K
keifer
My guide said it'd be risky. I'm tired of dealing with PTSD all the time. I'd like to talk to someone new about something different. Just wondering what you guys thought. Thanks.
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arfie
Diamond Member
Is there such a thing as a relationship without risk? Even casual friendship calls for some risk-taking.
Dating master I ain't, but it seems a night out doesn't need a marriage proposal attached. I, personally, benefit tremendously every time I let my life be bigger than my PTSD.
Dating master I ain't, but it seems a night out doesn't need a marriage proposal attached. I, personally, benefit tremendously every time I let my life be bigger than my PTSD.
Keifer,
A great question! In my experience I had a huge trauma of my home burning down. I met my current fiancée just 4 short months after. I had thought at the time, "well, I'm not doing anything else right now, may as well get back to dating".
I was not yet aware that I was in shock, so several months into my new found relationship, the shock wore off, and I was left in a new state of PTSD.
It has taken me a couple years to actually identify it, and over the past 8 months, really try to address the issue. What I was NOT expecting was how it would effect a new love in my life, nor the actual emotional openness with her.
I have for the most part been quite distant, reactive and agitated with the smallest of tasks. When a loved one asks you to grab a glass of water for them, the response shouldn't necessitate a huge *sigh* as a response, as though it's some major task.
Your situation is different, you are aware of your issues and maybe can process better then others. I would personally encourage you to date as in my opinion finding a special person can sometimes trigger us to remember the normalcy we once had in our lives and push our minds and bodies to get back to that healthier emotional state.
I would only caution you to stay aware of your feelings and be honest with whoever it is that may come into your life, which I'm sure you would. I recently talked to my fiancée about the idea that she should maybe read more about my 'condition' and while she has been AMAZINGLY supportive and patient, it takes knowledge about PTSD to cope and truly understand a partner.
I hope that this helps, and good luck!!! Love should be in the cards for all of us!!
A great question! In my experience I had a huge trauma of my home burning down. I met my current fiancée just 4 short months after. I had thought at the time, "well, I'm not doing anything else right now, may as well get back to dating".
I was not yet aware that I was in shock, so several months into my new found relationship, the shock wore off, and I was left in a new state of PTSD.
It has taken me a couple years to actually identify it, and over the past 8 months, really try to address the issue. What I was NOT expecting was how it would effect a new love in my life, nor the actual emotional openness with her.
I have for the most part been quite distant, reactive and agitated with the smallest of tasks. When a loved one asks you to grab a glass of water for them, the response shouldn't necessitate a huge *sigh* as a response, as though it's some major task.
Your situation is different, you are aware of your issues and maybe can process better then others. I would personally encourage you to date as in my opinion finding a special person can sometimes trigger us to remember the normalcy we once had in our lives and push our minds and bodies to get back to that healthier emotional state.
I would only caution you to stay aware of your feelings and be honest with whoever it is that may come into your life, which I'm sure you would. I recently talked to my fiancée about the idea that she should maybe read more about my 'condition' and while she has been AMAZINGLY supportive and patient, it takes knowledge about PTSD to cope and truly understand a partner.
I hope that this helps, and good luck!!! Love should be in the cards for all of us!!
- Post starter
- #4
D
Deleted member 1860
Well,
How far along are you in healing? If you're recently diagnosed and just starting to heal, I'd encourage friendships over relationships for now as relationships tend to make our stress cups runneth over. Not so much with friendships!
How far along are you in healing? If you're recently diagnosed and just starting to heal, I'd encourage friendships over relationships for now as relationships tend to make our stress cups runneth over. Not so much with friendships!
- Post starter
- #5
K
keifer
I don't know where I'm at in healing. I doing ok avoiding my bad coping skills of drinking and depression. I'm still discovering my triggers but I'm pretty sure I know what they are. The emotions or feelings they trigger blind side me so I'm not expecting them.
My nightmares are in frequent. I'd rather not have one ever again. I also can wake up at night crying for no reason or wide awake scared.
Places or images of hospitals and the like make me very much like the hulk. I start to shake physically or twitch. Sometimes, I think its getting worse but I don't know.
Watching TV and feeling sad, pain, makes my pain rise up so I have that emotion come to the surface or lie just beneath. If I miss my wolf too much, I also feel pain.
I have yet to feel the pain of torching my last relationship. Or mourning the loss of my best friend when I was 36. He died suddenly in a car accident one morning.
I don't know if I want a relationship. I'd like just a new friend to learn about and do things with. My friend wants me to meet the new chemistry teacher at the school where he teaches. I used to get straight a's in that class in college at 16.
