Core Beliefs & Counters

RussellSue

Not Active
He provides a buffer zone and a forcefield that stops me being a needy-and-exploitative- people-magnet, which was draining me down to near fatal levels, when I met him.
That is great. Some of us really do need the extra help. I used to be really bad that way, too, but got help learning to instead be pretty standoffish many years ago.

Most of my family is not diagnosed on the spectrum but after my nephew was diagnosed, a lot of things seemed to make sense, especially regarding my mother who is high functioning but almost never didn't have help from her parents. I can't say for sure but the ways she resembles my nephew are pretty amazing. I do know that the empathy she had for me as a kid was over the top and really more than she could handle. It made her nuts.

My mother's lack of awareness is also pretty astounding. It really does make it hard to sort anything out.

Best of luck to you with hopefully figuring out your mother. It's hard work trying to understand people who cannot provide you with much insight into themselves.
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
being on guard against bad things will keep me safe from bad things.

Sure, staying in my own lane is safer than crossing the centerline, but doesn't stop the assholes that do cross the centerline. Being hypervigilant beyond cleaning my headlights and tail lights every time I gas up, keeping my tires and brakes in top shape, watching my mirrors and looking both ways at intersections and stuff like that is all good and does help my survival chances, but being angry for a month after every close call, fearing for my life whenever I sit behind a dashboard - doesn't help anyone get home alive.

If the planets are aligned, you are gonna feel the wrath of the whatever on the high place looking down. Thats how it is, was, and will always be. Relax and enjoy the ride.
 

kkd

Learning
It would have been better for all involved if that one situation had gone ahead and resulted in my demise. Sibling would have been better off as an only sibling after that. The sibling one is a BFD right now because Sibling is pushing for more interaction and I really f*cking failed Sibling back then. At some point Sibling will remember to be angry and cut me out so it'd be best if we just did that now but they want their kids to know me (for now anyway). And I was the older responsible one which just makes it worse.

People move on and to be honest I was not contributing anything positive. And none of the positive stuff I've done or caused in the After Times is anything specific to me.

The stuff before and after was avoidable if I had just gotten with the damn program.

It's not that big a deal and lots of other people had the same stuff happen and moved right on and bounced back. You (I) should have known.

Second-guessing to hell anything physically that hurts or whether I'm actually sick or injured "enough" to "deserve" any kind of concession. I'm probably exaggerating or making it up.

I don't get stressed.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I was abused and humiliated by those close to me due to my mental illness, therefore everyone else is a potential abuser that I cannot trust and will do the same thing, (including healthcare professionals).

Counter.

That's a cognitive distortion. Not everyone is a total asshole f*ckwit. There are good people on this planet.
 

Breathe

Learning
I’ve been meaning to write down a collection of my Core Beliefs for awhile now, but they still remain scattered across many threads (or let’s pretend this never happened :whistling: forgotten about almost as soon as I become aware of it; until the next time I run face first into it, and forget just as quickly all over again).

So I thought, if I’m having this problem perhaps others are, too... & having a place where one can jot down Core Beliefs they’re struggling with, or become aware of, might be useful.

If you have a Counter? Exceptions, toe and finger holds, something you use to work around &/or start shifting a Core Belief? Toss that on up here, too :sneaky:
I’m curious, because I’m actively exploring my beliefs and distortions about my ptsd or beliefs and distortions that came about subsequently due to a triggering event that happened recently. Is this particular discussion of core beliefs/cognitive distortions in reference to being able to distinguish between distortions and how they pertain to our core beliefs? I am asking because I wonder if this kind of self work could also be beneficial to me. If I’m way off please explain!
 

Friday

Moderator
Is this particular discussion of core beliefs/cognitive distortions in reference to being able to distinguish between distortions and how they pertain to our core beliefs?
It can be.

It’s certainly something many people have already done / it’s part of their process in finding counters, exceptions, and ways to start working around problematic Core Beliefs. So you’re certainly welcome to do the same!

HOWEVER

“How Cognitive Distortions Shape, Support, & Affect Our Core Beliefs” is also different enough (and super interesting!) to rate it’s own thread. 😁 I’d post on that thread! It’s a cool topic.

AND AS ALWAYS

Taking a general-concept public thread topic (like this one) where we’re all exploring the same topic together, & creating a personal-thread on the same topic to work on your own stuff? Is always kosher. Because they’re 2 totally different questions.

What’s your ___________
Help me with my _______

So you’re welcome (even encouraged!) to start a new thread, or post on here, or both.
 

Breathe

Learning
It can be.

It’s certainly something many people have already done / it’s part of their process in finding counters, exceptions, and ways to start working around problematic Core Beliefs. So you’re certainly welcome to do the same!

HOWEVER

“How Cognitive Distortions Shape, Support, & Affect Our Core Beliefs” is also different enough (and super interesting!) to rate it’s own thread. 😁 I’d post on that thread! It’s a cool topic.

AND AS ALWAYS

Taking a general-concept public thread topic (like this one) where we’re all exploring the same topic together, & creating a personal-thread on the same topic to work on your own stuff? Is always kosher. Because they’re 2 totally different questions.

