Depression Has Set In

[Ghostybear73]

It has been a bit since I started a post, but I think I am starting to move out of the anger stage and into depression (stages of grief). I have been working really hard in therapy on my anger, as well as taking anger management classes and a lot of research. With the anger subsiding, other (more painful) emotions are setting. I know this is a sign of healing.

Here is the thing. I liked anger a lot better. The only downfall was that my anger was starting to leak into my work and I really can't lose my job. I have options, like disability, but I raised two children while going to school full time and working full time to get where I am today. I refuse to throw it all away and go on disability or unemployment.

So, I have to learn how to let these other emotions in without thinking of suicide. My son just left for his second deployment and my daughter is taking it much harder than the first, I imagine because she is older. I have to be there for her.

Once he got on a plane, he text her (yes she has a phone for this reason), "I love you more than life itself Chelsea Jones. I hope you had a wonderful birthday princess". He was deployed on her birthday. She is restricted to only call me, her brother and her stepdad, but I still check her phone every night and I found that.

That one statement tore into my heart and I had to hold strong while my daughter cried and cried in my arms. It almost broke me, but I managed to get through it for her and now I'm back to being shut down.

Truthfully, these emotions are worse than the anger. So here I sit in my room, which is where I have been for days because I just don't feel like getting out of bed. Of course, my daughter is in here with me watching tv on the tablet, so I am not completely isolated.

It just seems too much anymore.

 

[NotEnough4Him]

Depression is something that I am very familiar with, he's been my right hand man for over 15 years. So I am familiar with how you are feeling right now and if you are new to these feelings it can be terrifying and over whelming. But hang in there, you seem to be on the right track and you have people who you love and love you in return.

When I get very depressed I try to take it one day at a time, keep myself busy and remind myself that I am important to someone and that person would suffer if anything happened to me.

It will get better, if you want it to. Keep the hope and don't let big D win. Take care

 

[franciemarnie]

I'll take anger over depression any day. In fact for me, depression was mostly anger turned inwards.

When I would get very depressed, I would ask myself what I was angry about and if I could pull it up - I had energy and drive again. I always worked out to get rid of the intense anger because the original perps weren't around anymore and I didn't want to take it out on the innocent.

I hope you are not stuck in depression very long.

 

[Barconian]

I'll take anger over depression any day.

I don't know. Anger doesn't do me any favours and with depression... I hate feeling down, but at least I can dwell in self pity and feel sorry for myself.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I still check her phone every night and I found that.

If her boyfriend is deployed, how old is your daughter? I am confused why you check her phone every night.

I am sorry you are feeling stressed and down. Sometimes life can be a huge chore. It can be hard to handle. I am sorry it's getting to much for you. I hope you can find some peace.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Well I can see how that could have gotten confused. She is his sister....my daughter. My son is 21 and a half, my daughter just turned 8. That is why her phone is blocked to only call/text me, eric (whom she calls dad) and her brother. Of course now that he is deployed, his phone doesn't work. She can also download free games and music. That is also why I check her phone every night. I'm a little bit of a control freak. ;)

I suppose my son being back in Kandahar (afghanistan), with his bomb sniffing dog would make me a bit depressed, but I liked "angry" better. I was used to angry and could handle it. I don't seem to have any control with these other emotions.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Oh sorry I totally misunderstood the relationship.

I understand being used to angry and being more familiar with it then other emtions. It is easier to feel and you always know when you are angry.

 

[Britt.f7]

Anger is hard for me. Depression is something that happens to me regardless if I am experiencing bad stress or good stress. I'm more familiar with that.

I'm sorry that you are experiencing any of this. I hope your son is safe. What a brave man, and kind, he is. He has to be kind in that he responds to his sister so nicely. You have done a great job raising them. My son just turned 18, I hate the idea of letting him go, but I know it is all part of life. Doesn't mean I have to like it. ;)