My nightmares are in frequent. I'd rather not have one ever again. I also can wake up at night crying for no reason or wide awake scared.
Places or images of hospitals and the like make me very much like the hulk. I start to shake physically or twitch. Sometimes, I think its getting worse but I don't know.
Watching TV and feeling sad, pain, makes my pain rise up so I have that emotion come to the surface or lie just beneath. If I miss my wolf too much, I also feel pain.
I have yet to feel the pain of torching my last relationship. Or mourning the loss of my best friend when I was 36. He died suddenly in a car accident one morning.
I don't know if I want a relationship. I'd like just a new friend to learn about and do things with. My friend wants me to meet the new chemistry teacher at the school where he teaches. I used to get straight a's in that class in college at 16.
This is only my opinion and if it is not useful, please disregard. This is what I have found for myself and am sure it depends on the source of ptsd and symptoms.
I am not whole right now, so I attract people who either have bigger problems than myself, or more often, those who are looking for a victim-someone to bs, to control, to become dependent on, to blame, alcoholic, sociopath, etc. I know I have somewhat of a skewed perception, but if you spend much time with someone, questions come up. I believe that to be honest is the worst thing one can do until a lot of trust is built which takes a lot of time. We also seek our own reflection. I feel damaged still, and not whole, so I accept others flaws at face value. Only I dont really see them clearly, they are usually much more flawed than I am seeing. I think I have been vulnerable in some ways also. Maybe that is not the case with you.
Also, I have thought, just a date, not a relationship. But then have a couple of dates and the guy is texting and calling everyday. I have come to like to spend a lot of time alone reading and such. There are days that I do not want to be bothered and think this is healthy for me. Its part of my healing. But the other person takes it personally unless they know. If you tell them, I have found it to be used against me later. I have just found that it is just not worth it. I am attending a divorce group at the church and that is helping me to get in touch with what I am feeling. I think we all need to get out and socialize. I think if you join a group or take a class where you can meet friends that you have something in common with, you might also find someone that you want to date or same sex friends. I just think that if you decide to, that you proceed with caution. A bad relationship only complicates ptsd, further diminshes self esteem.
Whatever you do, protect yourself,
I am not whole right now, so I attract people who either have bigger problems than myself, or more often, those who are looking for a victim-someone to bs, to control, to become dependent on, to blame, alcoholic, sociopath, etc. I know I have somewhat of a skewed perception, but if you spend much time with someone, questions come up. I believe that to be honest is the worst thing one can do until a lot of trust is built which takes a lot of time. We also seek our own reflection. I feel damaged still, and not whole, so I accept others flaws at face value. Only I dont really see them clearly, they are usually much more flawed than I am seeing. I think I have been vulnerable in some ways also. Maybe that is not the case with you.
Also, I have thought, just a date, not a relationship. But then have a couple of dates and the guy is texting and calling everyday. I have come to like to spend a lot of time alone reading and such. There are days that I do not want to be bothered and think this is healthy for me. Its part of my healing. But the other person takes it personally unless they know. If you tell them, I have found it to be used against me later. I have just found that it is just not worth it. I am attending a divorce group at the church and that is helping me to get in touch with what I am feeling. I think we all need to get out and socialize. I think if you join a group or take a class where you can meet friends that you have something in common with, you might also find someone that you want to date or same sex friends. I just think that if you decide to, that you proceed with caution. A bad relationship only complicates ptsd, further diminshes self esteem.
Whatever you do, protect yourself,
Last edited by a moderator:
I know this is off topic a bit but if anyone finds it useful or can relate, then it is worth the post.
I started attending a divorce care group recently. Each week there are different topics such as depression, loneliness, etc.
There is a video for each group as well. The topic of lonliness-the video showed how people feel so desperately lonely and their need for human contact and touch, and what a vulnerable time it is for people to have casual sex, over indulge in alcohol or other behaviors. It goes on to say that God does not want us to have sex until we are married. eeeks
Well, I am a firm believer in taking what you can get from any program but that does not mean you have to buy it all. In this video, it talked about when a persons marriage has just failed, and they are feeling most needy and vulnerable, and they get involved with another person, if that turns out bad- it is a double wammy to the persons esteem. This I find very true. Since I have been seperated 10 yrs and husband refuses to move forward, I have dated and been in a serious relationship. My weakened position is why I stayed and tolerated more than I should have. Im not in AA but know that when people join AA, they suggest that members do not date for 1 yr, as other programs also suggest the same. While I agree, I know it is not always realistic. We as humans have the need to relate and be in relationships, but I do believe in real caution if we are not thinking most clearly and healthy.
