Dissociation Within Dreams

[Chava]

A common theme in my dreams is that I'm either "outside" the dream and watching (like through a big window), that I am watching a strange little girl be hurt, that I turn my back or close my eyes, or that I know what's about to happen but then it doesn't because it all goes black and skips ahead, like I hit a skip button on a DVD...just jumps to next scene. I am usually my adult self removed from what is happening to a little girl that seems to represent me (sometimes hurt by my family members...but always the "subject" sort of character of the dream), but sometimes I am removed from myself as an adult (like part of the dream skips).

I'm already dreaming...why would I need to hide from part of it, "skip" part of it or be removed? I wonder if it's more like a tip that I just don't remember the worst sh*t and, if that's the case, I really hope I don't!!

The closest I got to being present in one of my worst nightmares was when I was really in the dream, being molested, but totally distracting myself from it by watching a guy cut out his own guts...he was going to kill himself but he didn't die before I woke up. Sorry that's disturbing.

I don't know what it means and I don't take dreams mega seriously but I realize lots of symbolism in my worst dreams. It would be impossible for me to know if I have forgotten something or blacked it out (the only big traumas I know about had me semi-conscious or un-conscious and I just know about waking up...or I suspect I was very young). Insurance might f*ck up my therapy. I'm worried I'll find out I'm more broken and just stuck this way. The dreams bother me but I can't really talk about them. I especially don't want to bring up in therapy if it turns out I'll just have to quit in a few months. I also didn't feel very good after the worst one and didn't feel very good about how my therapist responded. I just want to un-do all of this. But really, I'm just wondering if others are "removed" from scenes even in their dreams, like on the outside or whatever.

 

[ghotiff]

In my dreams I am always male unless the dream turns romantic and then I'm female. It's always been this way. I don't know if this relates to what you are experiencing. I thought it might because I too am someone else.

 

[Ronin]

I'm generally 'outside of me' with daydreams/lucid dreams like that, but then it's more visualization exercise than something that 'just happens', or well, I use them as visualizations more often. I have issues with helplessness and difficulty to dream at night, both of that, so basically day stuff goes. But then, I tend to observe my thoughts/reactions whenever it's the space for it for the curiosity's sake. So not sure it's all that similar, it's not... something entirely out of my control.

 

[aka]

I think I understand what you are saying @Chava. I too have dreams where I am disconnected from it like it is not me in the dream. Or it could be I am blocking all emotions from the dreams so it seems like I am disconnected. "Trigger warning" I have had dreams where I am being chased by armed unknown people, have been poisoned, am pregnant because I was raped, etc. Certainly nightmare category stuff but no emotion so its disturbing to remember but was unreal when having the dream. Not sure what it all means but I can defiantly relate to what you are saying.

 

[Chava]

The emotion bit makes sense, @aka ...seems to be what's cut out...and the worst stuff (I turn my back, that part of the story is clipped, I'm watching stuff happen to others and feel horrified, but I'm safe on the other side of a wall). Even in the dream where I was directly being molested, I was so caught up in this guy killing himself, I admired him, I felt his feelings I think. Yeah, disconnection themes on all levels.

 

[Smile]

My main recurring dream/nightmare has always been me (not sure what age I am in dream) watching a little girl be molested. Once awake, I feel more... It defintely disturbs me and usually ruins my day(s).

I think that sounds pretty similar to what your describing, no?

 

[Chava]

Sort of, but half the time it's people being murdered...really bloody. I know this didn't actually happen in my waking life (am sure I would have heard of it!), so I know there is a lot of metaphor in my dreams/nightmares, but the common one in the bad ones is that I'm observing from outside or turned away, or otherwise disconnected from the dream itself. The most recent one had a sort of "deleted" bad scene and skipped right ahead to me playing on some big happy playground.

 

[Leigh925]

I have physical symptoms when I dissociate when I am awake such as nausea and dizziness. I have had quite a few dreams where I dissociate in the dream and wake up feeling those same symptoms so I feel like I am actually dissociating in the dream as well.

I believe my dreams are my body's way of helping me deal with and figure out what I seem too afraid of to deal with in waking hours...or even too dissociated to deal with....but I think even in our dreams our body knows we can only handle so much.

Our bodies are amazing survival mechanisms and do some crazy things to protect us. Truthfully with some of the nightmares I have had lately I kind of wish my dissociation hadn't improved so much!

 

[Chava]

I believe my dreams are my body's way of helping me deal with and figure out what I seem too afraid of to deal with in waking hours...or even too dissociated to deal with....but I think even in our dreams our body knows we can only handle so much.

thanks @Leigh925 ...that sounds about right. I feel like I can't handle too much in waking life right now, and don't need horrid dreams on top of it. I've had to see stuff I can't believe my brain can create, but lately I've skipped all the bad parts completely (and just gone to the playground).

 

[TXbandit]

I have been dealing with this quite a bit for the past few months and am fed up with it. It is almost always everyday situations and I am above watching myself and others. I get so confused when I wake up or later in the day and think " I thought this happened already?" Or that person didn't do that or actually say to someone "no, you did THIS" I get blank stares. I am starting to feel nuts and can not determine what is real and what is not. It really bothers me. It completely feels like I am dissociating in my dreams and I wonder if I really am. i was going to post a thread on this but Chava's thread popped up. I am so glad that I am not the only one but I wish to get more insight on this. It really is driving me insane.

 

[Chava]

That would be confusing if your dreams looked like everyday situations but you were watching from outside. Do you feel like you are on the outside or in a bubble during waking times? That's my only thought. I think that's what it's reflecting in my dreams, but connected to older content (or like really bloody symbolism of old stuff)

 

[TXbandit]

In daily life I feel present. The only time I disassociate is when I drive or I'm idle. In the dreams I can see myself and others doing everyday things like at work. It's mostly work that I dream about.