Depression, Safe Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts

[joeylittle]

I get it, @Blackjack.

You just had some medical work done, yeah? I recall that can be triggering for you.

 

[Blackjack]

@joeylittle, yes I have fractured my ankle and foot which I had to have reset. In a long leg cast in a raised leg sling until Friday to stabilise it. I get claustrophobic about the cast, get bouts of panic. The hospital have given me meds to help.

 

[Recovery4Me]

It was something nobody should have to see or go through.

Sometimes, just considering eliminating the word 'should' (which is a cognitive distortion) removes the hollywood entitlement from our universe. Been there...saw things...sucks. It was one screwed up roll of the dice for you. I hear that.

Judge less: love more. Prayers on your recovery.

 

[shimmerz]

People think it shouldn't matter any more but it's ripping me into a thousand bits.

People can be so ignorant. I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how it would have been like to have experienced that. And being a captive audience to yourself with a foot cast? Please keep reaching out. We've got ya! :hug:

 

[joeylittle]

I get claustrophobic about the cast, get bouts of panic.

That's really natural. Try and remember that you've got extra stress right now, and that can magnify all the dark thoughts. Keep posting, keep reaching out.

 

[Pixielicious]

Oh my.... How awful @Blackjack I don't know
what to say because my PTSD isn't military related .....Cept, I understand the self blame and self hate part......and the gut wrenching Loneliness flashbacks create....I Hope you recover from your injuries soon x

 

[Blackjack]

@Pixielicious i am not a military person either. The aircraft was owned by my flying club and I happened to be working that day. I had to deal with the whole accident aftermath. It was awful.

Thank you for your kind words

 

[Pixielicious]

@Pixielicious i am not a military person either. The aircraft was owned by my flyi...

My bad.....I can only imagine what you've been through....I Was in a pretty bad way yesterday, myself.....in fact I'm just 'recovering' from it.... The support here is just amazing...This too will pass right? ...I keep saying that to myself, trying to shake off the black evil cloud that engulfs my mind... One moment, one hour, one day at a time.....

 

[sun seeker]

I so want to help people, to support them, care for them but they won't let me.

I'd let you help me. Only I can't think of anything I need help with at the moment.

Sorry you are feeling so horrible. :(

 

[aut555]

Gosh l feel bad l can't reach out and give you a giant hug. So here is a giant virtual hug. Those images are tough to deal with. And making you identify them is so wrong. Maybe there is survival guilt here, why me ,which makes us feel small. You are not alone in this, can you talk to psy about uping meds a bit during anniversary time, because it still is raw. Then throw on medical issues you are bravely dealing with, and you need some compassion from the universe now!! Stay centered on healing, once you get out of the hospital, things should feel better. Wait, call that cute male nurse. Ok , thinking about you, sending healing energy to you. Don't stop, you have come so far. Sometimes we slow down, but then we get back up and move forward.

 

[ahershey]

Consider yourself hugged from me!

 

[ahershey]

Ok. Breathe. Focus on breathing. Is there anything you do that can take yourself away from the horror? Binge watch t.v.? For me, when I am especially vulnerable, I baby myself. I nap. I eat a lot of ice cream. I cry for days and expect nothing more from myself than going to the bathroom. Because your brain is tired and hurt and needs a break from the horror. This is a time, I think, for you to find a way to occupy your mind fully, so that you do not remember. Many times one must face the trauma in order to recover and accept it. Those times when one is freaking out is not a time to be strong and do it all yourself, it is a time to rest your mind and soul and do comforting things for yourself. Hibernation is totally ok when the mind is breaking.
You will get through this period of crazy despair. You will. You will get through the next episode, too.
I am sorry for your pain. I am sorry for the horror you have witnessed and the loss of control and sanity that resulted from it. Consider yourself hugged.