DID Dissociative identity disorder/ multiple personality disorder

[Abrasky]

Hi Angel, oh dear, I have to say, I don't know if I could be much help on this matter as I know only what my psychologist has told me (not much).

One psychologist suggested a website where I talk to these alters (while I didn't really find it useful, maybe that would help someone else).

The psychologist I am working with now talks about getting at this stage of therapy now to push the memories that these alters are muddled with down. There fore, healing it seems to be very similar to healing other simple disacotiations. I've also had simple disacotiations from normal PTSD in the past which don't really seem to have the strong personality thing. They also heal by bringing them out, and then pushing them down into a small space. These dissacotiations are below the subconscious.

Dead Link Removed is an interesting study I was reading this morning about unconscious conflict being the underlying cause of anxiety symptoms. It suggests that the these things going on below our conscious thoughts cause anxiety. I have found that removing my unconscious things going on has improved my mental health over the years. However it is like an endless pit of new things, there is a lot of things going on in my unconscious self, 10 years ago it was like a highway in Shanghai. Now I think my subconcious is getting to be a quiet street.

When I have been doing therapy, I have noticed that my personalities are often in conflict with me, so on the surface I am me. In my subconscious, as it is coming out, it feels like I have in a room with a bunch of people fighting with each other and yelling, threatening. It's not a nice place. And being in the conscious mind is not really an escape because you feel all the aura of the fighting like steam coming of the room in the form of crippling anxiety.

A lot of my personalties are real people that were in my life that contributed to my trauma happening. Or these personalities were other people I loved but couldn't let go. There is even one personality which is my real self at 5 years old that split of into my subconcious at 9 years old. She just couldn't take the abuse anymore so she went to be protected in my subconscious self. It is like I haven't finished dealing with them or I couldn't let them go, so I had to continue the relationship in my head. It is an escape.

It is bloody hard to reintergrate them though, hardest thing I have ever done. I'm pretty strong now, but this processing of dissacotiations is not for someone not strong enough. Hence, it took 10 years of therapy for me get strong enough to do it.

 

[PepperAnne]

I have found two very interesting books on the subject of DID. One is called Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook by Deborah Bray Haddock and the other is Understanding and Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder by Elizabeth F. Howell. These books talk about types of dissociation, intergration and how it is related to PTSD. There are also ideas for therapy, coping and relationships.

It is nice to know that I am not alone in this boat. Thanks for positng your replies it means a lot to me.

 

[angel2write]

Doing a bit of research on this topic, I found a website I thought was interesting.

http://www.mindfulness.org.au/URGE SURFING.htm

It's written by a person with DID to talk about her experience with integration. I really liked her perspective, and I felt like she had some things to say that would be helpful in my situation. I do want to feel more whole. I want to lose the disorientation I experience from switching from fragment to fragment, changing my mind, changing my perspective, changing my opinion all the time. And what she wrote addressed this.

Anyhow, a couple excerpts for a sample:

I just knew I wanted to have full access to my whole self without having to dissociate. I wanted a stable sense of identity. I didn't want who I was shifting, based on triggers or the environment. I wanted what had been taken from me by the abuse -- a stable sense of self, consistent functioning and normal awareness.

During my therapy, as I worked on the trauma issues, I realized that I no longer needed to continue my dissociative coping because I was no longer in a trauma/abuse situation. This speaks to the importance of establishing safety as a necessary condition to be free to choose new coping. I respected the historical importance of this part of me but slowly came to realize that keeping a separate/dissociated part was based on the old trauma-based belief that dissociation/personalities was the only safe way to function. I no longer needed to maintain a "not-me" frame.