Relationship Dating Combat Vet With Ptsd

[Savannah33]

I have known my combat vet for six year - Afghanistan. We met when he was stationed in my hometown. He accomplished and was awarded greatly throughout his military career. As years passed he moved back home (across the country) to finish school. More years passed, however we never lost contact with one another.

Four months ago I bought a plane ticket and visited him. We enjoyed our time together so much that the following month he flew to my side of the country. Since then we have texted, talked and played online video games everyday, basically all day. There is no doubt we have feelings for one another. Every once in a while he will crack a little romantic remark. :)

I have been well aware that he suffers from PTSD for quite some time now. I am familiar with PTSD in the fact that I too have it however not from combat but from a negative childhood experience. I understand the tolls it takes on ones daily routine, but not saying that I understand his PTSD. Last night he called me around 230am his time and about 10 minutes into our conversation he becomes emotional and shared many MANY feelings with me and continued to become increasingly emotional. Generally when he shares he is in a calm manner. I stayed on the phone until I could hear him snoring, because I have never heard him like this before and I just wanted to make sure he was home sleeping.

Today he is noticeably distant, and I do not want to over step my boundaries but I ache to help him... Any suggestions...

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi and welcome to the forum. :)

I think it's a very natural thing to want to help someone who is in distress. I know you want to do anything you can to help him, but I fear that if you push too hard then you may alienate him. (And by "too hard" I mean----at all.)

I fully believe that love is shown through our actions. I think you can show him that you care about him by being the same caring person that you've always been with him. Maybe at some point when he isn't stressed you could express that you support him and are there to listen whenever he needs to talk. You don't need to say much more than that as I oftentimes believe it's just best to plant a seed/idea in someone's mind and then let it be so it can grow on its own. When he is stressed again he will then know he can come to you.

If he's a bit distant, I advise giving him some space. He may be a bit stressed so adding additional pressure, even just pressure to talk may be too much.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Just be an ear, and let him take the lead. Sometimes my vet just needs to talk and be listened to with no commentary. That is one thing I can do for him.

 

[Savannah33]

Thank you Eve and Sweetpea for taking the time to reply, and furthermore thank you for the advice. Today has been hard. Due to the time difference, he always wakes me with a phone call or text. Today is the first day that did not happen and I did not hear from him all day, and I respect that but, I do miss hearing about the little details of his day. I sent him a funny meme (it's our "thing") last night to ... I guess show him my feelings haven't changed. He never replied. I didn't initiate contact with him today because I wanted to give him space, I just hope he doesn't take it as disinterest and remembers how much I respect, admire, and love him.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums :)

While all vets are different... It's really common that whenever there is a sudden push of closeness? Rebound the next day or three of pulling back. I know I do this, actively attempt not to, and it still happens. I sleep myself out for a day, exhausted. I end up "losing" a few days (distraction, drama, sleep, pseudo-cold, intense exercise/crashing sleep, work, etc.) completely on accident... I look up and... Blushing. Somehow it's 3 days later??? Dangit! Again??? Brain! We've talked about this! No cowardly ass running away after getting all exposed & embarrassed. Sigh.

 

[Savannah33]

Thank you Friday Jones, it is greatly appreciated. He finally texted me very early this morning, and I could not have been happier. He is having family health issues at the moment. He shared a little more this morning and has yet to reply. I'll continue to be patient with out hesitation.
We had previously planned for him fly to see me this month, but because of recent events, that is more than likely not going to happen. And I completely understand. However, I wonder if I should offer to fly to see him... He says I'm the only person he feels close too... I feel I should go just to be there

 

[Sweetpea76]

I would hold off on talking about another visit until he is fully communicative again. He might feel more pressured.

 

[MelT]

Welcome to the forums :)

While all vets are different... It's really common that whenever there is...

Oh wow, yes.

Have been slowly getting closer to a vet (multiple tours of Middle East). I have PTSD too (from extreme violence not war)

We met through work. He has become my best friend over two years and we have there for each other through some tough times.

He knows what is going on in my head better than I do and is so comforting and protective. I am learning to read him and am deeply protective of him.

He is just teaching me his triggers and just said he loves me and has gone to ground.

Each time we get closer or he opens up a little he Isolates for about three days to a week. If he is struggling it can be a couple. I told him it is fine but to check in every now and then but if he is gone too long I will come looking. He does the same for me.

Interesting learning curve but he is so worth it.

 

[Mag]

Welcome to the forums :)

While all vets are different... It's really common that whenever there is a sud...

Hi there! I'd aprecciate if you could read the thread I started and give me a few advice if you will. Seems you can help!