But there is some truth to what you say, or someone wouldn't have thought up the saying....you get more with honey than with vinegar, or just kill them with kindness.....I think the key for me is if someone wants to be kind to me.....and I'm kind back....do I get the hints for an unnecessary favor.....yeah, I get this....I work on boundaries and that helps....I wish boundary setting came more naturally.My biggest core belief is definitely "I'm unlovable." It fits so perfectly into thinking that others only want me around when I have a use, and not because they care about me. Haven't really found a counter since I think, deep down, everyone does things subconsciously or consciously for their own needs. For instance, when people help me or are kind, it's because they want to gain my trust so I'll do things for them. I remember telling this to my boyfriend and having him say "How sad is it to think an act of kindness is selfish." It's really stuck with me.