It's actually somewhat common for some trauma survivors to struggle to accept positive comments from others. It used to happen to me all. the. time. in therapy.
Self contempt, self blame, denial --- all are defense mechanisms. They are attempts to reduce and push away pain. All defense mechanisms are, to some degree, maladapative coping tools. They are not healthy, but they still are done to cope. They "work" to reduce pain in the short run.
Take them away... and that pain is there. The fear that you have been trying to cope with is there. If someone's coping skills are not yet robust enough, then sometimes people will use another defense mechanism against pain: dissociation.
It could also be that the kindness is a level of emotional intimacy that stirs up feelings of vulnerability, and for many trauma survivors, vulnerability is really scary. Because being vulnerable in the past wasn't safe.
T says that she cares about me or that she is worried about me or that something someone did to me was not ok (as in my past trauma)...idk why but, her saying these things to me even though they should be a positive experience makes me feel really scared.
Facing the reality that it was not ok, that you deserve kindness, validating the reality of the trauma, means facing all the pain and fear and hell that yes, it was real. By being kind and caring, she is directly challenging the messages your abusers gave you and that you internalized.
Some things that
might help:
Communicate how it makes you feel scared, even if it doesn't make sense in the moment.
See it like exposure therapy to a different view of self and the world -- a more accurate one.
Work on positive self talk during the week as a way to begin to shift those messages in-between sessions. (I wasn't a huge fan of this myself, but it did actually help, even when I didn't believe any of my positive self affirmations.)
If positive self talk is too hard, try neutral.
Find ways to slowly touch into the positive statements or even neutral ones and the fear and step out of it. (This takes a lot of time and practice.)
Keep work on finding ways to stay grounded in the session.
Expect it to feel uncomfortable and even scary for awhile, but don't run from it. Name it. My therapist and I would say "oh there's that fear of kindness again." It took some of the edge off of it.
