Could It Get Any Worse

[mamachick]

So much has happened over the past 10 years. I am one to believe that we often bring or attract things, so I probably take more responsibility than deserved. There have just been so many things, like I have been on a roll of the worst kind of luck, on top of having ptsd and no support system. Oh I had supports, but not currently.

Yesterday my husband that I have been seperated from said he wont give me a cent or pay any household bills. Our kids are grown and we were married 27 years. This is exactly the fear that I imagined. I guess I always knew there was a really mean side to him. I am disabled and have little income. He makes good money, as his career was priority and I did everything else.

I am just waiting for the lights to get shut off, my phone, cable, internet, etc. I dont have money to pay a lawyer, he has all the funds that he has stashed into accounts from his pay. I have so much anxiety and SI off and on. I havent given up yet but I feel like I just dont belong anywhere and even my kids have turned their back on me.

I allowed it to get to this point to get my kids through college. I am such a fool. I waited until I am so broke down. I only hope the judge will see him for what he really is, but I dont expect much. I envision being homeless, loosing my dogs, pushing a cart, and no health care. The abuse is not typical, he is slippery and cunning. I want the hate I have for him out of my heart. He is worse than any man that comes home and beats his wife weekly, there are just no bruises.

How do we get out of depression when the environment is so negative, often isolated with a hit and run here and there.

 

[nimkekaa]

No bright ideas for you but I am here and listening.

Hug if you need them.

 

[nursenurse]

Do you have any legal aid where you are? You are entitled to some support, your soon to be Ex (and please let the door slam him on his butt or worse on the way out) is bullying you. Check with a crisis centre or a woman's shelter, they might be able to point you in the right direction. I would like to think that any judge with half a heart would see the situation for what it is. The same for your depression. It's hard to fight the Big Mean Guy when he has made you feel so small. You deserve better.

 

[mamachick]

I called my friend who is a lawyer today. I gave her a retainer 10 yrs ago. The thing is that she said now, is that she would rather me get another attorney because 1. she was a friend of both of ours, and 2. she said she would be a better witness and very willing to do so. Her husband is also the prosecuting attorney in our town.

We raised our kids together and she said that the amount of unpaid investment is often tied to the amount of alimony. Unpaid (children well cared for, mom volunteering, all kinds of activities, driving, parenting, I even taught parenting classes, church,) In 15 yrs that our kids were in same activities, I was always patient, calm, reasonable, etc so she is a good witness. In addition, she witnessed all the renovating that I did on the house, much more than he did. I sanded floors, painted, tiled, refinished woodwork, landscaped, tarred the 3 story roof, etc. So she did give me someone to call and we discussed some options.

On the other hand, he is a fool and coward and may be all bs. When he figures its going to be worse for him, he may be more agreeable, in which case she could do it. Its up in the air for now, but I will call tomorrow. We have legal aid and I might qualify, but they are not very agressive

 

[nursenurse]

I hope it goes well. He sounds blustery. You worked just as hard if not harder, than he did, just in different ways :)

 

[cdg]

Sounds like a palimony case. Hopefully the judge will see it that way. Hopefully you are entitled to half.

 

[mamachick]

We were married 27 years-legally

 

[nursenurse]

Then he's full of hot air. To think that you aren't worth anything after 27 years. Makes my blood boil.

 

[mamachick]

Monday I did all the things that I needed to do to get the ball rolling. Felt very stagnant. By Tuesday, talked to realtor and second attroney. Feel every door is shut and things are complicated. But I will answer my own question ---Yes, it can get worse. I caused my own self destructive behavior. Trying to stay positive but knowing that nothing ever changes and feeling stuck, I threw some caution in the wind, and yes, things can get worse.

Please never think things cant get worse. I now see how apathetic that question is. Apathy leads to more bad things.