Relationship Curious If Wife Is Suffering From Ptsd

[Moparman82]

My wife and I have been together 16 yrs and we have a daughter who is almost 8. Her parents divorced when she was about 6 and subsequently her father commited suicide before her 8th birthday. We have had a fairly good relationship for all these years. About a year and a half ago she started having an emotion affair. I found out and she went to the Dr and was diagnosed with depression. About 5 months ago it was changed to bipolar depression and they have kept uping the meds. 6 weeks ago I came home to a note stating she did it again and only thing she could do was leave. Found out there was a guy from work almost our parents age she is seeing. From counselors I've seen says she probably has ptsd from her childhood since everything she has done is about the same timing as our daughters age to hers from her childhood . She won't discuss anything with me and has put our daughters feelings and mine on the back burner. Does anybody have any advice as to how to get through to her or any personal experience that can help me. I really want her back for our daughter and me.

 

[Ironlady]

My wife and I have been together 16 yrs and we have a daughter who is almost 8. Her parents divorced...

I'm sorry for what you and your daughter are going through and for everything she has endured. I noticed you said councilers you've seen but Is she currently seeing a therapist?

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

PTSD does not cause someone to cheat. I say this first and foremost as many people come here wanting to blame cheating on PTSD.

However, I do know that people will indeed act out when in emotional turmoil, and cheating is one way of acting out.

It is possible she has PTSD. I believe it's irresponsible for counsellors to say that she probablyhas PTSD without having examined her themselves.

Trauma doesn't cause just PTSD. Trauma can cause many different disorders.

It's imperative that your wife see a trauma specialist in order to get a correct diagnosis.

I also think it's imperative that she has a desire and drive to not only heal herself but your marriage as well.

Unfortunately if she has no desire to heal, there's not much you can do.

I advise reading the articles on the main page.

 

[Sweetpea76]

The only "symptoms" you are mentioning are her affairs, which aren't symptoms of PTSD.

Does she have other symptoms that lead to to believe she has PTSD rather than what she's been diagnosed with?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have PTSD. I "act out" sexually, a lot. I am not married. If I were married or in any sort of relationship, I would not and did not act out sexually. I do other things but that, no. I am one of the most faithful I I know in real life. I said no when my ex wanted to bring in others into our bed.

I also refused to sleep with anyone when my ex and I seperated until, I knew, it was 100% over.

My mother's affair which led to the worst part of my trauma likely causes some of the exteme faithfulness, but my point, trauma may led to cheating but it isn't a PTSD symptom nor would I say is PTSD is an excuse to cheat. She has a therapist and that should be worked out there.

She may have issue with commitment. Maybe worsened as your daughter becomes the age she was when any trauma happened. Maybe abandonment issues which often leds to "leave them before they leave me" or "give them something to leave me over" sort of thinking.

But again, I say no excuse and ahould have been worked out in therapy when those sort of thoughts came up well before she had the chance to act on any of it.

My advise would be to hold her responsible for it as you would anyone else. PTSD isn't an excuse for bad behavior.

Just my 2 cents.