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Disappointment Or Sadness

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I don't know if this is closest to sad, or a bit of anger & disappointment & fear mixed in. My one sister posted pictures last night of my other sister who is ill. The first, I was so happy & surprised she looked better than I expected, & keeping her weight over 100 pounds, -am so grateful. But the 2nd was of her walking towards the wind & all hunched over, looking terrible. After thinking about it all night,, it came to me, I thought, "Why would she y(the other sister) do (post) that?" I can't even walk in the wind without struggling to breathe, let alone her with lung cancer. :( It's always manipulation of sorts with the sister who posted. Always mind games, or rage, or blame, or you name it. She for her part, talked about her hair. :( I feel badly for my sister who is ill, not just because of her illness but the way the other sister is.

It took all day to write that. I'll probably be up all night thinking of all of it.

I feel mostly sad I guess. :(
 
I noticed that I posted earlier in the month about my brother calling me. Last night was too much for me. He was in attack mode and some of the things he was telling me, there was no way I could respond to him. It got to the point that I was just crying, but he didn't know it.

I woke up this morning and realized in order for me to feel safe and to take care of me, I will not answer the phone when he calls.
 
Went to the funeral home and signed the guestbook for the former co-worker who died this week of cancer.

I do realize now how important it is for me to get my Will changed and have my sister's and brother's name removed from it. I do need a new one, but have been putting it off as I didn't know what to do about it. I just pray that I will be led to do what I need to do.

It is so hard to do this when most people have family members in their life which I don't or to be honest with myself, never did.
 
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