Diet Turned To Obsession

[Definitely..maybe]

Hey guys, sorry for overwhelming the forums with posts and coming back full force but I remembered how reassuring you all are and can usually offer good help!

Last year I started working out and dieting and got super into it. I counted calories and pushed myself and researched so much on nutrition and losing weight. It felt awesome to hit goals! But then I hit my goal weight and realized I couldn't obsess over something anymore, instead I had to learn to just maintain without obvious rewards. Because of my anxiety already my mind struggled to not have a healthy obsession outlet for when I needed to disassociate (stressed at work so looking up new recipes, researching new workouts, reading forums etc) and so then it was hard to stop. Now I still count calories obsessively and think about food 24/7- it's overwhelming my mind and making me feel like I'll never be able to be a normal eater again- eating used to be such an amazing comfort for me.

I know it's turned unhealthy and I make sure to hit my calorie goals everyday- I just hate all the thought that I waste on it. My doctor pointed out that I've turned foods into triggers because I didn't deal with past traumas and my mind had found a way to integrate unavoidable, odd stresses and triggers into my everyday life to remind me I have bigger issues to work through and fix.

I guess I'm just looking for any advice or understanding.

Thank you all so much!

 

[joeylittle]

No good advice. But tons of understanding. I'd say it's also a good thing that you can see the ways it is making you unhappy right now. Being able to see that is generally very helpful towards taking steps to change it.

 

[VioletButterfly]

I totally understand. This is why I would suggest that you speak with your therapist about what you've got on board here. Your doctor is correct, this is disordered eating and is not about the food, but is about your emotions. It is quite common for eating disordered individuals to also suffer from having experienced some level of trauma, especially sexual abuse. Please get out ahead of this before it becomes entrenched as a full-blow eating disorder. Take care. VB

 

[ButterflyDisco]

@Definitely..maybe ok, listen...i hope u dont mind if im entirely blunt on this subject..
Ana is a bitch. She lies. She tells u things that aren't true. She tells u ur fat, when ur thin. She tells u ur ugly, when ur pretty. She tells u that u should feel shame from eating, instead of shame from depriving urself. Ana lies my friend. Her grip leads u down the road to a feeding tube and a hospital stay, or worse...and if uve never had it, the feeding tube goes in thru ur nose and into ur stomach. It hurts. Nothing ana brings u is relief ok? The less u eat, the worse ur symptoms will get. The more u starve, the worse ur mind will get. Ur body will break down. There is no cure for ana that doesn't involve therapy and serious support, especially when it's related to trauma. Here are a few things i try to do to overcome her cold embrace...but im not doing a good job overall...
-Instead of a food journal, keep a life journal. Write down, or take pictures of things that u see that u really like, or events u have enjoy...even simple things like meeting friends for coffee. Read life journal when ana is telling u not to eat, live, be happy.
-Distract urself when eating, don't even think about it, grab something and eat it.
-Throw out ur scale, obsessing weighing leads to pro-ana.
-Get some quality supplementals, ensure or boost are fine...they taste terrible, but they help.
-Vitamins, vitamins, vitamins...u are likely low on tons of essential vitamins, including potassium which is incredibly important...get high quality vitamin pills, kids versions because they have more vitamins then adult versions.
-Put cream in ur tea/coffee, and don't think about it, it's a small boost, and can go a long way.
-Track ur exercise habits, overtraining can be very dangerous.
-Look in the mirror, and focus on one small thing u like about urself...expand on it :) Decide u are actually ok.
-Contact NEDA since u are in USA, National Eating Disorder Association. They can help u get therapy, a dietician, everything :)

That's all i got this time, good luck, contact me ANY TIME u need, we can both recover from this ok? You are stronger than you think!!

 

[Definitely..maybe]

Thank you guys all so much for your support and advice. I am working with my doctor and trying to overcome a few things. I really appreciate all the compassion and to anyone who's struggling I definitely hope you reach out to someone- I'm definitely here as much as I can be for anyone who needs someone. :hug: