Jaret I am so sorry for how you have been let down by this friend, so try to focus on those who do support you. I dont want to be redundant in repeating much of what Phillipa said-and which is so true. Physical stress plays havoc on the body. I think as humans, we make some sort of judgement on illnesses that is really not quite accurate. If someone has an illness that is considered psychosomatic, many think they bring it on themselves. Yet being angry increases the chance of heart disease, so the person could prevent that as well if they dealt with their anger. Wish it was all that easy. It is not.
After years of being debilitated myself, a friend and therapist said to me-"I understand how you got cfids, fm, ibs, I just wonder what keeps you ill". Really made me think....A lot....
I am very insightful and honest with myself, and I have the ability to consider possibilities without being defensive, as it sounds that you are. When I let my mind just free float or brain storm about any motives I had for staying down, the following is the only thing I could come up with.
With 4 older sisters and an incapable mother and other family members, their requests and demands were endless. While that might have wore me out, deep inside myself, it might also be a good reason to stay down and not fully recover, because if I did, the expectations and perfections could never be met. Illness was a barrier or protection from several people. It was not just that I was told to babysit this kid or pick that one up sick from school, or take another for a pregnancy test or speak with so and so's dr or call about or fix or move someone, but to do it as another demanded precisely and if not, there was a conflict. Staying sick was a passive way of not being able, and, it was very real. It was never a positive experience.
So when I was called and reported to these family members, there was not much positive or fun things going on in my life. They did accept this pretty well. I sure was not seeking sympathy. It just became part of me.
It took bravery to get well but I did. I had a period of many 8-10 good years. During that time I exercised, I ate well, I had fun in my life, vacationed, went to concerts, etc took classes, got my BA, got my MA, etc. Little by little, those sick family members resented me. The patterns of telling me what to do and consuming my days never returned in spite of attempts. However, my husband and kids did, as if I had a mark on my forhead. My sisters are all crisis junkies and love all the talk of illness and how the dr is an idiot and misdiagnosed, etc. They became very resentful of the happiness I had and made it clear to not support any positive things that happened in my life. Meanwhile, my kids being priority and some other things (accident) which we are all more prone to during stress and over achieving, left me flat on my face again.
You say your illness is thought generated. Then I guess you (with help from a good T) can figure out how to disarm those thoughts and become healthier. I do know it will not be easy but I also know it is possible and you deserve it. As far as this person, we do not all have the same capabilites. Maybe you will come to accept their behavior or limitations as their own stuff without ending the relationship completely.
