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Sufferer Csa and scared to start treatment

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RecoveryBird

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Hi. I recently have started going through the process of starting EMDR, and i'm terrified because I don't want to let go of my TraumaIdentity.
a little bit about me is that I'm 16, I really love Demi Lovato, and my favorite color is yellow.
 
Hi. I recently have started going through the process of starting EMDR, and i'm terrified because I don't want to let go of my TraumaIdentity.
a little bit about me is that I'm 16,

Welcome to the forum, lots of fine people here who will get you and understand what you are going through.:hug:

Why do you want to hang onto your TraumaIdentity? I am just curious.
 
Welcome to the forum, lots of fine people here who will get you and understand what you are going through....

It mostly feels safe to me. not safe like, having flashbacks and stuff and feeling scared all the time, but being A Victim is one of my parts. it feels so ingrained in me, if that makes any sense.
 
I totally understand now and it is important to respect all parts of yourself and their beliefs, yet in therapy I think the ultimate goal is integration, so I am wondering if you are presently just accepting this part now as it is and not judging it.

I hope that you will be able to teach this part why it is not saving your life as it did when you were younger and to help this part to want to become healthier. You made perfect sense to me. Good luck with the EMDR, I had it and it changed my life for the better so I wish you success with it.:hug:
 
Letting the victim role lead may be comforting, however it leads to a lifetime of victimization. I understand how hard it is to shift from someone who is taken care of, to someone who takes care of herself, and you are just 16, so in reality, you are still being taken care of to some degree, I would hope.
Are you doing Internal Family Systems Therapy? Is that why you refer to the victim role as a part? Just curious. I love your name here. It is a wonderful way to express recovery. It is a long path, and not easy, but you will find help here and hopefully you will get to work on the victim part, since that's something you've identified as fear. I'm glad you joined us, and I hope you feel supported during your recovery.

Wow, didn't mean to lecture. I'm sorry. I just remember being 16, and trying to prove to everyone I wasn't a victim, when I should have acknowledged that part and dealt with it back then. I'm not usually such a lecturer.
 
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Hi and welcome :)

I do IFS as well, and also have a strong victim part. She used to be stronger to be honest, still comes out and takes over once in a while but not as much as before therapy and I do have a stronger grip on the system's behavior.

I don't know where you are in terms of process in therapy, but we do learn how to unblend. And the focus of therapy is, should be anyway for us, to let the Self lead. Once we start to unblend more often out of the victim part, we become more focused in recovery.

If you want to be partially blended (I assume with you being 16 you still have a strong connection with your abuse, so it's difficult to unblend completely, I totally understand that), you can always start a conversation with that part that is protecting your exile or exiles, and work with that part for the benefit of the whole system, instead of just themselves.

The thing about the victim part is that they tend to attach themselves to firefighters that will look for other forms of victimization as coping mechanisms, hence perpetuating abuse in your life, being a victim is all they know.

I really urge you to unblend a bit from that part that you call your identity, to figure out if you do want it to be your real identity.

Gentle hugs.
 
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