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Sufferer Dealing with a traumatic accident scene

diagnosed anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Active duty military, with a current situation prohibiting me from seeking help with the military medical system.

My job involves me investigating mishaps in the military. Recently just had a member killed on the job and I was one of the first responders. Seeing that gruesome scene has traumatized me. I don’t feel myself, I don’t know how to process it, so I find myself ignoring it and trying to keep my mind off it. I’m also limited to who I can talk to about it because it is an ongoing investigation. I have never been officially diagnosed with PTSD but I have other situations throughout my career that leads me to believe I do suffer from it (I HATE fireworks).
My job involves me investigating mishaps in the military. Recently just had a member killed on the job and I was one of the first responders.
Former Marine… Check out a vet Center (free)… as NONE of their records are available to the VA, your Command, or anyone else. They’re created entirely for combat & sexual assault MINUS red tape. And? Most of their therapists are vets who went to major/master/doc in psych. So they get it. All of it. My T with them suspected I was active duty for a few months, I was so damn cagey about my ID / he went to such lengths to assure me everyone else can f*ck off.


Pay cash, to a civvie trauma therapist.

Keep it off your record, kick ass, take names. = Improvise, Adapt, Overcome.

Welcome aboard… and? Check this shit out >>>
- The ptsd cup explanation
- Traumatic resilience: avoiding ptsd

If you have background checks with lie detectors involved? Almost every girls night out, or boys picking a fight amongst friends, is seeking help for mental blah blah blah. Think on THOSE, then answer beyond the yes/no required, so the person dismisses the response. You mean throw down wih my rack mate to blow off steam, you mean gone out with the girls to get right? Yes. Deep background checks, make friends with a few psych pros. Elaborate beyond the yes/no that you’ve never been institutionalized/hospitalized/etc… but you’re friends/lovers with psych pros. The drill down will clear you.
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I am truly sorry to hear about the difficult experiences you are going through. It must be incredibly challenging to witness such traumatic events while carrying the weight of your responsibilities in the military. It's completely understandable that you may be feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to cope with these feelings.

Ignoring or suppressing these emotions can often make the situation feel more insurmountable in the long run. It's positive that you are reaching out here for support. Connecting with others who have experienced similar situations can be incredibly validating and comforting.

While seeking help within the military medical system may be challenging for you at the moment, it is crucial to prioritize your mental health and well-being. You deserve support and assistance in processing these difficult experiences.

I would highly encourage you to consider reaching out to a mental health professional outside of the military system, if possible, to discuss your symptoms and explore the possibility of PTSD or trauma-related issues. Additionally, sharing your experiences on platforms like myptsd.com with individuals who understand the complexities of PTSD and CPTSD can also be beneficial.

Remember, you are not alone in this. There are specific forums on myptsd.com where you can discuss topics like trauma from work experiences, PTSD symptoms, and coping strategies. Please take care of yourself and consider seeking help to navigate through this challenging time.
Did the military thing and the 911 thing - and these kind of events just suck. A line of duty death is one of the worst things we can go thru and your reactions are completely normal

Getting help is critical - and you are right not to seek it thru the military.
But like @Friday said, the vet centers are an excellent option. Because you want people who get it and not all civilian therapists quite understand the first responder world or the military one

If that's not an option for what ever reason then it's going to have to be private counseling, which can be spendy but it's going to be worth it in the long run. When you call in just make sure you ask for someone who specializes in trauma. Even if they don't get the FR or military thing having a background in general trauma will help. And if you explain your career is on the line a good t will make sure they keep notes in a way that can't be used against you.

It might take a bit to find a good one but don't put it off. PTSD gets worse the longer you wait to get help.
And you deserve help because what you experienced is something anyone would need help with.
I am not military or firefighter or anything like that, but I have witnessed gore, bad scenes, and aftermath/accidents/violence/suicide happen. Something that helps me a lot is a little bit of "spirituality," which feels silly at first sometimes but does actually help. For a "simple" example, I was shown a video of a murder from minutes before the victim died of her injuries -- this was extremely distressing. In my mind, I told her I was right there with her, and that I wasn't watching for fun like the psycho who showed me, but was empathetic and understanding.

There's multiple ways to do this, including after the fact. For example, if you're helping with an investigation, you're already doing what you can to help.

Another thing that helps me is understanding the death process. For us living things, it's often a full process, even when it's a sudden death. Usually, before it happens, the victim accepts their fate and becomes ready to go. Even when they're stressed.

I hope you take care of yourself and find a way to make the right friends to help 🫂