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Dangerous Down Time

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Eav, you may not have the right counselor - I consider trying to have me committed a betrayal of trust. Suicidal Ideation is different then actively pursing it. My none therapeutic support person (no degree) is aware and I flat out told him the day I stop talking about you should probably worry because if I really want to do it, I sure enough am not going to tell you so you would stop me. I have been doing "this" for 34 years and I'm still here. Trust goes both ways.
 
Justpassintime, I was in the hospital decades ago, not with this therapist. I am just afraid to tell her because of what happened in the past. I've been dealing with this on my own for 28 years--I get so tired of it all. It is really hard for me to trust anyone about this.
 
I hear you, I hear you. The fact that there are so many "bad" therapists out there doesn't help much. They a) have no idea what they are doing AND do not realize the impact and damage they could be doing out of ignorance, b) Betray your trust, giving more power to that voice that screams NOOOO don't trust anymore. Twenty years ago when I was actively seeking to recover from my childhood I got patted on the head and told me "this" was as good as it was ever going to get for me. It literal. ly seemed to be a mental health death sentence.

Imagine my surprise when I met my current therapist who not only blows my mind on a regular basis, she really understands the issues and is very very knowledge about the topic (it helps that she mostly counsels kids and her office is filled with toys :D hard to feel intimidated in that environment)

I am pretty adamant about receiving quality care when I am paying someone to treat me because my daughter could have easily died being born because the doctor utterly refused to listen to me when I kept repeatedly telling him that something was wrong. Doctors/counselors/psychiatrists my act the Gods but they are made up of the same materials we are, and they do make mistakes. I sincerely wish you could have my therapist, she has done more for me in the couple few months I've been seeing her again.
 
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I do like my therapist now--I just have trust issues, but she seems to understand that. These bad thoughts are just something I'm not sure I can share.
 
No worries Justpassintime, I wrote it kind of convoluted above. I'm so glad you've got a therapist that helps. I sure know how it is to not sleep!
 
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