Csa and the therapy relationship

[piratelady]

: "if I had a patient that did not trust me I would not continue with that client". She was talking to someone else, but, my head kinda ripped around and I said "trust is not that easy

My therapist told me a couple months ago that we wouldn’t be able to work together if I couldn’t trust him. He didn’t mean right that second, and he knows he had to earn that trust (that had been covered previously). I think there are some people we get a feeling about and will never be able to trust. In that case, yeah working together in a therapeutic relationship isn’t beneficial. But if that trust can be built over time, then that’s a different story.

So I fear my therapist just acts caring because I pay her but that she secretly thinks I am messed up and disgusting -

I feel the exact same way! Well most of the time. When my therapist and I are working on current day issues I feel genuinely cared for. When we’ve delved into the past I feel just as you’ve said above, I imagine it’s a byproduct of our abuse?

For your upcoming appointment, when I’m in that situation I tremble the whole day leading up to my appointment, my stomach goes crazy and sends me to the bathroom constantly. I try to acknowledge what I’m upset about. Then I try to think through the worst case scenario and how I will react. Once I feel like I have a plan, my nerves calm down somewhat. I don’t know if that will help you or not.

 

[hithere]

wow your whole situation really is stressful. my therapy has been extremely stressful for many reasons. A good trauma therapist knows trust is hard and some people take years to trust their therapist. Peter Wagner writes about this and how sad it is that many people are terminated by a therapist who take things personally when a client doesn't trust quickly. If you like to read Peter Wagner's books and articles are encouraging. My guess is that the therapist at your dinner party did not have many csa clients, and if they did, they were not helpful for that client. I understand getting wigged out by a statement like that. I hope you don't have a counselor like your acquintance! One thing my current t tells me is, "you do have personal power in therapy. you can walk out, you can say I'm not going to do this, you can cancel," that doesn't make me a bad person if I cancel minutes before the session. I do have choices. I feel for you. This is not easy stuff AT ALL. (honestly I'm kind of pissed off at your dinner acquintance! LOL.)

 

[Maroon731]

I just read a feed in here about someone who's therapist became their best friend. Oddly this gave me a better perspective, and a more calm feeling. And I don't want to be her "friend", I just don't want to lie that I know her. And maybe I thought I didn't want a rule that we wouldn't be friends but after I just read that feed my mind is changing a little. But, if I see her at a school event, or somewhere else in town and I want to be able to walk up to her as I do any acquaintance (or visa versa) and say Hi, how are you? etc. Not be treated like I am a stalker or that I might want to talk about some anxiety, etc. (let's face it, I can barely talk in private, doubt I would say anything to her in public that was uncomfortable). Anyway, I am going to try and keep it in perspective. And I might even bring up the dinner conversation that I had with the other therapist.
To get to an appt. in the past I will do my best to put it out of my mind (as I do with many things) but physically my body trembles. And then when I get to the meeting I can't sit still and my brain doesn't work. I was thinking this next one, I will go early and park aways and walk to the appointment, maybe that will help.