Current therapy state

[Suzetig]

Maybe that is a misuse of therapy, but that is my current status.

I don’t know that it is necessarily a misuse of therapy, I was asking more from a place of sometimes knowing what “being done” will look like can help us know what still needs work or where the work should focus.

 

[cinderellafaye]

Is your therapist a trauma therapist?

This is just my take on things....

Many of us with trauma...

My current therapist doesn't specialize in trauma. She also does not specialize in any of my other diagnoses. She actually specializes in children, which can be helpful because sometimes I have a difficult time talking about things.

I don't think she wants me to have to repeat my trauma endlessly. It is more she wants me to be less vague about what I do remember and not censor myself.

Last year, I came across a book about IFST and read it. (I can't remember the name of it at the moment.) I told her that I although I thought that the premise was "hokey," I was willing to try it. I don't believe we actually do true IFST. I think it is more that she uses it as a way to explain my behavior. For instance, if I am hesitant to speak about something, she asks what part is holding me back and why. I can never answer such questions. I feel as though to answer, I would just be making something up.

I don't think she adheres to a certain approach or anything. I am pretty sure she doesn't. Part of it is me. I feel like I am the most difficult client in the world. I do not mean to be so resistant to therapy. I think that I am just scared.

Part of me thinks that I am too comfortable with my therapist and have, consequently, become stagnant. I am petrified of her leaving (which has happened once before). I have no idea if my thoughts on the subject are causing me to think that if I leave her first, then she cannot leave me. Or, possibly this is another way that I sabotage therapy. I have been able to speak with her much more openly in therapy about what I remember than I have in the past. Is this just me running away? I have no idea.

I have an appointment with a different therapist next week. However, I don't know how I think about it. 1) I do not really want to leave my current therapist, 2) The new person specializes in eating disorders, which although it has been quite an issue in the past, is much more under control, 3) She does not take insurance and I would, therefore, not be able to see her nearly as much and it would be more expensive (marriage sticking point), 4) I don't want to start over. (It isn't technically a completely new person. I saw her initially eons ago. But, she was my first therapist and I didn't understand that I could actually confide in her. So, I never told her about my past and I was forced to live at home with the dysfunction that made me who I am today.)

Sorry for the long post. @EveHarrington

I don't know what I should do.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think that if you’re stuck after 10 years, it’s time to move on.

I think you should seriously try to find a therapist who specializes in trauma.

I think that staying with your current therapist....and also finding a non-trauma therapist....could both be forms of avoidance. Yes, you’re getting support, but it’s not from people who know trauma, or would push you in the direction of working through your trauma....and therefore it feels safer to you.

There are no two ways about it. Working through trauma SUCKS! But, if we want to get better, we need to go to the right kind of professional and do the hard work.

With trauma, moving on isn’t a matter of starting over exactly. I see a lot of posts where people say this as a reason to stay with a non-helpful therapist. If you have more complex forms of trauma, moving on and finding another therapist is sort of the name of the game IMHO. No one therapist will be able to give us everything we need to heal. We go to one therapist....soak up everything they can do for us....and then move on to another therapist who can push our healing further. This is what I’ve been doing and while finding new therapist sucks royally, it really has helped me to move forward.

Sorry this is long, but I really do hope you look into finding a trauma therapist. Good luck!

 

[cinderellafaye]

The new person I am seeing next week specializes in ED. I asked if she works with people with PTSD and can work with clients with trauma. I have a difficult finding a therapist that will treat someone with BPD.

 

[hithere]

@cinderellafaye may I ask what ED is? How'd it go with the new therapist?