I use to work with victims of domestic violence and saw it the same way. After being in an abusive relationship, people need time to heal before jumping back in. The best way to do this is with trusted friends. So I guess when it comes to ptsd, it depends where one is at in their healing. It is not behind me so I forget that others are further ahead. While I am much better-my life is still in limbo. For myself, when I make good decisions and use good judgement regularly for a period, then maybe that will be an indicator. When I am fulfilling other social needs and feel happy most of the time, that will be another. I think this is very individual to each of us.
I started attending a divorce care group recently. Each week there are different topics such as depression, loneliness, etc.
There is a video for each group as well. The topic of lonliness-the video showed how people feel so desperately lonely and their need for human contact and touch, and what a vulnerable time it is for people to have casual sex, over indulge in alcohol or other behaviors. It goes on to say that God does not want us to have sex until we are married. eeeks
Well, I am a firm believer in taking what you can get from any program but that does not mean you have to buy it all. In this video, it talked about when a persons marriage has just failed, and they are feeling most needy and vulnerable, and they get involved with another person, if that turns out bad- it is a double wammy to the persons esteem. This I find very true. Since I have been seperated 10 yrs and husband refuses to move forward, I have dated and been in a serious relationship. My weakened position is why I stayed and tolerated more than I should have. Im not in AA but know that when people join AA, they suggest that members do not date for 1 yr, as other programs also suggest the same. While I agree, I know it is not always realistic. We as humans have the need to relate and be in relationships, but I do believe in real caution if we are not thinking most clearly and healthy.
I use to work with victims of domestic violence and saw it the same way. After being in an abusive relationship, people need time to heal before jumping back in. The best way to do this is with trusted friends. So I guess when it comes to ptsd, it depends where one is at in their healing. It is not behind me so I forget that others are further ahead. While I am much better-my life is still in limbo. For myself, when I make good decisions and use good judgement regularly for a period, then maybe that will be an indicator. When I am fulfilling other social needs and feel happy most of the time, that will be another. I think this is very individual to each of us.
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- Post starter
- #8
K
keifer
Thanks for the feed back. I think I'll meet her if I get the chance. My idea is to go out once a week, nothing serious. I know it's risky, and I will need to work hard on dealing with my pain vice substitute with anything.
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Hello. I just came here because I wanted to start a thread about this. I am not really crazy about the title/subject of this one because it doesn't really get the point across. Mine would of been called "How to meet people/someone" or something like that.
I did online dating and basically it totally blew. I think it is an option that can work but for the most part it totally sucks. For one thing I don't have enough in common with these strangers and people seem more predatory in online dating. Not to knock it because I realize it can work, so please don't take this to be a generalized insult. For the most part it sux any romance out of it and gives the relationship an ordinary edge and that is not what I want.
I'm sick of sleeping alone at night. It feels so sad and lonely. I really want to meet someone and I would love to hear other people's input about relationship advice and how to meet people and what to look for in a partner.
I did online dating and basically it totally blew. I think it is an option that can work but for the most part it totally sucks. For one thing I don't have enough in common with these strangers and people seem more predatory in online dating. Not to knock it because I realize it can work, so please don't take this to be a generalized insult. For the most part it sux any romance out of it and gives the relationship an ordinary edge and that is not what I want.
I'm sick of sleeping alone at night. It feels so sad and lonely. I really want to meet someone and I would love to hear other people's input about relationship advice and how to meet people and what to look for in a partner.
Truthful_Whispers
Not Active
Call me crazy, but I would rather masturbate with a cheese grater than go through the online dating experience again. Maybe, a friend or family member can introduce you to someone out in the real world, who has a prior understanding of your issues.
I'm just getting used to living alone, if we ever do get used to that, that is. I've never lived alone before, and I certainly don't recommend it, but the thought of dating scares the crap out of me!
My confidence has been totally shattered, not in women as such, but more in people in general, after what my late wife's family put me through.
I honestly don't think I will ever be in another relationship again, I've been married twice in my life, and had a couple of indiscretions that I won't mention, but who would want a broken down head case like me?
My confidence has been totally shattered, not in women as such, but more in people in general, after what my late wife's family put me through.
I honestly don't think I will ever be in another relationship again, I've been married twice in my life, and had a couple of indiscretions that I won't mention, but who would want a broken down head case like me?
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