Disclosing to my therapist

[CaraG]

First of all, I trust my Therapist. I have such issues disclosing my abuse. I don't really talk to anyone about my abuse. I have a strong stance on vicarious trauma. I have this thought process that it stops with me. I am not going to allow this memory to have power over anyone else. So, I don't disclose. I disclose just enough. My therapist continues telling me that she is able to handle it. I don't doubt that. I continually fight this war during therapy of disclosing aspects of my abuse and it is one of the most difficult things to do.
I think maybe it has to do with the shame involved. I will tell her I had a flashback and she will ask, "Do you want to talk about it?" I think to myself nope but I am paying you. So, I will talk around it. I will talk about it without much detail if any detail. Like I remember being in the bathroom of the church. That's as far as I go.
My question is how do I start disclosing my abuse and get past the shame or at least punch shame in the face and tell it to take a hike?

 

[Joan]

That is a really, really hard one. It is something I have been working hard on lately. One thing that helped for me was to actually write something and either email it or take it with my to appt....sometimes I could read it, sometimes I had my T read it. Shame thrives in darkness, it sucks. Take baby steps...one little bit at a time, you do not have to tackle it all at once. Keep trying!

 

[Justmehere]

Some things I write down and bring into the session to tell her about. I also ask her for help from my therapist to tell her. She’s got a lot of tools to help me talk.

 

[Deleted member 36028]

I have been struggling with this myself. I suppose what I keep telling myself is that it is little steps. It would be great to hear how you get on yourself :-)

 

[ButterflyBean]

I also ask for help from my therapist to tell her. She’s got a lot of tools to help me talk.

Can you elaborate on the tools she has? I’m going through a hard situation that will be long-term, and I’m having trouble asking for what I need... I’m just curious. If you feel a new thread or private conversation would be better, please let me know!

@Justmehere, I’m just now realizing that you are sick (from your recent post), and I sincerely hope you’re feeling better now. Please take your time responding to my request for elaboration on the above; however, any suggestions on/for finding words (I’m good with the actual speaking part) in the therapy room would be greatly appreciated. Warm well wishes if you accept them...

 

[CaraG]

So, writing it down seems to help. Great suggestion and thank you. Anything else?

 

[Freida]

one sentence that you haven't said before at a session. Just one. doeskin have to be all the gory details. It can be as simple as
"I want to tell you about 60 seconds of an event" then wait. When you don't burst into flames and she doesn't run out screaming...you
will get a bit more confidence. then the next week. One more sentence.

I do that a lot.
Me: "one day i was in a fight in a laundry room"
Her: "do you want to tell me more?"
Me: "not today"
then we went back to the safe stuff we were talking about

Next session:
Me: "in that fight I broke my foot"
Her: "do you want to tell me more?"
Me: "not today"
then we went back to the safe stuff we were talking about

It doesn't' have to be coherent or on a time line or even on the same event. It's just getting you used to saying the bad sentences out loud. Then eventually you can string them together in a story

 

[Freida]

I have a strong stance on vicarious trauma. I have this thought process that it stops with me. I am not going to allow this memory to have power over anyone else. So, I don't disclose.

oh - and this. So I said the same thing. I never wanted anyone to see me like "that" because I knew it couldn't be unseen. But it doesn't impact them as much as you think because while you are reliving a memory they are simply hearing a horror story. If it does upset them they can talk to their therapist about it.

We did the same thing at 911 --- heard things people would never want us to hear. Part of any of these jobs is learning to balance someone elses horror story with our real life world. Once you learn how its pretty easy to prevent vicarious trauma