Dissociation / Excessive Sleepiness (not Tiredness)

[Meadowsweet]

Well done, you give a lot of hope. I took drugs from my teens to my twenties, and was in relationships where I was controlled, In my thirties I was single for the first time, and I was doing ok and growing in confidence. I think perhaps it I had stayed away from men entirely, I might have been ok. But I got involved with the wrong people again and was attacked again. I think it kind of destroyed me.

I'm doing ok now - but it still depends on me keeping away from becoming close to people - and removing myself from controlling people altogether. But I'm closer than I was, so that's heading in the right direction. Thank you for sharing your positive out look - I know it's not easy to find at times.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think it might have to do with it being overwhelming/ grief.

 

[zaniara]

Oh. Thank you for writing about this! I experience it a lot right now. It's not really peaceful for real though- but when in that 'half asleep state' I have trouble feeling anything matters, and forget really important stuff since I'm so lost. I wish it made me sleep better at night, but it doesn't. It's like I'm 'half asleep' then too.. :grumpy: ( Half asleep means half awake.) I hate it- not during it since then I don't care about anything really, but when I'm clearer I hate it. Because it mess my life up, and it make me feel as if my life is just being wasted on nothingness.

Not sure if it's part of the grief/being too overwhelmed or if it's more just dissociation. My dissociation used to be more 'total' before. But after reading in this thread I remember how I used to be like this on/off a lot during my worst childhood years.

God, even speaking of it now triggers it(and other stuff)! :O_o: I am fighting it, but it's so hard! It's like fighting mist.

 

[NovemberStar]

The feelings have gotten better since posting, thank you everyone!

I am beginning to see that my T is right - I AM becoming 'more tolerant' of the different symptoms and how I experience my distress and anxiety. Usually if I experience a 'new' type of dissociation or new symptom, I get incredibly stressed and distressed; fearing I am 'going crazy' and the panic on top of it takes it out of orbit and I become incredibly high risk for acting out in negative ways to cope (in the past, self harm; more recently severe anorexia / bulimia, and / or suicidal ideation).

But this time - I was somehow able to 'sit back' and 'observe' what was happening, while at the same time, remind myself 'it is JUST anxiety' and 'it is JUST the PTSD' - that it alone CANNOT harm me. Seeking support on here form others, also helped me feel less alone and vulnerable. Don't get me wrong, I am still very anxious and fearful of 'what next' - but I am able to have a little perspective - key thing being "while it might FEEL absolutely ghastly and scary; it does not MEAN it IS ghastly and scary".

I'm about to email my T and let her know what has been happening, and the insights I have gained through it. I can appreciate doing so might trigger some of the intense feelings up again, but I have a teeny tiny bit of self confidence inside of me that 'hey, i CAN cope with this, it will be ok'.

I see my T Friday - it will be a really hard therapy session, but a part of me is actually looking forward to 'doing some real work'. Because it feels that in doing so, I really can begin to get my life back on track again.

 

[Pietro]

This has always been a significant problem for me. I've always had problems with energy and "sleepiness". But, like you, I wasn't really tired. There are times I've felt like this, and tried to nap, but couldn't actually fall asleep. Yet I was too fatigued to do anything. Other times, I would be so tired that I simply couldn't even get out of bed, for a whole day.

I know that some of this, at least, has to be psychosomatic, because I can recover from it very rapidly if something changes my mood for the positive, or distracts me away from some stressor. This is one of the most important things I hope to get out of recovery -- the return of my energy.

 

[NovemberStar]

@Pietro - oh how much I relate to that psychosomatic stuff - its quite 'cool' how our minds work aye. I used to get really awful terrible, PAIN all over my body - one minute I'd be feeling so completely overwhelmed and depressed mentally - and it would get to feel unbearable - and then WAHM - suddenly and straight away, the mental pain would be replaced with terrible physical pain, that shifted all around my body. One minute it would be in my leg; then in my arm. I wouldn't be able to walk - and then when the pain was so unbearable I'd just about want top throw myself through a window to stop it - it would disappear and the mental agony would come back. It didn't scare me at the time, i know what it was and why - and I thought ' wow, see how clever my mind is - its always trying to protect me ;)

I emailed my T as I was typing the email I realized that actually, one of the dissociation experiences I had a day or so ago was a MEMORY and a FLASHBACK. It was a huge insight to make, because I didn't realize it was a memory, not a 'I think this might have happened' - I remember as a child, feeling very panicked and unsafe, and overwhelmed and 'in shock' - I couldn't walk properly and I struggled to not fall asleep. I know it wasn't just that I was so tired and needed to go to bed. I also know i hadn't been drugged - because the feeling of panic, fear, and my arms going all numb and tingly - like they do now sometimes when I am feeling severely anxious and a bit dissociated.

I am actually feeling SO relieved I know this has happened before. And I think its very positive and huge progress - but the flashback I had was one that was NOT from what happened in my bedroom when I was a child. since July lat year, every single flashback has been from the one incident in my bedroom - where I felt so traumatized I put mysql fin to my bedroom cupboard and tried to'die' by closing my eyes and trying to fly away to heaven. That one incident (and I can't even recall what happened to leave me that distressed, the flashbacks were all form immediately after it) has replayed over and over and over - mini flashbacks of me in that room, and felt by me and seeing myself from every possible angle and vantage point, over and over again. I thought i'd never get OUT of that damn room. I felt a part of my soul died there that day - part of me is still in that room.

And finally, new memory and flashback. Huh - never thought i'd be 'happy' to have a flashback and new memory, but I am - because I felt so STUCK in the other ones, and no matter how much I talked about it and felt it, I couldn't stop those memories from coming back.