Depression

[Deleted member 37066]

Today is one of those horrible ass days where I am utterly depressed.
Most days I get a few thoughts through out the day of just blowing my brains out but I know it's not something I would ever act on. But damn it sure seems like a quick fix at times.
I don't for my family and the chance that some how I can overcome this horrible shit.

I haven't worked in 2-3 years and every time I start to file an application I am hit with suicidal thoughts at even attempting to present some sort of facade and sell myself to somebody in order to gain employment. Like I will have to pretend to be who I am not. Happy, Cheerful, Motivated and Confident lol. Then comes the unemployment gap and I have no explanation for it other than "Trying to get my mind right."

So another day down the drain, some might think that not having to work and being jobless might look like the life. But I'll tell you its boring as shit and hell when your own mind is your own worse enemy.

 

[ladee]

Welcome! You won't be bored if you check in here often during the day!
Very happy you found us
And I understand that kind of depression, as many here Will also.
Glad you are here.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm with you on the fear of trying to present as job-ready. The thought scares the crap out of me, actually.

Are you in treatment? Have you seen any progress?

 

[Deleted member 37066]

No, I'm not currently in treatment. I haven't found any treatment or possible cures just medications that I refuse to be on. So it is what it is.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@ade Welcome.... is there a possibility that you could become self employed??? Also if you're talented you could do crafts and sell them online???? I'm self employed. i clean houses for people. Most people aren't home and the ones that are are elderly and they don't bother me. Just some thoughts.....

 

[Deleted member 37066]

@She Cat -
Thanks, yes I definitely plan on becoming self employed I just have to find my niche. I'm messing with tattooing right now an some other things problem is with all this time I've wasted I could of been building myself up an getting back into shape but I've been dwelling on shit an beating myself up. Finally now I am starting to work on building myself back up after all these years... Brutal.

 

[EveHarrington]

Cures don't exist so stop looking for them. The treatments that can possibly cause full remission are the pretty standard PTSD therapies, so look for those.

I really don't understand those who throw away what could be a great help in healing-----right off the bat. Could it be because you actually fear change? You actually fear getting better?

 

[Deadman]

So it is what it is.

So are you saying you've just given up?

 

[Deleted member 37066]

I've given up a long time ago. It is what it is. Accept and move on.

 

[Deadman]

So why are you here if you've given up?

 

[EveHarrington]

You can't just decide to move on from PTSD. It doesn't work that way.

 

[Deleted member 37066]

So why are you here if you've given up?

Move along man. I'm not interested in talking to you.