SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
I'm not sure if this is really dissociation or if I'm overreacting. But I went through r**e 5 years ago, and since then when I get over anxious something happens to me. And since then I'm over anxious so...
It's not like a big thing, I think, it just never happened to me before? It's like when I'm too anxious, I feel further from something, like I "pull back" my mind and swich how I perceive it.
At the time, it made sense. I was also in dangerous situation for few months, financialy, physical safety and in all major ways. So, I distanced my mind and managed to be cold and detached until I was back to safer situation.
Through the years after, there has been triggers. There are various reactions I have. One of them I get- when I get flashback, and then it's so strong and overpowering, that everything else is sort of far and blurred, and when it's done my body hurts everywhere, I have headache, and my brain just drifts to sleep and I can't keep myself awake...no matter of the time of day. This I am used to, as much as it's something you can get used to. And with time my flashbacks have become a LOT more rare, so when such moments happen I know what to do.
But there is something else. When I was in the threatening months around my assault, I was facing barely being able to pay my rent and praying I don't end up homeless...Now whenever I get any reason to worry about money(late payment, extra expense I don't know how to fit in my schedule) I have such panic and anxiety, that I know I can't get through it and still do my job...So I "pull back" my mind, I distance myself, and then the thing starts to feel smaller and unimportant. Sometimes it makes it impossible to actually do my work, it's like I'm floating far from whatever it is that is important. Like I know I have to do it, but I am so anxious and stressed and I just need to not think about it, and I just put it away for days. And during those days it's like that thing I have to do is set aside until I can think about it...I don't even know if I'm explaining this right...is this dissociation or simply avoidance from anxiety?
It's not like a big thing, I think, it just never happened to me before? It's like when I'm too anxious, I feel further from something, like I "pull back" my mind and swich how I perceive it.
At the time, it made sense. I was also in dangerous situation for few months, financialy, physical safety and in all major ways. So, I distanced my mind and managed to be cold and detached until I was back to safer situation.
Through the years after, there has been triggers. There are various reactions I have. One of them I get- when I get flashback, and then it's so strong and overpowering, that everything else is sort of far and blurred, and when it's done my body hurts everywhere, I have headache, and my brain just drifts to sleep and I can't keep myself awake...no matter of the time of day. This I am used to, as much as it's something you can get used to. And with time my flashbacks have become a LOT more rare, so when such moments happen I know what to do.
But there is something else. When I was in the threatening months around my assault, I was facing barely being able to pay my rent and praying I don't end up homeless...Now whenever I get any reason to worry about money(late payment, extra expense I don't know how to fit in my schedule) I have such panic and anxiety, that I know I can't get through it and still do my job...So I "pull back" my mind, I distance myself, and then the thing starts to feel smaller and unimportant. Sometimes it makes it impossible to actually do my work, it's like I'm floating far from whatever it is that is important. Like I know I have to do it, but I am so anxious and stressed and I just need to not think about it, and I just put it away for days. And during those days it's like that thing I have to do is set aside until I can think about it...I don't even know if I'm explaining this right...is this dissociation or simply avoidance from anxiety?
