listen to you and try to work on being ok with it Hope this helps.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think whatever helps increase the perception of safety/ feeling of safety, helps. A different seat, sleep, trustworthy people, figuring out precisely what the triggers are, being understood, exits, being able to move, something hopeful to read or hold, changing (my) thoughts, or things that do. Deep breathing actually worsens it for me though, and simple grounding not always effective.

:hug:

 

[Jacey_344]

God will love you the exact same amount whether you speak to him in a church or at home! he loves you either way, even more so by seeing how brave you are being and how strong you are as a person. Breathing and grounding techniques really help me too! sometimes, i find listening to music before doing something that makes me anxious helps a lot. continue speaking to God where you feel comfortable, and speak to your new therapist about it when you see them, some things are worth the wait. Carry on being you, stay strong and brave!

 

[Justmehere]

If someone had fear of flying after a plane crash, they would not just go to the airport and hop on a plane. Nor would it be recommended to completely avoid airports.

Instead they would be advised to break it down, and take it step by step. First it might start off by visualizing driving by the airport, and working through to visualizing being in the airport and then on the plane. Then perhaps they might have someone actually drive them by the airport. Then go to the parking lot the next time. Then the parking lot and a little further.

The idea would be to go just as far as symptoms kick in, but not completely take over.

So, no, I wouldn’t recommend just going to church and getting overwhelmed. I also wouldn’t recommend total avoidance of any trigger. The more one avoids, the harder it can get to break the avoidance.

On a spiritual angle, we are the church. It’s not the building. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not going to the building. I’m very involved in my church, but rarely go to Sunday services. I can watch pastor online without the travel there. But I stay connected to the people and other aspects of the faith lived out in community. That being said, I do continue to work through any fears that pop up, simply because I don’t want trauma to take the freedom away from me to choose to go to services or not.

Sounds like you have good connections and community at your church. Maybe someone would be willing to perhaps do something like walk by the church and be a safe person to support you with a small amount of exposure, and then go get coffee or do something fun to celebrate getting through a bit of exposure. This might help keep the avoidance from getting worse and also not set yourself back.

Also, look up all you can on grounding techniques. My favorite for stopping a panic attack in its tracks - a frozen water bottle. I have had a panic attack in church and went and walked into the kitchen and just stuck my hand in a cup of ice from the freezer. Pastor walked in and looked at me funny for a moment, and wouldn’t recommend that action per se, but it worked. And then the trauma sensitive pastor and I had a good laugh when I explained I was stopping a panic attack and that recovery is weird...

Anyhow....

A frozen water bottle is a lot easier and doesn’t have to be explained. It can zap the nervous system to the here and now, and out of the past, where the trauma happened. There are lots of other grounding techniques out there. They won’t work super well at first, but the more you use them, the better they will work.

Learning all you can about grounding techniques will also give you a big head start on therapy.

Most of all, I’m so sorry for what your abuser did to you, and in the church, of all places. It should have never happened. :hug:

 

[CourageofSnow]

Thanks everyone. I am taking this one day at a time and right now the mere thought of going to a social activity or church feels overwhelming.

Over the weekend I managed to get out to the shops and to a local cafe. Both were small and quiet, I was on edge the whole time. It was a small victory nonetheless.

I like the frozen water bottle idea. At home I hold ice cubes until I feel the burn which helps to ground me. Most of the time I use the what can I see, what colours are they technique and if my dog is nearby I grab him and pat him - fluffy golden retriever who loves pats. These help at home.

 

[Daph]

Maybe said already...as I only skim and maybe I am out to lunch on this one.?
Some mentioned they watch services online and I know some churches that allow you to tie in on real time via phone.

Attending (anything/event) physically and having participation gives us the added encouraging association.
Is it an option to have someone visit and/or study with you outside of the place that triggers you?

I say visit or study because sometimes our head in not in the game and we are in need of just a coffee/chat. But the study option being there to maybe fill that spiritual need with some interaction. A baby step...(lol sidetracked, that phrase always makes me chuckle/think of a movie.)
Maybe slowly add having different ones come along with that person you trust.

It helps when I know a few people more personally in bigger social events as a distraction. Lets you focus, if/when you want to try attending again, that hey I get to see them, and I wonder how things are going for them, etc. Have more positivity to relate to the place.

 

[SeedMan]

For me, issues of control and safety are paramount; therefore, when going places I suspect could be triggering, (even service club meetings I've been attending for 10 years), I like to have an escape plan and path in mind ahead of time. I position myself in the room where I can make a discreet exit if need be. Even if I don't leave, giving myself permission to do so if I need to drops my anxiety level immensely. Also, I knit and do so in public. The tactile sensations of nice yarn and the rhythmic movement really help me stay in my body. Hope this helps and congratulations on having the courage to reach out.