Dead Air

[Overcoming]

I recognize that a certain amount of dead air during a session is normal and even therapeutic at times, but often there are times of long silence in my sessions that make me feel like I'm waiting for my therapist to take charge and move the conversation. Sometimes I ask T what they're thinking, because I get tired of just sitting there killing time. Can anyone relate? :confused:

 

[Deleted member 541]

I think your T is there to guide you, make comments on what you say, but they aren't there to fill in the dead air. They are probably just waiting for you to continue....

 

[Enaila]

The dreaded, "pregnant pause", used by T everywhere...lol and teacher's too. Gives the client or student time to think about what was last said and then gives some gentle pressure to encourage communication or continuation on topic without putting thoughts into the student's mind. My take on it anyway. I know when my T gives the long pause she is expecting me to add to or continue what we are discussing or sometimes trying to see if I am going to chose avoidance (change topic) or continue. Being a teacher I know what she is up to and it is just easier to continue conversation instead of battle of minds. She is there to help me and I need to be open to the help even if I am uncomfortable. I'm one of those stubborn type who sometimes needs waited out until I take the step forward. She throws in the facial looks too...lol...which I usually avoid...which lets her know I'm avoiding....dang...sucks to know what is being used for the discussion sometimes. I'm glad she is just as stubborn as I am and knows me so well.

 

[Overcoming]

I think your T is there to guide you, make comments on what you say, but they aren't there to fill in the dead air. They are probably just waiting for you to continue....

You're right. I see what you're saying. I think sometimes I'd feel better if they asked some clarifying questions though. This is my first T experience btw. I've been with them for 4mos now.

 

[ladee]

For me it was a challenge. She wanted to see how I handled the silence.
She was also teaching me to just BE there.
She would not allow me to use humor which is what I do in some situations when I'm anxious.
I did start asking questions about her. I learned about her as a person. That was one of my best memories of her.
And then..You can always ask why? Its your time in there..just ask her.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@ladee Yeah, the humor, its a great avoidance tool. Hahahha. Sorry, back on topic.

 

[Missycat]

I think @ladee and @Enaila explain it well. Gosh its like theyve been sat in observing my T sessions lol !!
You could speak to your T about them asking you questions to help you open up.

 

[One step at a time]

My T and I have sat in silence for over ten minutes, sometimes.
Sometimes, I don't yet know how to answer a question we posed, or where the next important question will be. My T really believes in me setting the agenda, by talking about something - anything - that is bothering me, and then seeing where it goes. This definitely would not work for everyone, but it works really well for me and for her.
Sometimes I have just been too dissociated to do or say anything. Eventually, I spoke up and asked my T to help me come back if she thinks this is what is going on.

Would it help you to keep a piece of paper during the week with a running list of things you felt, or things you noticed, that you could bring to session to help you explore/learn what is important/helpful for you to talk about?
Would it help to ask your T to make things more structured for you?

 

[Overcoming]

My T and I have sat in silence for over ten minutes, sometimes.
Sometimes, I don't yet know...

You pose some good suggestions. I'm structure-oriented and that can be a hang up for me, and sometimes I do need help grounding. I'm really working on communicating my needs. It has been a long-time struggle for me to learn to speak up for myself. I do keep a list for sessions too. Maybe I'll work on expounding on my thoughts more. Perhaps add in a few feeling words. :speechless: (I have trouble identifying feelings and it can complicate things.)

 

[One step at a time]

yep, feelings are really fricking hard. here is something that I've used to help me find words: Recovering Me

 

[Overcoming]

@One step at a time thanks!

 

[Leighlee87]

omg, my therapist just informed me that she isn't going to save me anymore, and that we can sit in silence for the entire session if I so choose. I tested it out for a little bit only to find out she really wasn't joking. I'm so upset and dreading next session. I think therapists have a variety of reasons for doing this. Just trust them on it, there is reasoning for what they do despite how awkward it may be.