Depersonalization - Help?

[Justmehere]

I believe you when you say you are not doing it for attention. Frankly, if you are doing it for attention, then that is a pretty desperate cry for help. It doesn't change the fact that you do need and deserve help and support.

Has your mother been involved in past abuse that contributed to your current symptoms now? If your Mom finally admitted you have a real struggle with with dissociation, depersonalization, and self injury, she would have to admit you have been through some difficult things that she failed at stopping from happening to you.

Mom's are supposed to protect their kids from harm. Not ignore it. It makes sense you don't feel real when your own mother is ignoring legit needs you have for medical attention.

Can you talk to a teacher or a school counselor about how you are struggling?

 

[shimmerz]

Your mother is an idiot. I'm sure you already know that. She sounds like mine, she's an idiot too.

This ^^^^^

I remember this as a kid. I deserved better and you deserve better. Where was your mother when you were banging your head? How about a friend's mother is yours isn't listening.

This makes me so angry.

 

[shimmerz]

Thinking of you @_demolition.lovers_

I hope you are alright.

 

[_demolition.lovers_]

Oh! Okay, that changes things.

Are you saying she thinks you self harm for attention? That concern...

She thinks that some of my symptoms are "made up", like my dissociation. I think she just doesn't quite understand how PTSD has many other symptoms other than being depressed and anxious.

I do have a therapist, but I just started seeing him again after a break (I thought I would suddenly be better after the summer... didn't work, haha) and am still a little uncomfortable sharing too much information.

Ran into this... as I was looking into depersonalization for myself... think I want to get a copy....

I'll look into this... thank u very much for the suggestion!

 

[_demolition.lovers_]

@Justmehere I'm doing much better, thanks. I've dissociated a few more times but nothing that was unmanageable.
My mom was actually involved in past abuse, but she wasn't fully aware of what was happening at the time (I was raped for three years by her partner, and he also manipulated her a lot). I think she feels really guilty, but she is tired of taking care of me.
Part of the reason I actually dissociated that day was because I had an awful day at school, and came home to an empty house. My mom and little brother didn't come home until 1 am, and then my mom left again. I was incredibly stressed out.

 

[_demolition.lovers_]

@shimmerz thank you for your support. If you look at the comment I tagged justmehere in, she was actually gone for awhile. I am pretty upset that she was gone for so long when I needed her, but I also fault myself for not reaching out to her :/

 

[Justmehere]

I'm glad things are getting better. Keep reaching out for help and support from any safer adults in your life. The more you can connect to any supports or relationships that are healthy, the better off you will be for the long haul.

If your mom was also manipulated too and/or didn't protect you from the abuse back then, it isn't surprising that she isn't doing much now either. It's absolutely not your fault. It's about her and whatever is going on for her, and not a revelation of you or your responsibility or blame at all.

@Justmehere I think she feels really guilty, but she is tired of taking care of me.

Whatever is going on for her, do everything you can to not take it as something that is because you are bad or unworthy or anything like that. Your mother has some clear issues and problems of her own, and this is not your fault or a sign of who you are.

You are a strong and smart young teenager. I can tell that by your posts. Once you finally get the support and help you need, now or when you finally move out when you are quit, you have a bright future in front of you.

Part of the reason I actually dissociated that day was because I had an awful day at school, and came home to an empty house. My mom and little brother didn't come home until 1 am, and then my mom left again. I was incredibly stressed out.

Makes sense why you were stressed out! You are not a little kid anymore but you are also not quite an air yet. You need your mom. You need your family, there, steady and predictable, in order to recover from trauma and even if there had not been pay trauma. Your mom is abandoning and neglecting what you need, and that's really tough stuff.

@shimmerzI am pretty upset that she was gone for so long when I needed her, but I also fault myself for not reaching out to her :/

It's not your fault that you endured what you did and that your mother has not done more about your requests for help now.

Keep up the good work to try and stay present and get help. The more you dissociate the harder it will be to break the habit. If there are extra curricular activities you can get involved with, this might help reduce some of the times you are home alone without support to count on. I'm super glad you have a therapist. Keep talking with him and sharing as much as you can. It will get easier and easier to say more as time goes on. The more you tell him, the better he can help you feel better.

You are taking good steps to recover from the horrible things you have been through and the huge stressors you still have to deal with. Hang in there. :hug:

 

[_demolition.lovers_]

@Justmehere thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words and help :))