Dealing with Toxic Father

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

This is difficult for me to talk about:

Long ago, when I was barely an adult my biological father wormed his way back into my life. Like an idiot, I allowed this. I was being manipulated by him and my biological mother (they had divorced when I was little.) I believe my idiot mother wanted him back. They had had a very toxic marriage.

More details: bio mother FREAKED out when bio father got married for the third time. This was a few years after the events that my question is about.

Around the time I let the Worm back into my life he bragged to me about his sexual escapades (it was a bit before he married victim/wife number three. I can’t recall if they were dating at the time.)

He really bragged to me about his essentially, harem of sleazy women he was banging. This is baffling in retrospect as the Worm is short, unattractive, sleazy, creepy, a user, not exactly a lot of accomplishments, at least two divorces by that point. But, who am I to judge?

My skin crawled when he was telling me all of this disgusting shit btw.

I AM his biological daughter and he knows this. Around this time he wanted me to move into his (tiny ass) condo into the kind of windowless basement. I was an adult. I refused.

Do you think he was grooming me?! Is he just a narcissist with no morals? Ps: he’s on marriage number four last I checked.

Also, I’m no contact with either of my biological parents so this is kind of moot as I will never speak with either of them, ever again.

 

[Jade-]

That's not what I consider grooming. He just sounds like a jerk tbh.

 

[arfie]

allowing myself to grieve is my own approach to managing the DNA bond i share with my dysfunctional parents. i started with grieving all the ideals that should have been but never were and never will be. by the time my parents died in 2005 and 2017, grieving the loss of their physical bodies didn't feel like anything new. as with the DNA bond, grief is a mysterious process. i'm not sure it ever really finishes, but with gentle, deliberate processing, it is manageable.

 

[Movingforward10]

Second that it doesn't sound like grooming and him 'just' being boundary-less.

It made you feel uncomfortable enough to ask though, and it's how you feel about it that is key, rather than if it is or isn't grooming?

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

allowing myself to grieve is my own approach to managing the DNA bond i share with my dysfunctional parents. i started with grieving all the ideals that should have been but never were and never will be. by the time my parents died in 2005 and 2017, grieving the loss of their physical bodies didn't feel like anything new. as with the DNA bond, grief is a mysterious process. i'm not sure it ever really finishes, but with gentle, deliberate processing, it is manageable.

I long ago accepted that worm is a POS and we’re related only in the biological sense. It doesn’t bother me much anymore. But, some of the stuff he did and said before I cut him off still gives me the creeps!

 

[arfie]

some of the stuff he did and said before I cut him off still gives me the creeps!

repeat on radical acceptance and gentle (emphasis on gentle) processing of those creep factors is part of my own recovery. may i NEVER feel warm and fuzzy at the fact that children are STILL being bought and sold the way and in ways even meaner than i was bought and sold in the 60's. it remains creepy plus, but no longer has the power to control the way i live this day and/or treat the world around me.