Did You Tell?

[Werewoman]

I didn't.

For 40 years.

Not a soul, including my long-time husband.

Even in the throes of horrific PTSD flashbacks, I still denied it. I cried a lot, careful still, even to this day, not to make a sound.

I can't tell you why. I'm not even sure I want to know why.

My paternal grandfather was a great man in the world he lived in. I could have told him. He, of all people, would have unquestioningly believed me, I have no doubt.

The Truth? I was terrified of what some people would do to my mom, my abuser, and no matter what, she's still my mom and always will be. And I still love her, but I really wish I didn't. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much.

I don't know if I would have been better off if I had told my dad's family what my mom was doing to me. It's not like I didn't have a thousand or so opportunities, yet not once, ever, to this day, have I told any of them anything.

If you are someone who made different choices than I did, like telling people who you trusted, and did it turn out okay in the end?

Pardon me while I :banghead:.

WW

 

[Deleted member 34328]

oh wow! What a horrible nightmare to bear!!!! Life is never a bed or roses, but it shouldn't be full of nightmares and flashbacks all the time... many of us know that - and worse still, to be experiencing these nightmare situations alone.

Question: if you had told a trusted person and they did intervene in your situation, what do you fear would have happened to your mom? and do you think that that if handled with discretion, would your mom have been better off for it or not?

It would always hurt whether you told someone or not. As you said, she is your mother and you love her. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

[Werewoman]

oh wow! What a horrible nightmare to bear!!!! Life is never a bed or roses, but it shouldn't be full...

Thanks.
My best guess is that the authorities would have become involved, she would convince them I was lying, and then, eventually, when the time was right, she would probably have killed me, but in such a way as to draw suspicion from herself. In the end, I think she would have ended up in prison, I won't say why because I don't want to load this post with triggers.

Another scenario is my grandfather would have simply made her disappear. In his world, she is an abomination, and cannot be allowed to live.

I guess, in the end, I simply didn't want to lose my mom. Pathetic.

 

[Friday]

Not pathetic. Self sacrificing. Also known as brave.

 

[Knak]

If you are ever able to find someone who loves you, you will know the difference. I pray you meet someone you can trust who knows how to love you.

 

[Shortie]

Ineresting question.

Similar to me in someways.

I always think 'what if', that one word to the social worker, dad, teacher. Mum would have said i was a liar ect.

I with i did say something, but then i think that now only being an adult. At the time i was a child petrified of any action i would have done to make it worse.

I dont regret my choice i made as i was a child, if i was an adult and knowing i had suppose then yes, i maybe (maybe i would have maybe not?) have requested telling someone but i was a child.

What i would say is please dont regret things you did young as lets face it, our choice was the best one we made at that moment. Even if we now look back and think how wrong we were. At the time it was the right thing. X

 

[aut555]

Yes, but in the end, my abuser told me l made it up. Family member- other family members didn't believe me and told me so. Like l really wanted to make that up and tell family members that. Hilarious. Should l have kept quiet, it's 50/50 either way. But l did stand up and confront him.

And the giant load l carried around on my shoulder disappeared,finally. The emotional anguish was released by confronting him.

 

[Muttly]

I didn't tell. I'm not sure who I would have told, a teacher? I didn't tell my mom, but I believe she already knew. I don't believe she would have helped and if it would have really blown up in some big way, I think she wouldn't have coped. She was so mentally unstable for one reason and I also think more abuse would have been heaped on her. And also, she was abusive (verbally, on rare occasion physically), so she never felt safe.

The only person I can think I could have told is a teacher and I can't imagine what would have happened. As an adult, when some of it came out, the entire family backed my dad. I can't imagine going through that as a child. It was bad enough as an adult. Unlike @aut555 I don't feel a load lifted from the partial confrontation I did have as an adult. The complete denial was just crazy making.

 

[aut555]

I didn't tell. I'm not sure who I would have told, a teacher? I didn't tell my mom, but I believe she al...

Same here, he was completely backed up by all the family members. But it was something l needed to unload even as a older adult. I felt it had power over me my entire lifetime.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I had no one to tell who would believe me.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I tried to tell 3 times: once to a high school teacher who was also studying to become a guidance counselor, once to the youth group leader at my dad's church, and once to one of the parents who helped out with the youth group.

The teacher, who was a colleague of my step-dad since he also taught at my high school, said, "Now I know I can't counsel fellow teachers' children. I can't handle the pressure."

The youth group leader and the parent both decided that, unless I was being raped, they didn't want to get involved. They were too afraid of both my dad (who was a little insane and very unstable emotionally) and my step-dad (who was somewhat violent and very over-bearing).

 

[Heather]

I told and my mom said, " what do you want me to do about it?". How the f*ck did I know I was 17.

Wen I was 32 my brother in law sexually assaulted me. I told. My sister didn't and doesn't to this day believe me. I lost my niece and nephew whom I loved dearly. My daughter lost her cousins.

Its been hard and painful.

Would I do it again? YES

Why? Because I've never been someone to sit by and do nothing but actions have consequences and sometimes those consequences come with a huge price