Relationship Deceitful In Setting Up Escape - Advice Wanted On What To Do Please

[Nicolette]

Without trust and honesty you don't have a good relationship. The only 'secrets' I approve of are nice surprises but this has bad written all over it IMHO. I would NEVER have any reason why I could not tell Anthony anything about where I had been and whom I had been with. The only exception would be a white lie for a good surprise like getting him a gift or arranging a birthday party etc.

That all being said, I went back and re-read your introduction and you say that your husband "walked out on you". I guess he then does not owe you an explanation if you were separated however the being 'fond' of this female gives me a bad gut instinct. Some men using "splitting up" as an excuse to check out the greener grass and then come back when they realise the grass is not as green as they thought....all under the guise of it being ok as you were separated. Rubbish in my book of rules!

IMO it shouldn't take someone to leave for 3 months to realise they love you.

 

[Clydiechick]

Hi

I agree with CC, I don't think that you will be able to live with the 'void' when he was away. You will always wonder, why, what and how?" I think it is only fair to talk about things, if things are to be worked out. Would he be satisfied if you had done the same thing? I don't think so.

Counselling would be a start. Speaking from a pretty fresh experience, it takes a long time for the raw wound of the deepest hurt to start healing. I think boundaries need to be set, but they need to be fair and two sided. Honesty being the key. And finding out 'why' he did this in the first place would be the next, so that he learns why he did it and if he will be prone to do it again. Which is something you can't go through again.

Best of luck, take care, when you think life is as hard as it can get, it just keeps getting harder and throwing challenges at you that you don't think you can bare. But you will surprise yourself!

Clydie

 

[Pam]

I would suggest you determine from which direction this guy is coming from and walk, no run, scrap that, fly, or even laserbeam yourself in the opposite direction. When you get far enough away, study every language you can get your hands on and practice how to say "no" in each and every one of them. Russian: nyet. Spanish: no (one of my favorites). Borg: haven't a clue. Clingon: I think they grunt. English: nada, nope, uh uh, areyoufrikenkiddingme???