I have been working on detachment, letting go of the fear of what she might do, and that i will be okay no matter what. I also practice turning it over to God and letting him handle it. Or praying for his will and letting it go. I even made a "God Jar" one time. You write the problem and put it in the god jar (taped up cleanex box). I have no idea why this works, it seems absurd, but it works when nothing else will. Still, I was up all last night. I was coping but this continues to derail me. Any advice is welcome on coping or what I can try. I am posting here as a last resort.
I divorced my ex in CA because she had this weird spending problem that was causing fights, putting us into debt, and her bullying me for my paycheck. I found out a while ago this is actually a shopping addiction. Divorce court is bad and unfair for almost everyone, but my case with Judge D was off the top. I didn't get any custody, had to pay 55% of my salary, and only got visitation during the day, no overnights, or vacations. No evidence, just her crazy antics in court called me a child murderer with no proof. The judge ordered supervised visitation based on her ranting, and I got a glowing report, yet this still happened.
Everyone told me this was corruption. It has been 10yrs of her and her parents harassing me for more money (they enable her), alienating my son, and withholding school and medical information. I returned to court 3yrs after the trial, with a lawyer they couldn't know. 15 minutes before the hearing, Judge D substitutes in. He verbally abuses my lawyer and traumatizes her. I walk her out to her car and she is literally shaking. I can't find an advocate for corruption here or any info online. Lawyer referrals are behind sites lawyers pay to be on, with fake reviews. I google San Mateo corruption and nothing comes up. No news articles or court cases. Is this real?
.
Just recently, my company got an order for garnishment for existing child support. This is odd, since I have paid DCSS on time. It was a new court order dated 5/22/2020. yet it was identical to the existing order for 2016.
I went on Better Business Bureau and picked 2 triple A rated lawyers in San Mateo and emailed them both for a consultation.
One of the lawyers called me back and we talked on the phone for a consultation. He said he could get me custody, yet I told him I wanted him to deal with the garnishment. He began asking me questions like my salary (I thought he wanted to calculate support in his head). He asked me my ex-wife's father's name. I told him. He started sounding combative. He asked some questions and I thought he wanted to know my ex-father-in-law's character. I said while I was married to my ex, he was sued 3 times by tenants and lost, and he only has 2 rental properties, and in that time my ex filed 2 lawsuits.
The lawyer tells me this is normal. This is not normal. I tell him I had some trouble with Judge D. and I didn't think the ruling was fair. He says Judge D. is his friend and becomes more combative. Not what you would expect from a lawyer, you get- the judge is my friend, and he listens to me, I can advocate, this is typical marketing. What he meant was Judge D is his friend and you better not say anything bad about him.
He says Judge D is a criminal judge now. I checked and Judge D is still listed on the court website. I ask if it is different D. He says no it is family court San Mateo. I ended the call. I am trying to remember what I told him. He has a firm and a website and an online history. I began wondering if he was going to give this information I told him to someone. It feels like the same corruption I encountered in court. I don't know this lawyer, I never met him. Why is he collecting information and advocating for the judge? I tried not to think about it. There isn't anything I can do action wise.
Later, I called DCSS again. I asked them if they could stop garnishment because maybe my ex sending it directly to my employer and skirting DCSS was illegal. (I called yesterday and they said there were no court orders in the computer and they hadn't sent it. So I thought ex sent it). The women wasn't making sense. She then admitted she sent it!
I said yesterday you said there were no court orders in the computer. She tells me there are 2, one from 2009, and one from 2016. I said the one you sent is from 2020, is that in the computer? She is silent, she won't say. She tells me she had to send it because it is a federal law. I said I have been paying perfectly on time for 4yrs. When my company got a new payroll provider a year ago, and it triggered it, I called and you canceled it. Why are you saying it is the law now? If the court order is dated May, why did you send it at the end of August? Why won't you even admit you have it in your computer? She won't tell me. I tell her I am not a deadbeat Dad, my ex is using you to harass me. You see my payment history in your system. She says nothing. I said this impacts me. It shows my employer I am unreliable because I allowed a debt to go to court and didn't resolve it. That it hurts my credit report. She says it does not do those things. I tell her I was there, sitting in my company, you were not. I ended the call.
