Research Did Your Ptsd Sufferer Come Back After Their Bail Out? Tell Your Story Please

[anonymous]

Still in a now healthy relationship? PTSD sufferer here. Yes I am. 24 years married. No children. The last 2 have been healthy (enough). No bailouts from a physical perspective (although I should have many times). From an emotional perspective we have both done emotional withdrawal at times. Past unhealthiness mostly a result of my co dependent ish behaviour and fear, and his mild domestic abuse and dependence. Healing in the relationship mostly resulted from me having counselling and learning how to set boundaries and call bad behaviour for the first time in my life. And he had the ability to meet these new expectations. Its not perfect as I have intimacy issues of lots of types and other ptsd stuff but it is way better and works well.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It seems like you only want to see what you want to see. You're looking for people who will back up your view of the world and you are dismissive of people who give you an alternative point of view.

This is what Im seeing here too and in the title you say "tell your story" but when people do that doesnt match yours, you are seeming to come across very hostile.

Not one person on the planet does the same things and no one person on the planet can predict another's actions.

I do understand you're upset but theres no reason to get hostile to people trying to help and whom are telling their story, in which you asked for.

Im not attacking you @mr_smith_v2 and care about you! So coming from a friend, it may help to take a moment and take a breath.

When you are upset, it may be worth saying that, or it may not be the best time to post. Just take a few, take a breath, and come back...it may help to see things a bit clearer but posting in, what seems to me, a hostile way, isnt going to help you, it's just going to upset others and make you more upset.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

On the topic of the thread, I have abandoned every relationship Ive ever been in, to never return again. However I do have BPD and abandoment issues (leave them before they can leave me) and with PTSD is often comorbility and PTSD & BPD go together often.

Just something to think about.

 

[Olivia2016]

I did bail once and come back and try to work things out, but the opposite happened. though to be fair,...

Thank you! Finally someone has clearly and directly responded to the original question, giving the description of the events and time frame! I am interested to know the same information that mr_smith wants to know: whether people return after isolating and walking away and what are typical time frames? Thank you for describing your situation!

 

[Olivia2016]

Just a thought-----

Maybe you could make an informal type questionnaire? List a number of questio...

It was clear to me. Mr_smith asked whether anyone returned and how much time passed between walking away and coming back. It's a simple question, I am surprised it provoked so many out-of-focus answers.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It's a simple question,

Im glad that you found the term "bail out", the title, the orginal post, and all of the replies "simple" but I dont see it that way.

However, the each his/her own.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

wants to know: whether people return after isolating and walking away and what are typical time frames?

There are no "typical" anything. Everyone is different, every isolating time is different, every situation is different. There is not "typical time frames". It could be a few hrs, a few days, a few weeks, months, years, or forever.

 

[joeylittle]

@lostforgottensoul - @Olivia2016 is implying 'what are the typical time frames for one individual's situation' - sometimes people do have cycles.

Second time I'm asking the thread to stay on topic. @lostforgottensoul, you are banned from this thread; if @mr_smith_v2 wants to follow up with you in anyway, he can do so via PC.

 

[Deleted member 31177]

lol, Mr._Smith - Because you are not a doctor, and have not proven yourself any kind of Psych. student, what reason do we have to trust that you are even doing a study?

Why not just ask the question as a question? I think you would have gotten a much better response than acting like you are a professor or Psych student doing a "study" of some kind. Just ask the question.

As for me, I am very happily Asexual Aromantic and sex repulsed so my input would not matter here. lol

 

[Justmehere]

Considering those statements and actions resulting (bailing out with no communication or warning) are the problem, no that isn't the intended goal. It's sad that the folks that say and do those things sabotage their own relationship by doing so when they could just not and the relationship survive just fine.

As a sufferer I bailed out from a relationship with no communication as to why or any communication at all, in the unstructured way you describe. I fell off the planet suddenly with no communication. I bailed out for 10 days. I returned eventually to explain why I bailed out; he had committed a mild to moderate assault against me. The relationship lasted for 2 more weeks before I had the courage to leave for good.

As a supporter, I had a sufferer bail on the relationship with me in the unstructured manner you describe. He later explained he left because he was seeking ways to attempt suicide. He returned the to relationship and it lasted for 3 more months. Then he died by suicidie.

If either relationship was a matter of someone just a matter of either sufferer simply choosing to do something different and the relationship would be ok, then that invalidates a vast amount of mental health literature and study. I hope your research study includes data to support this alternative suggestion for sufferer to just act differently and relationships would be fine. I'm sure many sufferers and supports who read your final report would like to know this is one of your recommendations to remedy the problems and symptoms that play a role in bail outs.

Trying to gather the data to get a better picture of things

The data you are gathering appears to be largely ancedotal or case study matters, and I hope this is also clearly indicated in the final draft.

 

[kc_okc]

I have bailed. I've bailed twice and am fighting another bail. The first time I bailed I ran 2000 miles away. I was in a panic and felt afraid for my life. It was perceived and not a real danger, but my body didn't see it that way. All I felt was an overwhelming need to get away fast! My spouse of 15 years at that point, chased me which just made things worse and made me feel MORE in danger. It took me along time to recover from that and I came back to the relationship. I bailed again 15 months ago. This time I was again afraid for my life (perceived) and litterally dropped off the face of the earth. My body took over and I was in a full fledge panic. It took me about three weeks before I could make contact and a total a six weeks before I came home.

It wasn't until AFTER that bail, that I was diagnosised with severe PTSD and I began fighting for my sanity. My body had completely taken over and I was plagued with all the symptoms, ect. Nightmares, depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, I'm a trembling wreck most days. I can't think clearly. I was put on an assortment of medications and an incident occured and I was triggered again and I had a "planned" bail. Thirty days later I was stilll gone on the "planned bail" and I attempted suicide by overdosed, trying to end the pain. I was unresponsive in ICU for awhile, but I pulled out of it. But I woke up furious that I had been brought back. Two months later, I returned home.

Each time I bailed, i did have my two children with me.

Its been about four months since I returned and I simply cannot fight the urge to leave. I'm obssed with not being "good enough". Hurting my family as I try to endure the hell that is PTSD. I don't understand my own thoughts, how can i expect my family. I've been in therapy for the past fourteen months fighting, working, trying to hold on. I just want to be alone. I don't want to have to deal with people. Not my spouse, not my job, not my children, not my grandchiildren. I love them all so desperately, but I don't "feel" anything except overwhelming disconnect except with the obsession to go. I want out so bad, but I am deathly afraid of being "kicked out of the family" and living a life alone, away from them all (including my husband). But in the same breath, I hate him.

My husband and I have beeen married 25 years and my ptsd is a result of an extremely abusive marriage (with my same husband) for 20 years. Yes I'm living with my past abuser. He knows why I'm the way I am and that he is responsible for my PTSD, but he is also fighting just as hard as I am to save this family. I just can't get my shit together and the more I try to force myself into this well-defined position of wife and mother, the more and more I want to end it all. I want to run because I don't want to die. I am the danger to myself now and I fight the urge every day.

As insane as all this sounds, it feels so much more so in my mind, body and spirit. I am an educated, professional and to know me, you'd never see it. But it is leaking out the edges now...

 

[Abstract]

How on earth are supposed to fight the need to run and being triggered when the person responsible is your husband. I truly hope you find some way to heal. In my case I needed distance to start the process. Please make sure you are getting the right therapy too.