Coping with dissociation on a busy schedule

[TheSeeker]

Hi :) I apologize if this ends up being a novel. I am just reaching out most of all for encouragement.
I have been a member here for a few years...then I had some major medical issues (followed by major surgery) and actually forgot about this forum until I started having bigger problems with dissociation.
I suppose my various emotional coping mechanisms/ maladaptive behaviors could go into different subcategories...but of course they are a jumbled mess.

I have PTSD/Depression/Anxiety with dissociation. The most difficult for me to navigate lately is the dissociation. I have been in trauma therapy for a little over a year now, and being honest I have made huge progress. My therapist is a perfect fit for me. I have come from having complete dissociative episodes lasting several months, to (often) being aware of the warning signs of an impending episode, and learning to navigate through one without a complete break from "reality". During the time of my most severe dissociation, I also had the illness (severe endometriosis) which eventually led to my surgery (hysterectomy). It seems the out of control hormones may have played a huge role in my mental deterioration.
During this time, thankfully, my husband was largely able to care for our 2 children.

But, now that I have improved so much, I have taken back the brunt of the childcare while my husband works a full day and then works at home in the evenings.
Sometimes at night I have been able to ask for help. I know, intellectually, how important that is. I know that without asking for help, I begin deteriorating rapidly once again. I generally am unable to get help during the day. Family is far away and after a cross country move I've yet to make any reasonably close friends.

To my point...what do you all do, when you are under huge stress, but unable to receive help?
I am struggling more and more with keeping my dissociation in check as I go about the daily routines of two different camps for my kids, juggling pick up times and lunches, snacks and errands, swim lessons and evening ballet classes, dinner, showers, bedtime.....

I am stretched so very thin. And it really feels like my husband doesn't get it any more.
I was having an utter and complete meltdown/episode yesterday...a bad one, and today he casually asks me, among the usual chaos, if I can take my son to the pediatrician between camp and swimming. No, I can't....but I have to.
I can't say no. Partly out of guilt as to what a "good mother " "should be able to do", and partly out of my general inability to say "NO."

So I find myself treading water while needing to stay afloat somehow during day after day of a grueling schedule. Not dissociating. If I start to dissociate, the struggle to stop and snap back to where I need to be. And to pretty much do it in silence, because my husband is basically emotionally unavailable.

I am doing my best. Therapy, meds, journaling, grounding as much as possible...when the voices screaming in my head allow it. I don't really know how to do this much longer.

Thanks for reading all this...help? encouragement? anything, please, would mean the world to me.

 

[shimmerz]

Have you been able to speak to your husband about how overwhelmed you are? Taking care of kids during the best of times is a challenge. While dissociated or knowing that you are setting yourself up by being overwhelmed is just a recipe for disaster, as you are expressing here.

Do you ever have babysitters in just for some 'you time'? A neighbour or friends who have kids that you can swap time with? Relatives that don't mind watching the kids?

 

[TheSeeker]

thank you for your reply :)
My husband does know how much stress I am under, but i don't think he *knows*. Like it does not register, he does not take it seriously.
As for getting help around the neighborhood, my neighbors keep to themselves and I've yet to make any good friends here that I would feel comfortable asking for such a favor of. My family is all over 3 hours away as well.
Babysitting is not in the cards at the moment as money is very tight.

 

[anonymous]

First, personally I would cut out all sports activities and anything extra that you can that is draining you, but keep counseling as your top priority. Many may disagree with me, but if you can't function, your kids and your husband are going to be far worse off for a longer period of time. You have to put your own oxygen mask on first period. Trauma therapy by itself is very draining, but well worth it in the long run.

If your husband doesn't get it, maybe have a joint session with your counselor to help him understand. If you can try and shut up the 'good mom' voice, because I guarantee your kids would prefer a healthy mom that's emotionally present far more than a disassociated Mom. I spent many years like that before I found my current therapist and the damage it has done to my kids still breaks my heart.

Cutting out sports might also free up quite a bit of additional funds for babysitting.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think the major issue in all of this is not being able to say no and not being able to advocate for your own needs.

 

[mylunareclipse]

Not sure how old you kids are, or where you live, but like someone above said you don't have to be super mom. You don't have to bring them to camp and swimming lesson on same day. Depending on the kids age you can organize simpler activities at home, or activities that involve you too, such as going for a walk, solving puzzles, going biking, watching movies, handpaiting. Then again they can do some activities like that around the house by themselves why you get some alone time. Don't stretch yourself so thin. I am not sure why today's pressure on parents is so high. I don't think your kids need camp and other activities on the same day. On top of that you need some stuff too. What's the worse that can happen if you stop some of these activities?

 

[Deleted member 35429]

Wow your schedule sounds too hard for anybody. I have children, I work, and I live in an affluent area where we are all expected to be enrolled in everything. But I sort of batch the activities so it's manageable and when I've been in peak PTSD/dissociation,I ensure activities slow down, we play more cards more, watch movies, play in the yard. Over scheduling is too maddening for me when I'm in that state. Kids don't mind reigning it in usually.

I remember a French psychologist was on the news after witnessing one of the terrorist bombings recently. He said he had PTSD and he said he treated himself by doing EVERYTHING slower. He said for the first weeks/months after the trauma, he made a point to walk slower, drive slower, do less, even talk slower. He did everything possible to de-stress his life to ensure he could process the trauma. I've tried to follow that lead. So when you are in peak stress, cut out all the fat in life. Just do the basics. Focus on what's important.