What’s your ___________
Help me with my _______

So you’re welcome (even encouraged!) to start a new thread, or post on here, or both.
Gotcha! Thanks for explaining. I am feeling encouraged to post that new thread as well :)

Also, is the exception about the core belief?
 
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Breathe

Learning
I was physically abused and my boundaries were violated when I was very young. Now I don’t trust that I will be believed and respected.
Counter: I am powerful enough to accept nothing less than respect for boundaries and genuine empathy from my romantic partners.
My core belief that physical discipline isn’t necessary is distorted into “physical discipline is always abuse and anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong.” Therefore when I am triggered on my core belief I start to believe there is something I shouldn’t trust about my partner or experiencing increased triggers.
 

Rani G2

MyPTSD Pro
Get hard or loose respect!
Peoples of origin believe in : Never ever disclose your struggles because that’s weakness, that’s when you loose respect..
12 yrs of Therapy and I’m still grappling with this BS. Ex stepfather sends a message he is being admitted to the closed psychiatric ward, he asks me to take on power of attorney? What the f***?... Mother got cancer last year, now she’s having a nerve issue and suffering with f****** pain. 500 Euros debited from my account because me being an idiot made a wrong contract, then dealt with that sh*... was able to get that done. Then woman being verbally assaulted in the train.. and all of that on one Day..

So.. am I calling anyone to speak about it? No.. because in my head the Mantra goes : Deal with that sh*** you are an adult! Be strong.. and all that crap.

Encounter: Whats love got to Do with it? who needs a heart when a heart can be broken.. corny 80s music and eating the second cheeseball pack.. then crying and then nausea due to cheeseballs.

pathetic
 

grief

Sponsor
> emotional composure is vital to all circumstances.
except when dealing with small children or individuals in severe crisis. you must be able to be vulnerable to a certain extent or they will not trust you.

> i do not hold any inherent value.
i have achievements and accomplishments which are noteworthy. i help people escape circumstances similar to my own. i support my family.

> i am an immoral person.
what is ethical is objective but it is dependent upon the situation. i completed the most ethical action at the time and despite being extremely young i would choose the same outcome as an adult.

> i am physically unattractive.
attractiveness is subjective and my opinion of my own appearance is not as relevant as others'.

> people do not like me. people find me annoying. i am self-centered.
i was not put on this earth to be liked. my husband and daughter like me. i get along well with my friends. i am willing to acknowledge my shortcomings.
 

Bubblegum

New Here
"I'm useless, a burden"
- I don't care what happens to my body, to me, as long as I am of use to someone.
People can take their anger out on me, use me in a way they see fit. Maybe then, I'll have value.
If I make someone feel better, maybe my existence won't be in vain. So I'll force myself to do this thing, even if I don't really want to.
I still feel like a burden, maybe it'd be better if I just didn't exist, then id stop being in everyone's way.

"I'm an idiot, I have no talent"
- I know nothing, nothing I do matter. My art, my cooking, my music, all of it is useless, I can't even finish a book anymore, my focus is none existent. Everyone is pushing out content like it's nothing, why can't I do that? I guess I didn't have a future after all.

"I'm ugly, disgusting, unlovable"
- I don't have any value, my scars are ugly, my body is ugly, I am ugly inside and out. I'll settle with anyone who gives me a little attention, if it hurts, I deserve that too. I'm broken, that's why I can't have good people in my life who respect me, I don't deserve that. How could anyone possibly care for me, everyone leaves in the end. I said something dumb again probably, I'll just leave. They're looking over here, they're probably disgusted by me. (I have no counters for this, there's been a couple occasions where I didn't feel like this, I wish it was more frequent though)

"no matter what I do, no matter what I achieve, it's just luck, and it'll all fall apart either way, because I'm sick, so what's the point of trying"
- I don't remember a time where I was happy and healthy, so I don't think I'll ever achieve it.

"everything is my fault, because I'm an ugly, disgusting, useless, idiot with nothing going on in their life. I'm a burden to everyone around me, I am broken, with no right to live, I don't deserve being happy" - sometimes I combine all of the above, at my lowest, which is where I've been the past 8 months.

Tbh writing it out, and I hate to admit it - is easy. Now that I read these over again and over again, it's pretty painful, and honestly it's pretty soul sucking. I would never say any of this about, or to anyone else.

And while I'm sitting here as my more rational self, I can't help but think: why don't I have more compassion for myself? I mean I know why, but It's just so heavily ingrained into my brain, all of this, and it have been for as long as I can remember. No T has ever really given me any strategies to deal with these, cept for "get over it"??? Idk after writing all this I just feel super exhausted, I might just go take a nap.

Don't really have any fixes, I hope to come up with some kind of strategy in the future, keeping these notes is a step, maybe me and my T can come up with something in order to change these patterns? Would it be possible? I hope so, I want to be able to go outside again without having a panic attack, or have it turn into a burnout.

Silver lining I guess, but now I have a goal???
 
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