Relationship Dating A Ex Combat Vet Confused

[I'll make tea]

I know he suffers from some sort of post traumatic stress when it comes to certain situations and recently has been suffering from debilitating migraines: throwing up, can't walk, can't speak no sense of surrounding.

Has he been checked for physical illness (in addition to his PTSD)?

 

[shorelinelove23]

Hey y'all I apologize for the lack in communication. Finals week was a couple weeks ago and I just started my full time job. I'm sure everyone here experiences the same frustration of the constant flip flopping of feeling like they want you around and feeling like they don't.

@CzechTexan26 that's awesome that you took the step and moved closer to him. I feel the same way you shouldn't give up on someone who feel is your soul mate. That's how I feel about my guy but it is trying that he goes back and forth with being loving and his old self to just someone I don't even know.

I kind of feel Memorial day was the off switch back to feeling like I'm bugging him. He even said I was hassling him on Sunday and that I shouldn't depend on him this morning. UGH

@I'll make tea there has not been updates on him getting checked. We got in a fight yesterday and I said that you need to go figure something out maybe go talk to someone to help you work through what your working through. But he said that nothing is wrong with.

@Sighs Amen to hoping for the best praying for the worst.

I wanted to hear if anyone else feels the same frustration as me with the flip flopping and how do y'all cope with it?
Also how do y'all deal with the lack of empathy to understand your feelings and how to effectively communicate when your feelings are hurt and all they do is shut down and respond to IDK.

 

[LostOne83]

I think that my ex and I have come to a breaking point. I don't know what to do anymore. I had heard he was tellin people that it was over between us yet he had not said anything to him. His mom had talked to him and told her the same thing and said he would contact me. After waiting I decided that I needed to call him and find out for myself. Of course the first time uncalled he didn't pick up it went straight to voicemail. What a surprise. But within a couple of mins he had called me back. I asked him if there was something he needed to talk to me about and I got the infamous I don't know.

I continued to ask him if wanting to be over and done was what he really wanted and he said I don't know. I told him he needed to tell me if that what's he wanted so that we could both move on and again got and I don't know. I started to get frustrated with him and I was like it's either a yes or a no. I told him or you're not telling me it's over because you don't want to hurt my feelings or you are still confused and still really don't know what you want? And his answer was a little bit of both. I told him we have one of two options, we can call it quits right now and it's over between us or we can continue on our break we had originally planned on and I will cut off all contact which you and you can talk to me when we are ready and revisit this one or two months down the road to see where we both stand? And he told me I guess so.

I also told him that when that time comes and I try to contact him that he can not ignore me and we will have to talk about what is going to happen between the two of us and he said ok. I know that we are both not right right now to be in a relationship. I needed up in the hospital over a week ago with anxiety attacks. I have been seeing a dr and found a treatment plan and starting counseling soon. He has started his treatment with the VA hospital, he's had his bloodwork and physical done and is going to start going back for his counseling. So we are both working on ourselves. He agreed with me when I told him that it probably wouldn't be good for us to be in a relationship right now until we both get ourselves together or nothing is going to change.

I hope this no contact thing works and he sees what it's like not having me there. We kept in touch almost everyday the first two months we were apart and I don't think that helped. Hopefully this no contact will let us clear our heads and decide what we want with each other.

I found a thing online that's really helped, it said God has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggles and a reward for your faithfulness. Don't give up!

 

[Badyogi]

When a PTSD Sufferer is in isolation mode, continuing to contact them is going to stress them more. I...

Thanks so much for putting this out there.
I have just started seeing a Vet who was very forthcoming about his PTSD when we met. I knew a little of PTSD as I work in child protection but had no idea how to manage it in from a post combat situation.

The 'no go zones' in conversation (we very quickly added a safe word that let me know that was not a good conversation to pursue) or His instructions on 'How to behave during one of his nightmares, so as not to get myself inadvertently killed trying to help him.

Thanks to you and your guidance I feel like I have a better understanding of how to help this work. Knowing that me making contact, when he is in isolation mode, isn't helping him, is a godsend. Being okay with feeling shunned, is new to me and not particularly comfortable, but learning that it's probably not my fault, pulls things back to a place I can manage.

I feel incredibly lucky that this beautiful man is willing to trust me enough to share some of his pain. Thanks to you, I will hopefully add no more. to him

 

[Ahez1991]

Geez....5 weeks?!?! That's such a long time. I hope I can be as strong as you if 'A' needs that amo...

I just went through a 3 month break up with my army ranger boyfriend of 2.5 years. He came back into my life 5 weeks ago, and this week he just disappeared again out of nowhere. It happens I’m trying to learn how to do this myself.

 

[LB226]

What my hardest thing is trying to deal with lately is why can he talk to everyone else all the time but not talk to me. It kills me inside.

@LostOne83 I can relate to this quote....Oh my gosh, can I. I'd learned that my ex combat vet had a hierarchy of people who were "safe" in his world. During a flare up, I'd hear him talking to his combat "brothers" and it was as if life was wonderful. He was happy, laughing, and so loving in his words with them. His family came second. Same thing.... With his co-workers he'd have to keep it together for the sake of his employment, so he was always cordial with them, as well. I was the last one in the hierarchy. He would behave as if everything was was great around these others, but around me, he would be cold, monotone, and critical. I remember feeling like he was Jekyll and Hyde. It was scary for me. However, at this time I didn't know these were PSTD symptoms. It was so hurtful for me, I'd pull inward. I felt like I was living with a stranger during those times.
So LostOne83, and others....how do you not take it personally?!! Even if you know the source of their actions, it's still painful for the recipient. Stay strong!