Depths Of Human Hate, Jealousy And The Need For Competition...

[J_trustno1]

This is the topic that has been bothering my for years but I never started realising things until last week and in fact today that I decided to create a thread.

There are many reasons people hate one another or jealous each other or even feel the urge to out-do the other person just to prove that they are better than them. Some people spread rumors about other people just to feel better about themselves while others step on other people to climb up the ladder... and here I am thinking and asking questions like "Why???"

I don't think there is anything wrong with healthy competition but that competition doesn't have to be there to just feel that you are better than someone else.

Anyway let's not get off topic. Here is the real deal:

1. I've been observing some people's behavior at work where they think that they are always right and are very controlling. Then there is this woman who hates everyone at work and everything has to be done her way or else it is "piece of shit". Then there is the one other woman who has been telling me to quit my job because she thinks that is not the right place for me. I mean I didn't ask for her advice but I got given advises and she herself thinks that it's not a very great job. Then why on earth is she with that company?

2. I went to this bank today and the teller I was talking to was back-bitching about the assistant manager and actually calling him "dumb"!!! I mean excuse me!! You are telling your client that your assistant manager is "dumb" and what impact will it have on your bank reputation let alone your own reputation? You are complaining to a stranger about someone you probably know better than this stranger. Btw this assistant manager does seem a bit up-tight, but that does not make him dumb or anything. I did give it a thought whether I need to believe in this or not but then I can't be that stupid believing in her words about someone I don't even know about. She said that he got promoted because he was "the manager's favourite". There could be couple of reasons behind it: a) she is jealous of his progress or b) He is quite attractive and she couldn't get him so she's probably taking her revenge this way or c) some other reason or d) she maybe right (I doubt) and I could be assuming things.

3. This is the big one: yes, it's about my family again. I am now coming to realise that all that self-hate that is filled in me was because of my relatives own insecurities and jealously towards me for being a high achiever. So in order to feel good about themselves they had to lower my self-esteem and self-worth so that they can feel better about themselves.


If you have further views on this please feel free to share them. Lastly, please move this thread if you think it's under wrong section. Thank you.

 

[shimmerz]

People have egos. The larger the ego, the more it has to be fed. It gets fed by putting everyone they come into contact with down, so that they can elevate themselves.

So many people are so busy distracting themselves with problems they see in others rather than dealing with their own issues. It gives them something to do AND feeds their ego at the same time. *heavy sigh*.

 

[J_trustno1]

Thanks @shimmerz for replying on this thread. I seriously don't understand people's intentions. At work, I don't understand these two ladies and then at the bank this employee. I mean how could she backstab someone she works with to a customer? At first I did think that guy could be dumb but then again who am I to judge him based on someone else's opinion on him? It took me a while to process this information and I think I don't have enough evidence to opinionate his intellect. If I did then I'll be the stupid person believing in someone else's opinion. I just can't forgive myself for even believing in her opinion for some time.

 

[shimmerz]

I just can't forgive myself for

Careful of this J. This just makes it easier for 'those types' to carry on feeding off of others. :hug::hug::hug:

 

[Spiderallis]

In a way I see your three examples as inter-related. It's a recurrent theme of pushing someone else down for a sense of 'better-than', and it's false, harmful or just not okay. I'm sure quite a few of us have been stepped on to boost someone's ego. Sad, isn't it?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

So many people are so busy distracting themselves with problems they see in others rather than dealing with their own issues. It gives them something to do AND feeds their ego at the same time. *heavy sigh*.

I read this the other way, that the OP is busy distracting herself with the problems she sees in others. I do think that it goes both ways. Why not just try to brush it off and pay no heed to these people? You're letting them take up valuable real estate in your head.

 

[J_trustno1]

Thanks @shimmerz :hug:s

 

[Go Hungry]

I don't actually see this all the time, largely because my dept is very respectful of each other. I didn't even realize how much we value teamwork until the new licensing lady, Amy, described how her old dept used to be. It sounds like an absolute hell-hole of backbiting and gossip. Our boss has been very careful about who he hires, because one bad apple can truly spoil the bunch, at least as far as a workplace goes.

We had a secretary, Ruth, who was... well she was horrible. She shunted all her work off on other people (mostly me) and would get downright furious if we didn't accept it. She told lies about us to people in other depts, spread gossip throughout the building, and perhaps lamest of all, went on to other folks about how lazy we all were. This was a secretary who flatly refused to answer the phone, threw out paperwork if she didn't want to do it, took naps at her desk... All in all, the worst person I ever worked with. Everybody knew that she was this awful, and everybody had to play nice with her because of... well.. she had a leverage that nobody wanted to be on the receiving end of.

We didn't talk about it. I certainly never did.. because glass houses, right? I was a rather awful employee in some ways too. Hello, avoidance! :woot:Plus it's just unseemly, and not my thing. It wasn't any of our things.

Truth is, I can't really say for certain why people act like this, other than they are angry and it just blows out into the world. Some people are subconsciously doing it, others are defensively doing it, and still others are maliciously doing it. In my experience, the people who engage in this behaviour would be downright apoplectic if you ever accused them of it. It's like when you call out a liar for being a liar. They lose their shit entirely.

I'd say the only real defense is to have and display such integrity that people don't believe the crap they spew about you. And don't be susceptible to those who talk bad about other people to you. Don't associate with them, really. Cause one thing you can guarantee... The person who talks shit about other people to you, turns right around and talks shit about you to them. :mad:

 

[illusionist]

I tried for years to fit in with other people but eventually realised that I didn't really need to....I spent a good part of my social/ work time being the peacekeeper for other people's relationships...pointing out the possible scenarios of the victim to the gossips and bullies. ..sticking up for people, and calling a halt to the gossips when I was around. I used to get so frustrated, and at the end of the day I only gave myself a headache.....so not worth it.

I now lead a pretty reclusive life, and work on my own. The people I do have in my life don't care what others are doing, like myself, they respect that we all lead our lives in our own way so I've finally found peace. I would absolutely hate to go back into that kind of environment..it was just added stress to me.

Obviously there will always be situations which I can't stay away from but I have cut out the majority of them....and I'm a happier, less stressed person for it. Saying that though, I had to reach a certain realisation about myself......there are few human beings I really do get on with on a continual basis so it's not them, it's me...so I either accepted or made the changes I needed to make.