Childhood CSA Into Adulthood

[hymnless]

hey guys

like four months ago i disclosed something to my therapist by accident that i'd sworn to myself that i'd never tell anyone. i've been shoving my feelings about it away until recently and now i'm starting to fall apart again. my dad sexually abused me from 8-18ish, stopped for a bit, then again from 20-21. i can't find anything online really about csa that continues past age 18. there's also not a ton out there about csa that stops and begins again with the same abuser. am i completely alone with these things?

 

[Friday]

i can't find anything online really about csa that continues past age 18

That’s just because it’s still sexual abuse, but you’re no longer a child. The terms switch up, is all.

It’s really common for sexual predators to abuse the same person off and on for years. The off times? Have various causes. A common one is when pedophiles are attracted to some ages, but not all ages. Most pedophiles have a fairly narrow range of a certain developmental stage (less age by years, more infant, toddler, prepubescent, adolescent, etc.), but many have a few fave ages, and some either don’t have a favorite age and any kid of any age is in their target group, or it’s less about them being a child and more about the total power & control one has over a child. <<< That last one makes up one of the groups of rapists who are especially attracted to raping their own families IF they feel they have total control over the situation, cults, rape camps, armed rape squads, prisons, illegal immigrants in their employ, etc. For that particular group of scum it’s more about exploiting vulnerability / total power & domination being sexually attractive, rather than an age (or often sex/gender, most pedophiles don’t switch hit, these often do) being sexually attractive.

Which gives you a few different avenues to find commonality... sexually abusive cults, in particular, just because they’re better studied thannfamily groups (in no small part because they’re easier to find, and more inclined to cooperate with people they view as having authority over them :( Similar to how it’s easy to study military personal, because they’re easy to find, and used to obeying / answering questions put to them. In addition to the hoards of researchers descending on forcibly disbanded cults, there’s also all the aid workers working with individuals who have left a cult, and both primary and secondary research, there). Your abuser is hardly unique, it just sounds like he either didn’t find “his people”, or doesn’t like to share &/or not be top dog. Which is also common, the ‘can dish it out but not take it’ cowards at their core &/or narcissistically bent is common in a lot of forms of abuse and abusers.

People not being willing to cooperate with scientists & journalists, by offering up their histories for study or public consumption? Doesn’t mean they don’t exist. It just means they’re far more elusive.

 

[hymnless]

That’s just because it’s still sexual abuse, but you’re no longer a child. The terms switch up, is all.

Ok maybe using the term csa as it relates to someone over 18 was not logical lol. On a more serious note, I actually really benefitted from your response so thank you.

It just makes me feel so gross.

 

[Phoenix(not)]

hymnless, I am so sorry this happened to you, It is not your fault and I empathise how you may feel. My son's life was ruined by CSA while at boarding school. Sadly, we share a common bond of having PTSD from completely different events. His life was changed abruptly by the assaults and he struggles to overcome and is an alcoholic - to dull the pain. It breaks my heart since I paid a lot of $ to get him into that school only to see this became a life-changer for him. I wish I could offer some advice to help you reconcile the events and help you move on, but I can only encourage you to heal as best you are able, become adept at Mindfulness so you can deal with those moments when you may become overwhelmed and of course work with your psychologist to help ease your pain and offer other strategies to alleviate your pain. I wish you well in your road to recovery.

 

[Elef]

Hi Hymless

Your post reminded me of a news article I read awhile ago so I found it for you.

Dead Link Removed

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe search “adult incest”...?

I’m sure you’ll find many stories that started when the victims were minors.

 

[Mach123]

Oh this is me: ). The circumstances are slightly different but I passed into adulthood with it. I can't begin to explain the conundrum. This was going on since I could remember and then suddenly I was 19. Now what? What's it all mean? My sexuality and gender identity got so compartmentalised that I had no idea who "I" was or if that even existed. I ran away then, when I was 19 and I found a gir,l or she found me. We were attached at the hip till she had to leave because I kept trying to bury it all with drugs. I never told her why I was like that (?) but she probably knew a little. She knew what i was like but not why. Even I couldn't let myself know that.

 

[Lucycat]

My abuse stopped when I was 14 and a half as he moved on to others ( I learned much later). When it all came out in the open a few years ago I discovered one of my school friends was abused by him over the age of 16 so she could not be used in the court case - they could not prove she had not consented? However she felt dreadful for not being in a position to support me with her evidence, I never for one minute think she consented to anything. He was a manipulative controlling predator.

I am sure these people abuse anyone they see as vulnerable - regardless of age. It is about power and control.

 

[Lionheart]

My father psychologically abused me as a child. Then physically abused me as a young boy. By the time I turned 13 years old I had been abused by several different perpetrators. The abuse included sexual child abuse, and brutal sexual molestation.

I grew up without boundaries or knowledge of my basic human rights and I continued to place myself in situations as an adult where I would be abused further. I developed a process addiction called repetition compulsion where one acts out the original abuse traumas over and over and over. So, abuse lasted well into adulthood and I was in my late 30s before I finally sought help. I didn't know it was wrong....it was all I knew.

I know it is not exactly the same as your experiences, but the fact remains that we were both abused as children and later as adults. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and that I wish you all the best with your healing journey!!!

 

[Mach123]

My father psychologically abused me as a child. Then physically abused me as a young boy. By the time I turned 13 years old I had been abused by several different perpetrators. The abuse included sexual child abuse, and brutal sexual molestation.

I grew up without boundaries or knowledge of my basic human rights and I continued to place myself in situations as an adult where I would be abused further. I developed a process addiction called repetition compulsion where one acts out the original abuse traumas over and over and over. So, abuse lasted well into adulthood and I was in my late 30s before I finally sought help. I didn't know it was wrong....it was all I knew.

I know it is not exactly the same as your experiences, but the fact remains that we were both abused as children and later as adults. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and that I wish you all the best with your healing journey!!!

OMG yes, over and over. It's like looking at it and going??? What? Or watching myself in a movie.

 

[Lionheart]

Hi @Mach123 , Here is a link to a site that discusses and explains repetition compulsion. Repetition Compulsion: Why Do We Repeat the Past? I thought you might find it helpful and anyone else who wonders about it.