It seems like it is happening all over again. I tried not to worry about the information I gave getting to my ex-father-in-law, but it was hard.
I divorced my ex in CA because she had this weird spending problem that was causing fights, putting us into debt, and her bullying me for my paycheck. I found out a while ago this is actually a shopping addiction. Divorce court is bad and unfair for almost everyone, but my case with Judge D was off the top. I didn't get any custody, had to pay 55% of my salary, and only got visitation during the day, no overnights, or vacations. No evidence, just her crazy antics in court called me a child murderer with no proof. The judge ordered supervised visitation based on her ranting, and I got a glowing report, yet this still happened.
Everyone told me this was corruption. It has been 10yrs of her and her parents harassing me for more money (they enable her), alienating my son, and withholding school and medical information. I returned to court 3yrs after the trial, with a lawyer they couldn't know. 15 minutes before the hearing, Judge D substitutes in. He verbally abuses my lawyer and traumatizes her. I walk her out to her car and she is literally shaking. I can't find an advocate for corruption here or any info online. Lawyer referrals are behind sites lawyers pay to be on, with fake reviews. I google San Mateo corruption and nothing comes up. No news articles or court cases. Is this real?
.
Just recently, my company got an order for garnishment for existing child support. This is odd, since I have paid DCSS on time. It was a new court order dated 5/22/2020. yet it was identical to the existing order for 2016.
I went on Better Business Bureau and picked 2 triple A rated lawyers in San Mateo and emailed them both for a consultation.
One of the lawyers called me back and we talked on the phone for a consultation. He said he could get me custody, yet I told him I wanted him to deal with the garnishment. He began asking me questions like my salary (I thought he wanted to calculate support in his head). He asked me my ex-wife's father's name. I told him. He started sounding combative. He asked some questions and I thought he wanted to know my ex-father-in-law's character. I said while I was married to my ex, he was sued 3 times by tenants and lost, and he only has 2 rental properties, and in that time my ex filed 2 lawsuits.
The lawyer tells me this is normal. This is not normal. I tell him I had some trouble with Judge D. and I didn't think the ruling was fair. He says Judge D. is his friend and becomes more combative. Not what you would expect from a lawyer, you get- the judge is my friend, and he listens to me, I can advocate, this is typical marketing. What he meant was Judge D is his friend and you better not say anything bad about him.
He says Judge D is a criminal judge now. I checked and Judge D is still listed on the court website. I ask if it is different D. He says no it is family court San Mateo. I ended the call. I am trying to remember what I told him. He has a firm and a website and an online history. I began wondering if he was going to give this information I told him to someone. It feels like the same corruption I encountered in court. I don't know this lawyer, I never met him. Why is he collecting information and advocating for the judge? I tried not to think about it. There isn't anything I can do action wise.
Later, I called DCSS again. I asked them if they could stop garnishment because maybe my ex sending it directly to my employer and skirting DCSS was illegal. (I called yesterday and they said there were no court orders in the computer and they hadn't sent it. So I thought ex sent it). The women wasn't making sense. She then admitted she sent it!
I said yesterday you said there were no court orders in the computer. She tells me there are 2, one from 2009, and one from 2016. I said the one you sent is from 2020, is that in the computer? She is silent, she won't say. She tells me she had to send it because it is a federal law. I said I have been paying perfectly on time for 4yrs. When my company got a new payroll provider a year ago, and it triggered it, I called and you canceled it. Why are you saying it is the law now? If the court order is dated May, why did you send it at the end of August? Why won't you even admit you have it in your computer? She won't tell me. I tell her I am not a deadbeat Dad, my ex is using you to harass me. You see my payment history in your system. She says nothing. I said this impacts me. It shows my employer I am unreliable because I allowed a debt to go to court and didn't resolve it. That it hurts my credit report. She says it does not do those things. I tell her I was there, sitting in my company, you were not. I ended the call.
It seems like it is happening all over again. I tried not to worry about the information I gave getting to my ex-father-in-law, but it was hard.
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